Young Writers Society

I possess my own hands during the bleak of November
witnessing the horizon when the sunrise draws near
however these fingertips embellish the white orchid
and it becomes an unbearable stain
drench in each petal down to the stem
as my henchmen packs up my stuffs
my lips begin to quiver as if it has a pulse
I want to grip off my pang in my chest to help myself
breath once again, but as soon as I open my mouth
they smile at me in the corner and turn me into a red rose  

Hi there

Firstly, I just want to say that your poem is very good, perhaps in the weong category though, I would have put this in the descriptive category as I think the use of imagery is better than the story the poem itself tells.

Secondly, I recognise that you haven't used comas or fulls tops throughout, was this intentional? I think the poem would be more affective if the rythm was a bit clearer.. so if I were you, I would edit this and go through the layout again. Add pnctuation where needs be and it will flow much better. Well done on this, keep up the work and feel free to review mine.

Well, I removed the punctuation at the end of the line because someone had told me that line breaks have the same purpose as the punctuation. And somehow, putting too much punctuation can be daunting while reading the poetry itself.