Young Writers Society

If anyone can guess what this is about, they get a cookie.

Read and review, the usual.

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First Impressions of Madness

I once met a mad man, who whispered lies in tongue,
he spoke of Rome collapse and eventual destruction.
He explained it all while his eyes closed, telling of blind,
the insane, confessing of darkness we would never grip---
in the palm of his shade, on desert island pledges,
he spoke of mutiny against one self; gathering the harvest
sowing the discord, then giving the fruit of our labours.

In the asylum of the world he reasoned about justice,
claiming the woman didn't judge, because she was retard
to all she had once done. I asked him why he hated the courts,
he laughed twirling his cane and whispered to me jesters
will be jesters my little boy.

I could be a sword, an axe or mace,
or in the celestrial complexity a weapon
of beauty a morning star my jesters
of that you can be sure.

Something disturbed me about this gent,
his surreal grin, infinity eyes, a thousand
sneers planted on his brow. How he joked
and guffawed about turmoil and death--
spoke only in song before ending in a bow

A man came to me and offered a riddle,
whistle in the darkness or walk towards light.

In the hours I stood with the man, he mocked
my history and all my life. Played puppets,
and danced screaming, 'on with the show!'

As madness descended in these days,
I realized too late, the man had been sane.

Wow, an impressive piece.
Though I don't think I get a cookie as I have no idea what its on about though the emotions and descriptions used are amazing. I loved every word, seriously.
I am looking forward to reading more like this as it really takes you into the story.
Well done!!!

This is good. I think it's supposed to be "Rome's collapse" though. I think this should be "telling of the blind". I like this part
"In the asylum of the world". I like it, being to sane is a form of madness after all.

Nice.

First off, grammar slips are plentiful throughout, and they really distracted me from reading what is an otherwise gorgeously-constructed piece. Go through and seek them out, eliminate them, and just that alone will improve the poem two-fold (or at least significantly).

Now, I do like your stanza breaks. They each split off at significant moments, signaling a transition to a new part of the tale. In this way they actually take the place of typical transitions, which works in your favor here because I feel that those kinds of traditional transitional bits are a little too obvious and weak (as a rule, exceptions exist of course) and most importantly too sane for the tone of your characters.

Excellent line breaks, good use of enjambment. Each line tells its own story while weaving a thread between the lines it stands between; a good example is this bit:

to all she had once done. I asked him why he hated the courts,
he laughed twirling his cane and whispered to me jesters
will be jesters my little boy.

The old guy gives off what seems to be a simple answer of "jesters" that is then developed further into a cryptic statement about jesters' tendencies of self-being. You do this sort of thing throughout, and it really adds to the depth, something a poem with topics and tones of your chosen bent must absolutely have.

The pacing was good. You really had the feel of a legitimate story going - as a reader I was enthralled and curious to learn more about the mysterious man and your protagonist narrator. The way you ended it could very well lead into further tales of the speaker's adventures in the mad world of (seeming) sanity; in a sense, this gave off a "Chapter 1" vibe.

If I may hazard a guess as to your meaning: the old man seems to be a sort of deity, or at the very least a transcendent being, in human guise, along the lines of the eponymous folk in Neil Gaiman's "American Gods," which I highly recommend.

Overall, a great piece; fix the grammar and it shall be golden. Most importantly, keep writing! =]

I couldn't adore this poem more. In a way, it reminds me of Hughes and I mean that as a compliment (if you aren't a fan of Hughes).
You have real, honest talent and never, ever forget that.
There are just a few grammarical errors that can be easily fixed, as I'm sure they were already stated in previous comments.
I would suggest changing "retard" to a more advanced and "acceptable" word, but other than that I wouldn't change a thing.