Laurenh6

Sorry I'm not sure what happened there xD

Oh sorry! You've put "Elodie sucked in her breath. It felt like daggers slicing her lungs. She let out a dry sob as for some reason tears didn%u2019t come" ... ...

Hi I was just wondering if you had any advice as to how to improve my pacing?

Yikes ok - thanks xD

Right ok, thanks .

Also , considering that you dislike it, how could I make it scarier

Umm thanks? I'll take it on board but the repetition was for a purpose. And the fact that he can take on both forms shows that it isn't human. Considering ...

Ahaa gotta love the Simpsons!

Ahhh okay yeah I'd love to see it in more depth! Describing a kiss - well it's quite soft.. As its their first kiss you could say they were like ...

Yah I get what you mean - its hard to spot your own mistakes sometimes :) . Glad I could help though :P !

No problemo :D

Thank you so much :D .. I will :D

This is so awesome oh my god!! :D

Hey there! I really like the message behind this poem, you've portrayed this family as the centre focus of the poem - the man is only mentioned briefly and I ...

Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you understand it , and like it :D . Thanks for the advice too , I think you're right about the comma - I'll ...