Schemilix

'Tis spelt Alibi, and you typoed second-hand, hehe, just a nitpick. It's very rich. Alive. My first issue: Yikes, you sentences are long. They just run on and on and ...

Nice. And here we go: 'big ugly worthless crow.' Naw. Too blunt and childish. You can do better, my lad. I like how the crow's sorta giving up, though I ...

Wooooooooooow. You know. Only one thing wrong: 'whispers of a sinless boy come to free her of her sins;' Sinless, sins. Repetition, if intentional, doesn't work. Anyway, thats is literally ...

Looking at your avatar I can't help thinking that the speaker's Sarah with the drugged peach, argh. Erm. Yeah. Anyway. Nice poem. I like the 'but my hands are cold' ...

Hmm... Got potential I'll give you that. The image of this little angel with such importance is sweet. But yes, grammatical nitpicks have already been done and whatnot. Not too ...

Beautiful. I love how you seem to lead us into this trite love poem and then smash it, bitterly. Such rich, bruised, harsh imagery - such hate, such hurt. You ...

Hmm... I recommend capitalising the i's. Just me, though. I cringed when you said 'baby', personally. It always gives a very false, cheesy edge to anything. It reduces it to ...

Never amount to anything. And. You messed up the bold tags. And you shout too much. Typing in caps can't compensate for a lack of punch or heart... In this ...

She walks past her dropout mother passed on the sofa surrounded by bottles. Stick a comma after surrounded, it'll just make it flow nicer. Right, overall. You start with 'she' ...

Bleak... Very bleak. Also, very good. Slow, trudging, dreary, lifeless... But in this, it fits. My only complaint is it goes a little conversational. You have some nice imagery (even ...

The title fascinates me. *Stares* RIGHT. Erm. *Reads* Let's begin. Wow. It's bizarre. It's rich - it's good. Most of it. I have to say I'm not overly fond of ...

Hmm. Not bad. Your prose is good, by any means. I'm not a romantic fiction kind of person so you'll have to forgive me if I'm a little harsh, right, ...

Works well as a song, seems like it could be well sung, but, as a poem, it lacks zazz. Not much I can say, other than I'm not too fond ...

*Reads through* *Taps chin* Rather good, actually. One thing. The rhyming. Wayyy forced. Fix it or drop it, that's all I can say. It's got this particular spark, this poem, ...

Oh, picked up a grammar error. The 'sneeks' should be 'sneaks'. Might be a typo, just pointing it out. Anyway. And the your should be you're. Anyhoowwww. Onto the poem ...