Young Writers Society

no sin is unforgivable. Bar none. as long as you seek repentance. Ask God (however you want to believe in him and what you want to believe about him) For forgiveness and you shall have it. I hope maybe you can try some churches around you and see if there is a denomination or ideals that lines up more with what you are feeling. All he wants is for you to be happy. You are his child, he will never reject you for your actions. You are loved<333 and we'll be with you on this journey me and everyone around you<3

1) Struggling with Faith -
It is absolutely okay to struggle with questions of faith - no matter what your belief system is. If we didn't grapple with questions, I honestly am not sure we are really taking our faith seriously. A quote I am incredibly fond of is by Elisabeth Elliot, "Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them." I really don't find it appropriate to try to tell you to believe or not believe across the internet on a young writer's site, so I won't do that - but I do hope you keep trying to grapple through the questions. I tend to find the more I study, the more I believe - instead of just trying to ignore my questions with religion and faith.

2) Struggling with Sin -
If you are inclined to consider from a Christian perspective - in addition to @Quillfeather's comment, I would lift up Psalm 103 for you. The whole psalm is wonderful, but especially this:

10 He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
13 As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
14 For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.

Again, not telling you what to believe, but speaking to my own perspective - there is no sin that is greater than God's love for His children. Christ's blood washes us completely, and He knew what sins I would commit even when He submitted to death on the cross. We all have done wrong things in light of the law, every person has turned to sin - sometimes everyone can see it, sometimes only we can see it, sometimes it is very heavy and seems like all we are - but praise God, His love is stronger still. And for those who repent and believe in Him, that sin, no matter what it is, no longer needs to define or restrain us, for we are free in Christ who can redeem all.

It is terribly tough to struggle with things that you've done in the past, I can resonate with that too. But the past need not define your future. If we have tried to make amends the best that we can, it's okay to move forward, to grow, and to let our past make us stronger, wiser, more compassionate as we grow.

Hope that is not coming across as preachy or presumptuous, you are more than entitled to believe what you like! Just sharing my perspective there - and please feel free to ignore anything that is not helpful to you!

i will definitely keep you in my prayers, friend <3