Young Writers Society

Piggy, you've come a long way from someone who never used to like poetry. This was excellent. I wish I could give you more constructive criticism, but that's about all ...

An intro to where your piece came from is okay, but please don't feel the need to explain it. Let the piece speak for itself. This piece, while it is ...

To be perfectly honest, this didn't hold my attention very well. I think it was the pace and the lack of real exposision. I had no idea what was going ...

There are a lot of places where you have a comma and really should have used a period and started a new sentence. Unfortunately, that and one other technical thing ...

Deinitely an interesting choice of topics, one that I personally have not seen much of. What does it do to a child if their parents hate homosexuality more than they ...

To be perfectly honest, this would work much better as a monologue or a rant than a poem. That way, you would be less confined by structure or format and ...

The whole jumping from time to time bit was very unclear to me. I was only sure that was what you were doing because of reading the other responses. Non-linear ...

Eimear is right. This piece is absolutely lovely in the way it conveys the message and it reads so smoothly, but it would be so much better and the message ...

It certainly is ludacris to believe that these things are true, but if you do read it for what it is, it does make an odd kind of sense. Well ...

I love this poem simply because of the attitude behind it. I'm sure every writer who has seen a bunch of rejection letters can really relate to this. The only ...

You've got some nice ideas and images here. I had no trouble understanding what it was about, which is a trap you can easily fall into with poetry. Eimear is ...

What I would really suggest, to expand on the others' comments is to slow down. Don't just get the story told. Take your time to get to know the world ...

Well, Sweeney, he's probably a bit tipsy himself. Anyway, despite the fact that she is a bit drunk, I would have liked to see the relationship develop a bit more ...

I don't think anyone is "dissing" it because it's rap. They are making negative comments about it because they don't like it. Since I don't want to be repetative, I ...

Yeah, way too long. I read the first, maybe ten lines and just thought to myself, it's kind of pretty, but when does it end? You have to be really ...