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Young Writers Society


You Know When You've Lived



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7 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1196
Reviews: 7
Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:05 am
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ShaunaJAY says...



You haven't felt freedom 'til you've danced in the rain,
suffered through pain and had it taken away.

You haven't been taught 'til your bridges have burned,
repeated mistakes that you should have had learned.

You can only win first place if you run the race, and even if you fall,
get up, stay going, keep up with the pace.

You haven't lived 'til you're faced with the fight,
to venture and strive for your right to survive.

When you have, you will know.
Your wisdom will grow, and the sights of your future will gleam and glow.
Last edited by ShaunaJAY on Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.
It's not how far you fall.. it's the way you land **
  





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144 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 11482
Reviews: 144
Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:45 pm
GoldenQuill says...



Hay Shauna! Zly Quill here to review!

You haven't felt freedom til' you've danced in the rain,

You haven't been taught til' your bridges have burned,

You haven't lived til' you're faced with the fight,


Put that apostrophe before the word til, so it reads 'til.

get up, keep going., keep up with the pace.

Take out that period..
EDIT: In telling you to take out that period, I accidentally put a stray one in my post. Hehe. Woops.

This was very good; short, sweet, simple, and to the point. It was quite pretty and quite meaningful, and I did really enjoy it. Just work on your grammar and you should be set to go.

Send me a PM or post in my reviewing thread if you ever want a review again!

Love & Blessings,
Zly Quill
formerly ZlyWilk

Finally achieving my dreams. Dive into a unique horror story.
  





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7 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1196
Reviews: 7
Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:52 pm
ShaunaJAY says...



Thank you Zly!

Yeah I knew I had made a mistake on that part, I wasn't sure if the apostrophe should be 'til or til'. Thanks for clearing that up, much appreciated :)

My grammar is generally good, though I make a lot of mistakes when I try to piece bits together.

I will go and edit now.
It's not how far you fall.. it's the way you land **
  





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121 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 113
Reviews: 121
Thu Jan 26, 2012 7:48 pm
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SakuraFallsSweetly♥ says...



Heya Sista ;) Nice poem. :)

But wait, :O

you're faced with the fight,


Should be:

you've been faced with the fight,


Just a little nitpick :P

Also what that guy said about apostrophes.

But you're grand. This was really good. :)
The only true failure, is when you give up. ♥
  








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