Lucy The Whisperer

The sharp prickers poked and pinched at my ankles, and I winced. I ignored it and kept my eyes peeled for the white and fluffy hare.
I glanced sideways and noticed a white tail behind a great big sycamore tree. I felt myself grin from ear to ear as I stood on the tips of my toes.
I walked, light on my feet, towards the animal. I watched from only a few feet back as it nibbled viciously on a patch of green clover. I slowly dropped down to my knees; ignoring the twigs that poked at my skin. The rabbit turned it's vibrant blue eyes on me, a tingle ran down my spine.
I reached out towards the bunny, expecting it to hop away off into the fields; but it just sat there. It stared intently at me with it's piercing blue eyes.
" Hi cutie." I said to it, locking eyes with the animal as it stared back at me, frozen.
" Hello, Lucy." I gasped as the words flowed out of the animals mouth. Questions flooded my mind- How can it talk? How does it know my name?
I stared, awestruck at the animal. It blinked once, ruffled it's long, white ears, and hopped away into the field of grass.

Hey JDawn

The sharp prickers poked and pinched at my ankles, and I winced. I ignored it and kept my eyes peeled for the white and fluffy hare.

I glanced sideways and noticed a white tail behind a great big sycamore tree. I felt myself grin from ear to ear as I stood on the tips of my toes. Wouldn't you just grin instead of feeling yourself do it. That sentence sounds kind of awkward.

I walked,Fullstop instead of comma. light on my feet, towards the animal. I watched from only a few feet back as it nibbled viciously on a patch of green clover. I slowly dropped down to my knees; ignoring the twigs that poked at my skin. The rabbit turned it's vibrant blue eyes on me, a tingle ran down my spine.

I reached out towards the bunny, expecting it to hop away off into the fields; but it just sat there. It stared intently at me with it's piercing blue eyes. I like this bit.

" Hi cutie." I said to it,Fullstop instead of comma. locking eyes with the animal as it stared back at me, frozen.

" Hello, Lucy." I gasped as the words flowed out of the animals mouth. Questions flooded my mind- How can it talk? How does it know my name?

I stared, awestruck at the animal. It blinked once, ruffled it's long, white ears, and hopped away into the field of grass.

This was really short. I wish it could have been longer because I enjoyed reading it and I wanted to know why the rabbit could speak. The MC which in your case would be Lucy isn't really introduced. She's just wandering in the woods following a rabbit. Why is that? Does she like animals? Does she enjoy exploring?

The rabbit was my favorite he was the mystery character only he was an animal and this really got me hooked. I would like it if you would expand on it. I'd like to read more of this.

Keep Writing, Anger.

Awesome.
You keept it short but packed with suspense.
Part2?

This isn't bad... Has potential, but I noticed a few errors, and a couple of things that seemed odd - at least in my personal opinion.

"The sharp prickers poked and pinched at my ankles, and I winced. I ignored it and kept my eyes peeled for the white and fluffy hare."
This just occurred to me, but... If she winced, that's not really ignoring it.

"I felt myself grin from ear to ear as I stood on the tips of my toes."
This sounds awkward. I'd just change it to, "I grinned from ear to ear." That sounds more natural.

"...as it nibbled viciously on a patch of green clover."
VICIOUS BUNNY! o.o
Maybe find another adverb? XD This sounds kind of funny...

"I slowly dropped down to my knees; ignoring the twigs that poked at my skin. The rabbit turned it's vibrant blue eyes on me, a tingle ran down my spine."
Semicolon should be a comma. Semicolons take the place of conjunctions (and, so, for, etc.) so it looks a little odd to just stick it right in there. Also, 'it's' should be 'its', because only the contraction of 'it is' uses an apostrophe. Possessive form of it is just 'its'.

All in all, not awful, but it needs a little polishing. Also, this is pretty short, and I don't really have any clue what's going on. At first I was thinking the kind of fantasy where people hunt rabbits, and I thought that's what the main character was doing, so I was very surprised when Lucy called what I assumed to be her next meal, "Cutie."
To avoid confusion, I'd incorporate some more details, like the setting, who the main character is, and why she's out in the woods(?) following rabbits in the first place. Just be careful not to give an infodump...

Keep working on this. ^^ Good luck!

This is an interesting idea and I think it has a lot of potential. There are just a couple of things I would suggest that the other reviewers haven't mentioned:

I ignored it and kept my eyes peeled for the white and fluffy hare.
I glanced sideways and noticed a white tail behind a great big sycamore tree. I felt myself grin from ear to ear as I stood on the tips of my toes.
I walked, light on my feet, towards the animal. I watched from only a few feet back as it nibbled viciously on a patch of green clover. I slowly dropped down to my knees; ignoring the twigs that poked at my skin.

All six of these sentences in a row start with the word 'I'. It's very easy to do that when you're writing in first person, and it can turn into 'I did this. I did this, then I did that. I did this.' etc, which is pretty boring to read. Maybe you could change it round to something like, 'Slowly, I dropped down to my knees, ignoring the twigs that poked at my skin.', that sort of thing.

The rabbit turned it's vibrant blue eyes on me, a tingle ran down my spine.

You've just stuck two seperate sentences together with a comma here, which you're not supposed to do. This would read better if you put a connectig word like 'and' in the middle.

I like this though, so I hope you keep going with it

Mhmm, I agree with Kiwai-whatever-his/her-name-is ;P Interesting idea and real potential- but I don't think there's anything that sucks the reader in, y'know? Sure she can talk to animals (I'm assuming...) and that is quite interesting, in it's own right, but...I don't see the "This is great, this is great, read me, read me!" quality, understand? But there IS definately room for it, so don't worry.

Thanks everybody for the reviews, appreciate them.

Hey jDawn!

You did a couple of grammar mistakes, so I'm just going to point them out really quickly!

The rabbit turned it's vibrant blue eyes on me, a tingle ran down my spine. <-- "it's" should be "its" ... notice the lack of apostrophe! "Its" is the possessive form. "It's" is a contraction for "it is." Also, the comma should be a semicolon.

It stared intently at me with it's piercing blue eyes. <-- Same comment!

I gasped as the words flowed out of the animals mouth. <-- Here, the possessive for this word is "animal's." Are confused now?

It blinked once, ruffled it's long, white ears, <-- Same for the first comment.

So yep! Just a couple of little things.

Now, this is an introduction to a story, not a full story. To make it a full story, try letting the narrator run to catch the rabbit. Then the story has a chance of surviving.

Firstly, I know it says short stories, but this is very short for a short story.

The sharp prickers poked and pinched at my ankles, and I winced.

What exactly is a pricker? I don't know unless you describe it to me. And you can remove the last part, as well as the comma before it and put ". . . making me wince."

I ignored it and kept my eyes peeled for the white and fluffy hare.

Flip fluffy and white around, remove and, and put a comma after fluffy.

I slowly dropped down to my knees; ignoring the twigs that poked at my skin.

Remove semicolon and put a comma.

It stared intently at me with it's piercing blue eyes.

Remove the apostrophe from its.

Questions flooded my mind- How can it talk? How does it know my name?

Colon instead of hyphen. And put quotation marks around the questions.

I gasped as the words flowed out of the animal's mouth.

It blinked once, ruffled it's long, white ears, and hopped away into the field of grass.

Remove apostrophe from its again.

Overall: I didn't think it was that great. Not a whole lot of description going on in it, bunch of grammar mistakes, and you just left it off at the rabbit hopping away. Describe the forest she is in, describe the rabbit's voice, give more meat to it to make us see these. So what if the rabbit changes color. As far as I'm concerned that doesn't make a story. Also, I agree with Snoink on the point of expanding it out into a chase scene. Then maybe you can expand it out to something even more (just don't make it go Alice in Wonderland where the girl falls down the rabbit hole). Anyway, keep writing, and if you need help or any reviews feel free to PM me here on YWS.

Signed,
Lethero the Werewolf

short sweet and very charming. nothing more to say excapt was the heck is a pricker?
Georgie
x

Thanks ( I was bored one day, wrote then typed quickly, sorry some of you didn't enjoy it. ) : ) A pricker? Uh, slang sorta thing for thorn? My dad always called thorns prickers so it growed on me, sorry. : )

Hey!

I had so much fun with it. although, I wished there was more. Part 2 anywhere? Oh, it's a short story! Sorry, for that!

Anyway, I loved the gentle approach but I really thought you could have given us more (being redundant now, I know!). A little about the setting or the plot. I would love to know more about the rabbit, too. This is fantasy, did it have any powers? I missed it somewhere?

Good luck always!

Hey, I thought it was really good! Although, if you could, you should make it a novel or something! It has great potential! As for the mistakes, we all make them, so don't worry! Also, the prickers are obviously things that prick you! Haha, well that's my thoughts on it!

Emily

Thanks!