niccy_v

This is good. Very believable, but you really need more depth, more oomph. It's so bare and empty as a story, and if it was to be made into a ...

That's a good start. I tried fixing up your beginning, but it really needs work. The easiest way to begin is to place yourself in her shoes, and think 'what ...

After read/edit Well, it has good basic ideas. Now you just need to sit back, calm yourself down, and write. The story is so filled with jumbled up space things ...

Impressive. So believable and yet so distantly unbelievable. You went into character so well, i really think this should be extended to a longer story. The ending took my breath ...

That's an impressive poem. Deep thought and emotions really came up. You chose such impressive wors, they fit so well you're a great writer/poet. The repetition fits perfectly, and its ...

The beginning is great. It flows quite easily, a few spelling and grammar errors but nothing spell check can't fix. The whole ending ruins it a bit. Sorry to sound ...

Great story, it's really interesting and a good read. A few things: -you should add some more attention to Kate and his relationship, make them more acquainted, because you feel ...

First of all, i agree from above, if this was a book, i'd have put it down long ago. It drags on far too long and could easily be chopped ...

Over all i love ti! But seriously, ha ha, begin it in word. You've made so many mistakes which could have been picked up through even spell check. Unless you ...

Okay first of all, you, like said above, need to include "quotation marks" for speech! I like this story! It's... sweet... predictable but sweet! Now at the moment it feels ...

A very good story! I am liking it, but you need to double check spelling and punctuation. It's a good start but needs more depth, descriptions, and definitely more checking ...

A good story. Lots to improve on but hey this is why you're giving it to us to critique. I like where this story is going, but descriptions can be ...

A very good story. But a few ideas -introduce the brother in a kind of prologue where he is alive maybe six months before the accident, even the day before. ...

[quote="fallenangel"] Despite their responsibilities—despite any honor and dedication they had once before found themselves bound to, they realized it was nothing. Nothing mattered without the other