My stories tend to drawl out into too much of "He did this" and "he did that". I really want to keep the reader interested in what I'm writing as I'm building up to the tense situations. I focus too much on detail and can get repetitive and slow. Got any tips??
The best approach to this is generally to think about what's going on in the character's head while he's doing what he's doing. We don't need to know what colour the walls are during a fight scene, and we don't need to know the exact angle that he kicked the bad guy at. Extensive detail bogs down an action scene; you want to create a sense of urgency and suspense:
"He kicked Mike in the face while he was down. Bright crimson blood gushed from his nose, pooling on the white tile floor below them."
for example, isn't too bad on its own. "Bright crimson" is a descriptor that bogs it down though, as is "white tile". You also don't know anything about what's going on in either character's head.
"His foot made swift contact with Mike's face, eager to do some more heavy damage while the idiot was still down. His shoe came away bloody, and the aftermath of the attack was shown, in all its glory, sprayed red over the white floor."
This is longer, but it adds some atmosphere. You see some of the attacker's personality, and what he thinks of his victim. There's something for the reader to latch onto.
The same thing applies to everything you write. If you have to start with a base of dry adjectives/adverbs and a list of what the character did, do so. After that, you need to go back and add the meat. Take out unnecessary description to make room to describe things that will tell the reader something about the character's personality/perception, or something vital about the setting. Add the little nuances that shine light on how the character thinks and acts and feels. Don't make it a list. We don't need to know what's going on action for action.
For example, "He parked the car in the driveway and took the keys out of ignition. He stuffed his keys into the pocket of his jeans and unbuckled his seat belt and clambered out of the car."
It's easier, and less boring, to simply say: "He pulled into the driveway and got out of the car."
The best advice I can give, then, is:
a) focus on your character's personality and how you can incorporate that in the narration and
b) focus on necessary details. Don't add unnecessary ones. If what you're saying doesn't reveal something about the plot, the character (development or personality wise), or something that'll be important later on, don't add it. Avoid over-using adjectives and adverbs (especially "-ly" adjectives/adverbs). Add them where necessary, obviously, or you'd have a dull story, but don't throw them in every single chance you get. It'll bog you down far more than it'll build you up.
Firstly, self edit. As soon as you spot repetition, delete it and move onto something else. Self editing is a critical skill to develop, because your writing will always do better when you can figure out what's wrong on your own. Eventually, you'll train yourself out of habits like repetition.
Secondly, if your sentences seem pretty bland and boring, vary the types of sentences. This quote is a really good illustration of how changing up your sentences makes a huge difference in your writing.
Thirdly, follow Shane's advice. Keeping in the character's head and only focusing on what's absolutely critical is a great way to keep tension up. Usually, tension means short sentences, minimal description, and single pointed focus on what the character is seeing and feeling
Fourth, figure out what else is going on besides action. If you find yourself focusing on the external, figure out what's in the internal. You might find you're not connecting with the character and instead acting more like a fly on the wall.
Hope this helps!
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo
Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
Gender:
Points: 13024
Reviews: 123