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gabriellasloan

  • Poetry » Realistic, Narrative Re: They Will Never Understand.

    The first stanza was a fantastic opening. I connected immediately with your poem on a personal level. The first three lines in particular really pulled me in. This phrase "our ...

    Jul 13, 2013
  • Poetry » Realistic, Humor Re: A Flower's Inner Beauty

    I love these kind of poems. You did a very good job. The first stanza and last are by far my favorite. The ending was kind of a surprise, but ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Short Story » Fantasy, Action / Adventure Re: Death Flower

    I'm a nut about grammar, so let me just get it out of the way : This phrase "your grow with magic" was a little confusing. In this sentence "It ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, Dramatic Re: Deadly Decisions

    Nice story. There are quite a few grammatical errors. I put some below. Overall, I thought it was very interesting. I didn't really like the main character that much at ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Short Story » Fantasy, Horror Re: Blood Lust

    This was very interesting. Unique. A few grammatical mistakes, which are not fun at ALL to talk about. "Maybe she had clung to you in fear, not lust, and it ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Ari

    Perfection. So freaking well done. I loved it. It was so bittersweet. My favorite part of the story is this: "It’s so damaged, Asa,” he had whispered. “But it glows ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: A Hero's Welcome - Prologue

    I laughed at the Frogger reference. It made me laugh even though the situation was pretty gruesome. The description was amazing. I felt like I was actually there. It was ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Scathed (ch-1)

    I was immediately hooked when I saw one of the character's name was Emma. That might seem odd, and it kind of is, but I always enjoy characters named Emma. ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Killing Me

    This made me really sad. At first, the character's writing seems a little forced, like they are trying to be funny or acting like they really couldn't care less. But ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Short Story » Horror, Historical Fiction Re: His Eyes Were Not His Own--part 2

    I did not expect this at all! It seemed like an entirely different story, but in a good way. I want to add that I was terrified after Castle saw ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Short Story » Horror, Historical Fiction Re: His Eyes Were Not His Own--part 1

    I really enjoyed reading the opening. I love when a character is described (especially when it's done very well like this one). At first, I wasn't really intrigued by Castle, ...

    Jun 6, 2013
  • Short Story » Dramatic, Romantic Re: Falling away

    Let me first start off by saying I hate Romeo and Juliet death things, but this was an exception. It was tragic. It was a really good story - especially ...

    Jun 4, 2013
  • Short Story » Realistic, Horror Re: Leaky Faucets.

    This is hilarious. I love the tone and I died laughing many times. I really like this sentence - " My dad makes that 'dad panic' face and begins to ...

    Jun 4, 2013
  • Short Story » Horror, Dramatic Re: Practicing for exams - The Wife

    The phrase describing the room as odd didn't really connect in my mind. From the previous description, nothing stuck out as odd. I agree with SushiSashimi333 about the 'she' thing. ...

    Jun 4, 2013
  • Short Story » Mystery / Suspense, Horror Re: The Beast Within

    Extremely well done. From the first line I was drawn in and hooked. The metaphor comparing Alice's smile to the sun was extremely well written. The instance Evelyn's name is ...

    Jun 4, 2013


here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings