I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

"Mm... pretty much my whole fortune, if I had one." Valeri wrinkled their brow at the crowd. "Do you think Khalil and Cody are there? And do you see the ex-WANNABES anywhere?"

“AHA!” A loud, crackling voice boomed over a loud speaker. It was Joe. “Behold, my archenemy and resident evil fiend, Malacoda!”

Vendetta cringed, covering their ears. “Well, we found Joe.”

Valeri grimaced. "Let's get closer."

As Valeri hurried towards the crowd, Joe announced, "Your reign of terror is over, Dark Sun! For I, Josephinzo the Magnificent, Wizard of the Seven Realms, Certified Evil-Extinguisher and All-Around Amazing Person, am here. You may clap and cheer, everyone." They could practically hear him smirking at the crowd.

Vendetta took a deep breath. "BOOO!"

Dawn bounced. "Gasp! Vendetta."

"What? We have to make the falling in his clutches part dramatic so he feels super awesome."

Dawn hummed. "Right, right. Clears throat. Boo! BOO! JOE STINKS. PROBABLY. I don't have a nose!"

"He's the worst wizard ever!" Valeri marched confidently through the crowd. "Like, Dumbledore wannabe, but so overconfident that it's pretty pathetic."

Joe swiveled around and glared. "Who dares insult me, Conqueror of the World of Eternal Winter?"

Dusk scoffed. "Sounds like you just made that up on the spot."

"Dude, did you just plagiarize the Chronicles of Narnia?" Vendetta huffed. "Not cool, man. Now you're going to call yourself Nobody, conqueror of Polyphemus."

"Hm." Joe seemed to consider that for a second, then shook his head. "I assume you are the assistants of Malacoda, sent to stop me from ruining his evil plans?"

Valeri raised an eyebrow. "Seriously, does anyone believe this preposterous attempt at a hero?"

Joe ignored her. "I'm afraid you're far too late."

Vendetta gasped. "What? We're... we're too late?" They looked in distress at their group.

Dawn bobbed up and down in the air as if shrugging.

Joe flourished his sleeves and turned back to the audience. "Ignore these mere accomplices. For now I shall summon Malacoda!" Joe snapped his fingers. "Next slide, please."

Valeri craned her neck and watched as a slideshow projected on the side of the Washington Monument switched from an image of Cody to the words, "Summoning Time!"

Dusk burst out laughing. "A Powepoint? Really?"

Vendetta giggled. "I'm trembling in fear."

Joe's eye twitched. "Oh Malacoda the Dark Sun, I summon thee to face thy end at my hand!"

A portal opened in the air, and Cody was unceremoniously dumped onto the ground.

Cody groaned. "Okay. Rude!"

Vendetta surged through the crowd, now standing at the stage.

Valeri followed, shoving past audience members who were gawking at Joe and Cody. They saw a couple of folks eating popcorn, as if they were at the movies.

"Cody!"

Cody rubbed his head and stood up. "Where's Khalil?"

Vendetta shrugged. "I don't know. We haven't seen xem." They turned to Dusk. "Can Indigo find him?"

Joe scoffed. "As if I'd let you corrupt the love of my life again." He snapped his fingers, and a new slide appeared, this time with a picture of Khalil with hearts around it. Another portal formed in the air, and Khalil dropped gently to the ground.