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Carlito


  • Novel / Chapter » Mystery / Suspense, Literature
    Re: LoaMR: Ch. I: Unforgotten Murder 3 (Reworked)

    Hello again! First scene - I'm not convinced you need this one either. Similar to in my previous review with the scene I recommend you cut, I didn't think this ...

    Jan 4, 2022

  • Novel / Chapter » Mystery / Suspense, Literature
    Re: LoaMR: Ch. I: Unforgotten Murder 2 (Reworked)

    Hello! Back again :) First scene - I like that we got a little taste of the backstory but that we didn't spend too long on the backstory. I'm sure ...

    Jan 4, 2022

  • Novel / Chapter » Mystery / Suspense, Literature
    Re: LoaMR: Ch. I: Unforgotten Murder 1 (Reworked)

    Hey Mailice!! I don't know yet if I'll do a review of every section, we'll see as I go :) But I thought I'd give some thoughts as I read ...

    Jan 4, 2022

  • Short Story » Romantic, Realistic
    Re: Her Fantasy

    Hello!! I'm a little confused after reading because it's listed as a short story but I feel like I'm missing a big part of the story. Who are these people? ...

    Oct 4, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » General, General
    Re: Gray Daze, Chapter Three - Lemon-Yellow Leaves,Pt.1

    Hey! I totally understand that you want to take this down for edits :) I'm going to write a super quick review for you just so we can get this ...

    Oct 4, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Historical Fiction, Other
    Re: A Future Mistake - Chapter One

    Hey! Thanks for tagging me :) I have a few thoughts so far! 1. I appreciate reading historical fiction because I like to learn and I appreciate all of the ...

    Sep 9, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Supernatural, Teen Fiction
    Re: Neighborhood Tales: The Tale of a Hedgehog (Chapters 1 and 2)

    Hello again!! I have a few big picture thoughts about these two chapters. 1. I appreciate that you're getting us right into the action and that right off the bat ...

    Sep 2, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Supernatural, Teen Fiction
    Re: Neighborhood Tales: The Tale of a Hedgehog (Prologue)

    Hello and happy RevMo!! Here I am as requested :) You ask was this prologue good enough - I'm not fully feeling it. The thing with prologues is that most ...

    Sep 1, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Literature, Teen Fiction
    Re: Odelia and Adeline: A Summer's Tale (actual) Chap 1.1

    Hello again!! My comments on this chapter are going to be similar to my last :) First off, after reading this chapter I'm not convinced you need a prologue and ...

    Jul 18, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Literature, Teen Fiction
    Re: Adeline and Odelia: A Summer's Tale Prologue

    Hello! And welcome to YWS! :D I like to snatch up all the realistic novels in the green room and I saw the next chapter in there and thought I'd ...

    Jul 18, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Supernatural, Fantasy
    Re: Butterfly Wings - Chapter 12 - Lungs

    Hello again!! So some of the same things I said in my previous review apply here as well about being mindful of when you're overdescribing. I felt pulled out of ...

    Apr 26, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Horror, Technology
    Re: Artifical God's Part Two

    Hello there! Happy Harry Potter Review Day! Let's get this story out of the green room :) I apologize that I haven't read the previous installment, so I'll be looking ...

    Apr 26, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, Action / Adventure
    Re: Intangible Part 8-​Assassin Princess and Protective Instincts

    Hey there!! Happy Harry Potter Review Day!! It's about time we got this out of the green room :) Also, I apologize for not reading the previous installments, so I'll ...

    Apr 26, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Supernatural, Fantasy
    Re: Butterfly Wings - Chapter 10 - Stars

    Hello there! Happy Harry Potter review day! It's about time we got this out of the green room :) I apologize that I haven't read the previous installments, so I'll ...

    Apr 26, 2020

  • Novel / Chapter » Realistic, Romantic
    Re: Love Part 8

    Hey there!! Happy Harry Potter Review Day!! I picked this out of the green room because I love me so realistic romance! I apologize that I haven't read the previous ...

    Apr 26, 2020


You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
— Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid