You're dying.

Oh, my dear, the temperature keeps rising
How could you not see?
I never said this will be easy
Just lay down your head
The sun is dying and the temp is rising
Look at the dace floor now

Woah

Drenched in your own blood
You're quite the disaster
But the tables have been turned
Though, you'll never see



( Alright, out of randomness I wanted to post something under here that I wrote in class one day [boring]. Its 6 in the morning; its fairly not the best nor finished. )

This definetly has plenty of potential! You should expand on it
My favourite line is "you're quite the disaster"
I like that your narrator has quite a distinct voice in this, try not to lose that when you edit and revise this piece because I like it - it's effective!

I'm going to be honest, while reading I was searching for some type of meaning or significance and couldn't find it.

And the fact that I was not able to rattles me to say; finish this. Work on it more. It's in a narrative perspective (one I tend to like reading from), and has a lyrical air about it (which is assuredly the point but still).

I'd say be a tad more specific on what this is about, in the near future. But not too much.

Leave me guessing.