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Young Writers Society


Dr. Jamie Bondage

  • Poetry » Narrative, General
    Re: Cornelia Who Was Sneaky

    I loved this! It is really funny! The only mistake I spotted was, "And next to the counter, guess what found?" "She" should be inserted after "what" This was really ...

    Aug 28, 2010

  • Poetry » Other, General
    Re: Grapple with an Angel

    This was amazing! Really. I don't know what to critique about this poem. It really did blow me away. I love the imagery you present. Poetry is such a beautiful ...

    Aug 28, 2010

  • Poetry » Lyrical, General
    Re: Then You Were Gone

    Well...this is a start. 1. In lines 3 and 4, you use the word "look" twice, which does not follow with true grammatical editing. Change the second look. Also, every ...

    Aug 28, 2010

  • Poetry » Lyrical, General
    Re: Yours and Mine

    I like it in general. The words convey a very vivid picture in the reader's mind. I do not like the flow of the poem, but that is a personal ...

    Aug 28, 2010

  • Lyrics » General, General
    Re: You’ll never love me.

    First for gramatical errors: 1. Baby, I don’t what to do anymore; "Know" should be after don't. 2. Do you even know what love? "Is" should be after love. I ...

    Jul 31, 2008

  • Short Story » Romantic, General
    Re: The Island Lovers

    Okay, like you said, it's not long. Therefore, there's not much to correct. Your off to a good start though. I saw one error. "He went to met his girlfriend..." ...

    Jul 31, 2008

  • Short Story » Romantic, General
    Re: Deleted.

    First for specifics: 1. I didn't like to sleep much and I wasn't an insomniac. Contractions are bad writing. Izm sorry. a few are okay, and in dialogue it's fine, ...

    Jul 28, 2008

  • Short Story » General, General
    Re: Lake Girls (Please Review!)

    Here I go. Hope this helps: 1.Brooke took a small sip of her wine and smiled at her two friends. The year before she had turned fourteen (only three years ...

    Jul 23, 2008

  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General
    Re: Secrets of the Heart - Prologue

    That is is a pretty short piece, so there's not a lot to critique. I did find a couple of errors. 1."Passerbys were casting me strange looks as I stumbled ...

    Jul 22, 2008

  • Short Story » Romantic, General
    Re: I Kissed a Girl

    That was so sweeet! I'd make it a longer story though. this, to me, almost seems like a prolouge to a story. it's really good though! I did't see any ...

    Jul 22, 2008

  • Short Story » Romantic, General
    Re: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

    This was interesting. I didn't see any gramatical errors. All the sentences seemed correct. This seemed really short. I loved your description. it was great. but there doesnzt seem like ...

    Jul 19, 2008

  • Lyrics » General, General
    Re: All say(don't know a good title..)

    It's to short. Also, what are you trying to say? good songs, at least to me, normally convey some kind of feeling or emotion or struggle. I think you need ...

    Jul 12, 2008

  • Short Story » General, General
    Re: The Adventures of Little Hippo

    This was amazing! It's really good!!!!! The only mistake that I saw was that you didn't italicize every thought that the hippo had. also, it could've been more detailed. like, ...

    Jul 10, 2008

  • Short Story » Romantic, General
    Re: Stay

    I liked it! One thing that was confusing t me was what parts exactly were part of the song and what parts were in the story. I would suggest making ...

    Jul 9, 2008

  • Lyrics » General, General
    Re: Trail of Lies

    I like it! It's got good rythem and movement. it flows well. I started singing it in my head! Lol. my only complaint is that it seems really short. I ...

    Jul 9, 2008


hmmm. you know, the quote generator deserves some garlic bread
— SilverNight