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Young Writers Society


Stars of Love



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11 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 575
Reviews: 11
Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:28 am
vkshravi88 says...



“How are you?
Dear one
Have you been alright?”

“Missing you
Like always
Couldn’t wait until tonight”

“The stars look beautiful
Even better than before”

“I don’t see a change in them,
They have been like this before”

“You have failed to spot the difference
Dear one
In what there is to see”

“All I see are small white dots
Shining down on me”

“There is to more it then just white dots
Would you like to hear what is said?”

“Yes my love, yes I would!”

“Then I shall begin.
That one, just to your left
Is a sign of joy”

“How are you able to tell
My love?”

“The way it shines and more.
It’s blinking it’s twitching it’s jumping
It can’t wait much longer.”

“What is it waiting for?
My love, my life
That it wants to see some more?”

“It is waiting for this, such as I
To make a pledge I have never done before.”

“Oh my love, why do you kneel before me?
In such a graceful manner?”

“So that I may give you something
That you shall have, no other”

“A ring, a ring! What is this dear?
What have I done to deserve to be this happy?”

“You have been in my life
Dear One
And now I wish mine with none other.
This is the part where I ask you a favor
I love you, will you marry me?”

“Yes my love, yes I would
I love you, and I will forever!”

“I love you dear, for eternity and beyond.”


Forevermore they were together
The complex journey of life begins with a simple step forward
Vikash
  





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7 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1196
Reviews: 7
Wed Jan 25, 2012 1:06 pm
ShaunaJAY says...



Again, this is very good writing. Just a few mistakes to work on.

“How are you?
Dear one,
Have you been alright?”

Put a comma in here.
Same in the following stanzas, same place.

“There is to more it then just white dots
Would you like to hear what is said?”

Change the word 'then' to 'than'


“There is to more it then just white dots
Would you like to hear what is said?”

Take out the 'to' and change 'then' to 'than'.
It's not how far you fall.. it's the way you land **
  








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