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napalmerski


  • napalmerski
    Nov 8, 2010

    Yo, everyone, I AM ABANDONING SHIP, good luck to one an all in your writing, reading, and living of life :)


    Idraax wait...what...where are you going?
    Nov 8, 2010


    Idraax Noooo! Come back! :(
    Nov 8, 2010

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  • carbonCore
    Nov 7, 2010

    ...holy! Thanks for all the points, haha, wow... Really, you didn't have to! I enjoyed the novel as it was, it's not like I didn't enjoy it. Hey, if you need anything else reviewed, give me a shout. And do stick around here for the occasional vignette, I do so enjoy your writing. :D


  • carbonCore
    Nov 7, 2010

    ...aaaand I'm done. To sum it all up, your work for me is an 8/10: sublime plot, excellent characters, AWESOME twists and references, but just a tad weak on the technical side. Having finished the novel, I can tell you for sure that I don't like the narrative loops. Again, might just be me, so get a second opinion on that one, but I don't like em. Other things like minor grammar/spelling errors stood out, only because the rest of the novel is so good. Overall: excellent job. :D I'm sure this will be published.


  • carbonCore
    Nov 6, 2010

    Well, I'm pretty far in, and I am enjoying the novel a lot - it consistently makes me laugh, and is very well written, apart from a few tiny spelling/grammatical bits. The one thing I don't agree with are the narrative loops. I don't find them to add more value to the story proper, the only thing they do for me is make the text sometimes sound like a broken record. Mayyybe I just "don't get it", but right now, that's the only bit I don't like. I'll keep going! (sorry for the slow speed, I'm more than a little busy at the moment. :P )


    carbonCore Also, why are you taking down all your works? :(
    Nov 6, 2010


  • carbonCore
    Nov 5, 2010

    Hey Sauronski, reading your novel. I'm about 1/8th in, and I have a question: do you purposely keep repeating similes? "Abe scowled and gnashed his teeth" appears at least three times, "screamed like a banshee" appears twice. I'm not sure whether I should be marking these down in my review, but right now they kind of bother me.


    napalmerski Haha, there's a list of narrative loops in the suplemental file. Some loops are not listed, so it's up to your judgement, mighty carbonski
    Nov 5, 2010


    carbonCore OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. That's what it is. I see. I noticed the list and did download it, but, as I do with all supplemental materials, I figured I'll read it later. Interesting device... I'll have to wait 'till I know whether it works or not.
    Nov 5, 2010


  • carbonCore
    Nov 5, 2010

    And, of course, the obligatory thank-you-for-the-review post. You mentioned Clarke and Asimov somewhere in the close proximity to one of my own works! I Instantly feel important. :D

    Actually, I tried to start a novel from this short story. However, it (the short story) was written 2 years ago, and I had no experience writing a novel back then... I just kind of up and started writing. Needless to say, I got about one and a half chapter in before I realized I had no idea what I was doing.

    Right now I'm writing something of a "practice novel", with a very, very richly developed world and (I think) believable characters, and a compelling enough plot. However, if it turns out to be awful, I won't be crushed much. The world of Ash, however, is my baby. I don't want to ruin it with bad writing, so I want to be absolutely sure I can write before turning it into something of a decent length. Eventually, I will surely expand it into something longer. Thanks again for your review! :D

  • Hoyo, got your opus downloaded. I have done one advanced critique before (25k word count story), and it took me six hours to do it. Your piece is just a little bit more advanced, though. :P I hope to have it done in 2-3 days. You mention that it's a plus to have experience with absurdist literature, and I have to shamefully admit I have not read any, nor have I read many literary greats. I do have VERY extensive pulp fiction experience, though. :D

    Well, best of luck to me! I do not yet have a large piece written (one's coming, although a bit slower than I hoped), but I'd like you to give this guy a shot: topic71222.html


    napalmerski Ah, pulp fiction knowledge is a major plus! Here's a crash course on absurdism http://www.sevaj.dk/kharms/kharmseng.htm , and I shall give the guy above a shot right awayski
    Nov 5, 2010


  • Idraax
    Nov 4, 2010

    Yay! Some one I know's online! Do you need another review?


  • carbonCore
    Nov 3, 2010

    Hi-o. Seen your name around a bit! Are you Russian/ex-Soviet? Or faux-Russian? :P


    napalmerski Why, I'll have you know the house of the Napalmerski was quite known and respected, and for a brief time in the mid 18th century was at its peak of power and finluence; one of the great three noble families of Medvedevsk: the Mortarski, the Clusterbombski and the Machetevitch. Count Tonine Napalmerski was in fact the patron and benefactor of composer Rotatio Machini-de Gunni, who after escaping his debtors in southern papal dominions finally accepted Napalmerski's invitation to live at their estate in Novgogolsk. Where Machini Gunni also befriended master of realistic prose Tolstoevsky, whose brooding bearded figure could be seen on chilly winter mornings, pacing the squeaking snow on Novgogolsk streets, thinking over his current project. In the end, like most writers of the Novgogolsk school he was found asphyxiated with a leather belt on his throat, dressed in stockings imported from the Neverthlands. And so the grateful Machini Gunni even dedicated a sonata to Count Napalmerski's niece - Bulimia Pornovna Napalmerski, known for her lovely thick arms. So there you have it. As it were. Yes. Indeed. Quite so. Didn't you know? Fact. Self-evident really. :D
    Nov 4, 2010


    carbonCore Why I never! Libellous filth! Scandalous slander! Have you no respect for your illustrious homeland and its artistic greats? I'll tell you what I DID know: I DID know that Tolstoyevsky diligently shaved every morning, and considered those sporting a luxurious hobo beard to be ingrates of no affluence, and therefore beneath his attention!...

    ...but wow. I'm surprised you know of Gogol! Also lolled @ "Pornovna". Her dad must've had a hard time in grade school...

    Nov 4, 2010


  • leebass
    Nov 3, 2010

    Hi, thanks for the review and kind words. I appreciate it.


  • AspiringAuthorA..M.
    Nov 2, 2010

    Several songs played backwards actually create alternative lyrics, some quite the opposite to the original. One of Britney Spears or whatever her face is, has the words, "I'm not too young" backwards. As for the Beatles, I've never heard of any of them being played backwards.


  • leebass
    Nov 2, 2010

    My pleasure. Let me know if you want anything else reviewed.


  • AspiringAuthorA..M.
    Oct 31, 2010

    But I am curious. What compled you to choose the side that the Bible says is destined to fall?


    napalmerski Onanism and playing the Beatles backwards, a terrible, terrible combination
    Oct 31, 2010


  • AspiringAuthorA..M.
    Oct 30, 2010

    The world has been fragile, my friend. It's only a matter of time before it collapses in on itself.


    napalmerski Neither is there Bodhi-tree, Nor yet a mirror bright; Since in reality all is void, Whereon can the dust fall?....Hui Neng
    Oct 31, 2010

  • thanks for the review! =))



Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?
— George Wallace