The Fateful Heart

James felt stuck for a moment between imagining the moment Evaline saved him from and imagining how it felt for Evaline to carry that burden, to keep that to herself for so long.

He knew how it felt to watch someone you cared about die.

He knew how helpless and powerless you could feel.

He never had the power to take moments back, but he wondered, for Evaline, how often she'd saved people like him. How often she held these secrets inside, that only she knew.

After only a few seconds of consideration, he reached down, wrapped his arms around Evaline's shoulders, turned her, and firmly pulled her up into a hug.

James suddenly pulled her into a hug, and Evaline's mind froze as her back stiffly straightened out. She felt her mind race quickly, thought after thought, barely giving her time to weave through each one.

It wasn't that long ago that Mel reappeared back in her life, trying to support her. And Evaline had pushed her away. She had to. It was in both of their interests. The war's interest.

That was the only chance someone could have helped her. Since the day it all began, that was the only time someone had given support. To listen. To give a shoulder to cry on.

But she pushed her away.

She pushed her away.

She pushed her away.

She wanted to push James away.

The leak on the wall widened, and a rush of emotions flew through her.

The bitterness. The hatred. The frenzy. The therapy. The refusal. The rejection. The escape.

It wasn't until much, much later that she realized perhaps she had approached it all wrong. Perhaps the war was a lost cause. Perhaps she was a lost cause. Perhaps she was hopeless. Perhaps all of it... all the pain, all the suffering, all the death...

Was it worth it?

Silent tears streamed down her face, but she found they had grown into loud, messy sobs. She closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears and the soft wails, but she couldn't.

So just this once, she pretended that she hadn't have pushed Mel away, that she risked it and let her stay to help her. What would she do?

She would hug her and not let her go.

And that was exactly what she did to James, too.

Her arms shakily wrapped around his back as she burrowed her head in his chest, loudly sobbing.

James didn't know what was going through her head, but he let Evaline cry. He held her close, feeling her tears leak through his shirt, cold and wet. It was a relief that she didn't pull away and that she didn't fight it. He knew he would've.

He tilted his head down, almost resting his chin on her shoulder.

He couldn't help but look out into the forest, alert.

It always seemed to happen at the worst moments, when he least expected it. Someone would send a bullet out of the darkness. Someone would sneak up behind him. Someone would show up, and forget what it was like to be human, and take everything he had.

Without him really noticing, his thumb started to gently rub up and down on Evaline's back.

"I'm here, now," he whispered, finally finding his words.

"I'm sorry. That you had to carry that burden alone."

He hugged her a little tighter.

It hit him again.

She wasn't just someone who was lost in the forests of Nye. She was far, far away from home, with no real control over how she got back. So much of this was still new, and foreign. And she hadn't asked for any of this. She didn't ask to be saddled with him, and the danger that always followed him.

A pang of guilt twisted around his heart.

"I will do everything in my power to make sure you stay safe," he said.

"That we stay safe."

He stared out into the darkness of night. The white noise of the waterfall resurfaced, like a wall of noise.

"I promise."

He took in a deep breath, knowing that she would be able to feel it.

He wasn't lying - and though he didn't know how the past that she'd reversed played out, he knew one thing wouldn't change. She would always come first, whether she liked it or not.

James's words were comforting, but it triggered something in her. She felt as though she was a child crying in a mother's embrace, letting go of her troubles as she would tell her that everything was all right, she was here now, she would protect her.

The note said that she had to open her heart. But how could she if she had locked it up? How could she remove the stiff chains that she herself had decided to put up?

Still, a small air bubble seemed to travel down to her heart, allowing it to breath from the repressing chains, giving it the air it needed from the water Evaline had allowed it to drown under.

And then it all came flooding in.

His playfulness.
His ability to listen.
His honesty.
His empathy.
His kindness.
His complete and utter selflessness to put others over himself, even if it cost him his life.

Her bleeding heart fluttered in her chest, bumping against her bones like it was protesting the chains around it.

It was like... James was a combination of the people she had once opened her heart to. Perhaps this was cruel irony. Perhaps this was fate.

She knew her flaws. She knew which flaw she was susceptible to the most. She knew which would be her downfall. She vowed to not let it happen again.

But hearing his words struck a chord in her that she hadn't allowed herself to feel in a long time.

She felt completely safe. Of course, there was danger. There was Butch. But in his arms, she felt safe. She didn't even doubt it when he said he promised to keep her safe.

Her arms tightened around him, acting as if he would disappear if she didn't hold him close.

James was rubbing her back with his thumb, and it occurred to Evaline that this felt familiar. They have been through this once before. They had hugged and she had cried. He said she could travel with him potentially forever if it came to that. He had slid off the horse so she could safely get away from Butch. He had died for her, and he practically said he would do it again.

Evaline didn't know how to feel. She seldom did anymore. But she was sure of one thing: as long as she was by his side, she was not going to let him die or get hurt. He said he would protect her, but she vowed to really be the one protecting him, even if he didn't know it. Even if it hurts.

She wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

She could feel her chest swell over so slightly as her tears began to slow down, but then the dread crept in. The dread was a voluntary reaction; it was more of a peaceful feeling, but she knew what it meant. She knew what it indicated. And she dreaded it.

She was jumping back in time again.

No. No no no no. She didn't want to lose this memory. She didn't want James to lose this memory. She...

How long was she going to jump back? She couldn't control the time frame for this specific feeling.

There wasn't much time to think or react. A blanket of mist seemed to cloud her vision, and Evaline started to panic, pulling away from James and sitting up straight to see his face before it happened. She just wanted a small glimpse of his face before it all happened, just to see if this was all sincere.


And then the white enveloped her, and she felt herself rewinding again, back one conversation line at a time, slowly, until she was back in the moment when she was laying back down, staring at the stars, with James beside her.

"You can go again," he said. "I don't have any questions."

She felt her heart shrivel up again, locked behind its chains and closed doors underwater as she reminded herself why she didn't allow herself to get close others anymore.

Evaline took a long deep breath, pushing down the tears that stung her eyes. She was grateful that at least James hadn't have seen her crying vulnerably.

"It's been a long day. Let's go to sleep," she said softly in an almost defeated voice, sitting up straight to get up on her feet. "I'll stay up first."

James didn't argue. He felt it too. It was time to put this game to rest and go to bed.

He got up, feeling his body agree with Evaline's sentiment. "Alright," he said, starting slowly towards the fire.

They'd talked a lot about themselves in the last hour or so. They could save the rest for later. Much later. It didn't have to all happen right now.

Evaline walked back to the camp with James closely behind, sitting down in front of the fire as he got comfortable for bed. She felt like she couldn't talk anymore today. She said all she needed to say, felt all she needed to feel.

A few minutes ticked by, but her blank gaze didn't leave the fire.

She thought back to the note—the whole reason she was stuck here in the first place.


But she did. She did. Twice. And both times, she time jumped. The events vanished from this world. It only existed in her head as a memory that never happened. If James couldn't recall these memories, would they even count? How many more times did she have to do this? What more did she have to say? How long was she going to be here?

She thought about her first night on Nye. She was so scared. So paranoid. Untrusting. But she felt that way on Earth the night before anyways. It only carried over to Nye, but increased tenfold due to not knowing where she was.

She didn't really feel that way now. It was refreshing. Even if she had said nothing and she and James weren't traveling together, she still would have eventually peeled off the paranoia after she realized she wasn't on Earth anymore. It had been a while since she felt back to her "normal" self, but a part of her suspected that, if she stayed here long enough, it'll all come back.

The feelings were only hibernating, for now.

She thought back to the remaining lines of the note.


What if... she did refuse? What if she stopped trying to open up to James? Surely that would make things easier... for both of them. Evaline was never great at analyzing poems, but the last two lines seemed to indicate that she would have to figure this out either alone, or "on your own," which maybe insinuated a team effort. James and Evaline, on their own.

Maybe that wasn't so bad. Maybe it wasn't so bad to stay in Nye with James without actively trying to get home on a daily basis. She wouldn't have to force it upon herself. James had told her she could take her time, but he didn't understand time the same way she did.

Time wasn't a limiting factor here.

Because, maybe, there was another way to go back. The note just didn't disclose how, instead only describing it as "find your way back."

Maybe that was the long journey. But that was okay.

She just wanted to give up already. She wanted to to start living in the present like James has been doing, and stop worrying about getting home or deciding what facts she had to reveal to him for the sake of the note. She wanted to stop thinking ahead, only reserving those instances for when she had to protect James.

Evaline finally looked away from the embers of the fire, adjusting her position so she can reach into the pocket of her pants under her skirt. She pulled out the crumpled note and unfurled it, noticing that somehow, it didn't seem to hold its new creases. Her fingers brushed over the printed lettering, word by word.

And then she tossed it in the fire.

Maybe she will open her heart. Or maybe she ends up finding another way to get home. Or maybe... she'll forget what home means to her.

Whatever she ended up doing, she wanted it to occur naturally.

And that didn't require a note.

James had laid on half his blanket, with the other half folded over him. Sleep was still very far off, and he didn't even know if it would come at all.

He had a lot to think about, now.

The implications of Evaline's powers, questions about how they worked, if something like that could bring back home instead, or if that was too far back in time. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd shared too much, either - he felt like he did, but he didn't know if that was because he hadn't really had any meaningful relationships in a long time or because he just hadn't opened up to anyone since... well...

He also hated how the last few interactions kept replaying in his mind.

The dance at sunset. Playing the harmonica by the fire. Being chased into the field just to be poked in the stomach, like a childish game.

It almost felt wrong, like he wasn't supposed to. He was wanted, and on the run, and survival was his number one priority - not whatever fuzzy feelings he kept trying to stuff down in the back of his mind.

Evaline was a temporary friend. She had to get home, eventually. She wasn't going to be around forever. He had to keep his distance, so it wouldn't hurt too much when she did leave. He couldn't forget that.

He glanced over at her as she sat by the fire, watching as she dug around her pocket and took out the note again.

He wished he could know what was running through her head.

And then she threw the note into the fire.

James's eyes widened.

"Did you just--"

Evaline sighed, bringing her knees to her chest and setting her hands on top to perch her head on. "Aren't you supposed to be asleep?" she said in a tired voice, eyes not leaving the base of the fire.

She wanted to watch the note burn, but of course it didn't. Of course not. It somehow survived this long without any damage, so it didn't surprise her one bit that this magic paper survived the fire.

Her eyes narrowed at the note.

Was it... changing?

She dropped her knees and leaned forward, squinting at the note. The paper looked unaffected, but below the poem, it looked like... there was something there now. And it wasn't just ash. They looked like... they could be... words?

Evaline reached forward and quickly grabbed the corner of the paper farthest from the fire, barely avoiding the flame's licks. She could feel James's eyes glued on her as she straightened the paper out and furrowed her brows to inspect it further.

She was right; there were more words.

She read it line by line. Then again. Then once more for good measure before clearing her throat, deciding to finally say it out loud.


Even after saying it out loud and reading it to herself several times, she didn't lose focus, even though she barely had time to process what this could mean.

This was a new note. A new addition.

It was almost like... a sign. Or maybe a hint. Possibly a continuation.

It couldn't have been a coincidence that this happened right after she decided to refuse the note's demands. Right?

James, at first, though Evaline was just making something up and adding on to the poem spontaneously, but he quickly realized she wasn't. Her eyes were following the letters on the paper. She was reading. Except, the last time he saw it, there was only one verse, not two.

When had this new verse shown up? Just now?

He stiffened with each passing line.


He wasn't stupid. He knew what that meant. He remembered the first verse well enough.

Both of them were expected to open up their hearts. Not just Evaline.

This was stupid. Fate was stupid.

James stayed on the ground. Maybe Evaline hadn't figured it out yet. It seemed like it had taken her a while to realize what the original poem meant, so maybe it would take a while for her to get this one too. He could use that to his advantage.

"...Well that's not helpful," James muttered. "It's basically just repeating what it said before. How redundant. When did that new verse show up, anyway?"

Evaline slowly lowered the paper and then squinted at James suspiciously.

"Just now, in the fire," she said, answering his question. "Here." She reached over to pass him the note, repeating the words in her head again so she was sure she memorized it.

It seemed a little odd that he dismissed the new words so fast considering that he was the one who had to shake some sense to her when he first found the note.

She quickly thought about the words of the new verse. A lot of it was confusing; what did it mean by key? Or fate's hands? Her head hurt. She wanted to stop thinking about fate. It was still her theory that fate brought her to James, but she refused to believe that it was her fate to open her heart to get home. She'd rather make her own fate.

Some of the lines were easy to interpret, though.


It literally said it was a second part—a continuation of the note. And "not one but two"—that was her and James, right? And the walls... She wanted to be naive again and hope that it was referencing literal walls, but at this point, she'd only believe that if they actually did encounter a heart-shaped land feature.

"I think..." she said, trailing off as her eyes were still glued on the paper, eyebrows furrowed in thought. "I think this verse is about the both of us."

James sat up and took the note, drawing closer to the fire to get a clear look at it.

There was another verse, clear as day, written in the same handwriting, in the same un-smudgable ink, on the same indestructible paper.

His fingers tightened around the edges of the paper, and he clenched his jaw, staring it down, like it was challenging him.

Stupid note.

He used all of the strength he could summon to pull on either side, and tear the paper in two. But with the stubborn fortitude of a fortress, the paper didn't even crinkle, and instead, he ripped it out of one of his hands, and the paper went flying back towards the fire. As the paper flew forward he reached forward to grab it, clenching it in his fist a little too tightly for someone who was trying to not appear bothered by the note's contents.

He slowly, and deliberately inched his hand back towards him and unclenched his fingers, gingerly unwrinkling the note.

"Just..." he fought back the anger tempting to seep through his voice. "Very strong paper this is written on. Weird."

His mouth twitched, just a little, revealing a snarl of contempt that only lasted half a second.

Evaline blinked.

Did he just... try to tear the paper?

She remembered she tried to do that before, but of course it didn't work either. But it was weird seeing him do it. She was so used to his calm demeanor.

"Are you, uhh," she began, trying to find the right words of comfort, but faltering. "Are you okay?"

James cleared his throat and flattened out the note against his chest, trying to remove the wrinkles he caused.

"Fine," he said a little too quickly, and a little too curt.

"You know, whoever wrote this note was on some kind of sick power trip, trying to manipulate us like this. You'd think they'd just let us choose, instead of trying to force us into... you know. And the fact that the stakes are you going home - when you didn't even choose to come here yourself - that's just wrong."

He stared down at the paper one more time, resisting the temptation to pummel an inanimate object.

He threw his arm out and offered the note back to Evaline.

If Evaline's fate wasn't so intimately tied to the note, he would have suggested throwing it away a long time ago.

"The second stanza isn't even that great, anyway," he muttered. "It doesn't flow as well as the first."

Evaline felt the strangest sense of deja vu, and it wasn't in the same familiar sense of repeating a timeline if she so chose to go down that path.

It was more like...

He was reacting the same way she did when she first realized the intentions of the note. Except, he didn't remember it. She did.

She tried to remember the words he told her, but it was all a bit muddy. Maybe hearing a version of the same words he told her would help him accept the situation too.

"I agree it's manipulative," she said, hesitantly reaching out to take back the note. "And I was upset too, at first. But... I can't really do anything about it."

She paused, again trying to find the muddled words from the muddled memories.

"It'll be okay. I mean, I'm still here, right?" She offered him a small smile, but it came out a bit forced.

"We have lots of time. We'll be okay."

James felt the anger in his eyes wither as he looked at Evaline from across the fire, but he could still feel it stirring and raging in his stomach, blending together with anxiety that spun and fluttered, somehow making everything hurt more.

It was weird hearing Evaline say things he felt like he said to her, or thought to say to her about her situation.

Now their situation. Though, perhaps it always was. It was just revealed now.

He wanted to get up. He wanted to curl over and scream. To kick something. To curse the powers that put them here, like this, instead of just leaving him alone, like they always had before.

I mean, I'm still here, right?

But James didn't know if that was good or bad.

Did Evaline want to go home? Did she want to stay? The way she said that made it sound almost like she didn't care about getting home anymore. But he wasn't in her shoes. He couldn't assume that.

They did have time. But would they be okay? If the note revealed more now, who was to say it wouldn't reveal more later? Who was to say it wouldn't soon become a threat, and they'd be forced into another situation they didn't ask for?

All this time, James stared into the fire, sitting still, though his expression was grim.

His head was starting to hurt. A lot.

He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands.

If he wasn't so exhausted, he would've been on his feet, probably causing himself more pain, inevitably.

"Maybe we can just forget about the note," he muttered, tired. "Just leave it somewhere, and forget it ever existed. We don't have to listen to it. It's just a piece of paper."