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we are all figs here

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  • So, speaking of my other post. I read a thing and watched some things (research they call it) and unfortunately, it's come back to this. It always does.

    As a neurodivergent person in a household of narcissists (who don't 'believe' in mental health or neurodiversity) I've picked up a plethora of bad habits- a figurative mound.

    And admittedly, I got good at plucking out the ones that affected other people.

    Which was good, but that left me with harmful behaviors that were self-directed. Which was not good.

    And to my credit, I have been changing the tangible ones such, as trying to eat and drink more, medicate myself when needed, etc. (Seemingly simple things that are extremely hard for me to remember to do.)

    But it so happens, when I am behind in work...

    I don't give myself proper breaks or rewards... I just sit and rot in the same place for hours trying to force myself to focus...

    This may work for some people and for a while I was in school, I thought it worked for me. However, having a neurodivergent brain (specifically mine, because I know not all divergencies are the same and I don't know what I will eventually be diagnosed with once that becomes available to me as a resource and don't want to generalize, anyways however my brain works) it means I don't get dopamine when I finish a task.

    My brain just knows I struggle with said task. The task is obviously painful, hard to navigate, and my brain goes "bad!!".

    And then no matter how much I want to do it I never seem to do it. This is not a choice on my part.

    So, even if I sit at my computer at my kitchen table, on a hard wooden stool staring into my screen all day. (Which I've been doing constantly.) And I'm desperately trying to get words out onto paper for my uni, it still isn't happening because my brain doesn't rationalize it as cost effective for my energy.

    So, effectively depriving myself of any rewards has made me unable to do my work.

    So, apparently, I have to start rewarding myself for doing my work somehow.

    And I don't know how to do that.

    And it's scary because I just never thought it was this deep. I chalked it up to me being lazy or stupid or just bad at life.

    But it obviously is this deep.

    Any pointers on how to reward myself would be appreciated. A list would be great.

    Spearmint <333
    these ideas might not be helpful, but popping them here just in case: if there's a certain food or activity you enjoy, perhaps you can reward yourself by eating a certain amount of food/doing that activity for a certain time after finishing a task?? also if you need us to remind you to take breaks, i'm always down to post friendly reminders on your wall or smth <3

    Feb 13, 2024

    fatherfig @Spearmint Those are great ideas, feel free to give more if you have any. All are encouraged. Also, yes, I'd love reminders.
    Feb 13, 2024

    herbalhour oh my (haha?) i have the exact opposite kind of divergence !!! my brain wants me to do everything until i burn out XP anyway, a way I pace myself is like whaf mint says, rewarding myself. Now, keep in mind that we are all different. What might work for you might not work for me and vice versa-- Rewards could be anything from a sweet treat to watching yoyr favorite show! Another thing I do is make to-do lists, and staying in the congines of those to-do lists until I finish it (so that divergent mind can't lead me astray) Like mint, i can also give u reminders !!!
    Feb 13, 2024

    alliyah Gem I think you are pretty insightful to have been able to figure all that out about your mind and work habits, and knowing that about yourself is definitely going to be helpful for you I would think. In addition to herbalhour and mint's suggestions I would suggest setting a timer when you work, and possibly even timers for meal / break times to give yourself self-imposed deadlines and break times.

    I regularly have to write a 2300 word paper each week, and usually manage it by setting a timer for 1 hour increments and when my timer goes off I get up, jump 10-15 times to increase blood circulation, drink water, check on if I need food or a break etc. Having a timer to remind yourself to do a self-checkin may help you out too. Also dividing up my big tasks into manageable tasks I know I can do helps me. For instance writing a huge research paper is sometimes overwhelming so break that into things I can do ie. Research 1 hour, get 10 bullet ppints, do an outline, write intro, write conclusion, write 2 body paragraphs, write 2 more body paragraphs, edit etc. That feels like a list I could handle and helps me to not procrastinate as much. As each task ends I check it off my to do list and check on my time / health.

    Hope that helps a bit! Cheering you on friend! Do not be afraid to keep trying different work habits until you find something manageable. <3

    Feb 13, 2024

    fatherfig Thank you so much everyone. @alliyah About figuring out this about my habits... I've been stuck in this useless pattern for a while. It's just hard to break out of despite it getting me nowhere, because I have no good examples or diagrams and the merciless approach I've been taking is what I was taught was 'effective'.

    I really appreciate all input.

    Feb 13, 2024

    Snoink There are some self care apps that reward you when you do certain tasks. I used to use Habitica back in the day, but there are others there. I also found that using a planner and crossing off stuff of the list was pretty fun. But like... I am currently in a rut, so I get how difficult it can be. <3 Just keep swimming!
    Feb 13, 2024

    fatherfig <333 i did two assignments today :))
    Feb 13, 2024

    Carlito I learned about pathological demand avoidance from Demi Burnett on Instagram - @ demi_not_lovato She was diagnosed with autism later in life and has talked a lot about her experience. She describes pathological demand avoidance as “when a demand is placed on me, it feels like a threat to my nervous system” and she can’t do the task. I’m not sure if that’s quite what you’re experiencing or not, but she shares tips on her IG for how she tries to cope with it. She shared it’s also common for people with ADHD. For her, it’s less about rewarding herself but more about how she tricks her brain into making a task feel doable. But if that feels similar to your experience, hopefully that helps you find other people that struggle with the same thing 💜💜
    Feb 13, 2024

    fatherfig <333 thank you i will look into it
    Feb 14, 2024

You sound like you're becoming emotionally involved with the custard.
— Nikki Morgan