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Results for #gempoeting



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Showing Results For #gempoeting


  • fatherfig
    Oct 6, 2022

    #gempoeting

    TW: Dark

    Affectionately Titled Daddy Issues

    Spoiler! :

    I cook clean and I organize your underwear
    And you constantly question why I am here
    That's funny
    That's true
    Why am I here
    Why is this not you

    You tell me my legs aren't missing
    Why don't I get up and do your chores
    I don't tell you how my mind is broken
    I just let you push it more
    If run your hand along broken glass
    Be prepared to bleed when you take it back

    Your words don't affect me anymore
    I just get annoyed
    When you claim to be the adult
    You can cry all you want
    But don't expect me to bring your binky
    You test my reservations
    You seem to have no self preservation
    I am not a babysitter
    Go back to your video games

    You find your opinions
    More important than my life
    You wage a battle to prove yourself right
    You destroy me or at you least try
    Your arguments are built on fallacies
    And after I disregard you
    you think you have won
    and at the end of the night
    You want a hug
    You want me to say
    I love you

    darling I chose me
    I'm not sorry I have no pitty
    I have no binky for your crying
    When you try to ensure I feel like dying
    And you say you love me more than anything
    So when you want a warm embrace
    be happy I even let you touch me
    And don't expect reciprocation
    And if I say I love you
    There may not be an expression on my face
    You say you are a great father
    And I didn't raise myself

    Well certainly
    Every good father
    Teaches his daughter
    How to run the gauntlet
    I could walk into hell with bare feet
    Physical pain is so much easier
    You turned my mental state into
    A fault line
    you have made me into a freezer
    You ask me why I am cold

    Father why am I cold
    Why am I cold
    Why am I cold

    If warmth is what you have I don't want it
    I am ready to become the winter
    I will never let you melt me
    My new soul is made of dry ice
    ready for you to try to take
    Try to break me again
    I dare you



  • fatherfig
    Oct 5, 2022

    #gempoeting

    Help!
    It's dark on my side of the Ethernet.
    Hey!
    Is no one here but me?!

    Am I a detached soul
    Wondering in this dark hole
    Wishing there were people to see
    I dislike being chat blind, let me be!

    Person!
    I see a flicker on my screen!
    Hello!
    I'm A person too, talk to me!

    It has been ages and ages
    since another human has graced these pages
    why so lovely to see!
    unless you are a ghost doomed to fade away from me!

    I was never good at talking
    Until I had so much practice
    Ages spent typing and gawking
    Have made me quite the actress
    Once I even joined the pad
    With two devices
    You could call me mad
    But I still don't know which of me is nicest!

    Haha hahaha haha haha hahaha!

    Oh no don't leave...

    I can't let you leave.


  • fatherfig
    Oct 1, 2022

    White noise (makes the voices louder)


    My thoughts clank together
    They are enamel white and morbid
    They crack against each other
    You have no safety they spout
    Accusatorilly

    They snap and leave splinters
    to fester as I try to push them out
    They redirect trying to pierce my lungs
    invade them with their doubt
    They hate me

    If my soul was an organ
    I would get it checked
    Sometimes I think mine is missing
    Sometimes I know I never had one
    Where is it

    This body is a temple
    That I have never paid tribute to
    I don't believe in it
    But many others do for some reason
    it is unclear to me

    #gempoeting


  • fatherfig
    Sep 24, 2022

    #gempoeting

    Image


  • fatherfig
    Sep 18, 2022

    #gempoeting

    I heard a woman screaming in my yard
    I thought I saw her a couple of times before
    Her hair down in her face her health looked poor
    I felt sorry for her
    I see her in the shadows everywhere
    Her hunched back and her stringy hair
    I heard her screaming from the trees
    I heard them breaking
    And it made me freeze
    I hear her talking most of the time
    it sounds like my neighbor's distant cries
    She's my sleep paralysis demon
    With me until the dawn
    I don't know who she is
    I'm unsure if she ever lived
    She is my reflection now
    When I close my eyes
    Hers are still open
    And when I turn from the mirror
    She stabs me in the back


  • fatherfig
    Sep 13, 2022

    Maybe I wasn't born a princess maybe I was born a (k)night(mare)
    Maybe I'm not fitted by tight pink outfits and dresses
    Maybe I want my eyeliner everywhere
    What if when you tell me how beautiful I am
    I just disappeared, turned into a frog
    And when you screamed I said ' I like it here'
    No one expects a frog to turn into a princess
    Not even if they lean in and kiss us
    They'll expect a prince to appear
    But instead I'll still be here
    What a thought
    They'll say 'my prince is gay and has too much eyeliner on'

    #gempoeting


    winterwolf0100 I love the (k)night(mare) so much, such a cool play on words
    Sep 13, 2022


    fatherfig <33333
    Sep 13, 2022


  • fatherfig
    Sep 13, 2022

    I have always wanted to hold someone's hand
    But I tried it I didn't like it
    I always wanted to sit close with someone
    Like in a romantic movie
    But at the thought of it I fight it

    Maybe I am looking at it wrong
    But how would I know
    I've been going by what I was told
    But it doesn't feel right

    Because maybe I'm only romantic in thought
    And maybe I don't need anyone to touch me
    If I ask you to sit close
    Maybe I just want to sit there
    Because our connection is deep

    Maybe I think everything is gross
    Call me childish
    Or maybe when everyone assumes everything is romantic
    It makes me gravely ill
    I'm on my deathbed sick
    Because I hate it

    And maybe I just want to hold hands
    With someone who understands
    Not everything is romantic
    But then I might
    Ruin the night by falling in love
    Because I have never met someone
    Who understood

    And I liked it

    #gempoeting


  • fatherfig
    Sep 6, 2022

    #gempoeting

    Image


  • fatherfig
    Sep 1, 2022

    #gempoeting

    Image


  • fatherfig
    Aug 31, 2022

    #gempoeting

    Image


  • fatherfig
    Aug 31, 2022

    #gempoeting

    Image


  • fatherfig
    Aug 14, 2022

    #gempoeting

    I wanna break myself open like a clam shell
    I know no pearl is in there but
    I want to see it for myself
    What is inside my shell
    Because I had a nightmare it was empty


    aether <3 gem you're the exact opposite of empty
    Aug 14, 2022


    fatherfig <333333
    Aug 14, 2022


  • fatherfig
    Aug 14, 2022

    #gempoeting



    Empty

    Remember when I used to feel like
    Being comfortable in my skin
    Was a numb throb
    I think those were the pains of me growing out of it
    I still feel that way
    I thought having a pronoun change would
    Shake me out of it yet I feel the same way
    What skin fits me
    Trying them on is exhausting
    What if instead I just jump out of all of them
    I'm just a lump of gray
    Don't call me straight or gay
    But asexual is close to it
    I don't have a gender but I'm not
    Nonbinary and I'm barely agender
    I have imposter syndrome
    Down to the grey matter
    And that is all I am
    I feel like I was misplaced
    How can I be expected to impersonate
    One of these things

    The person I see in the mirror
    Is gorgeous or average but not me
    I spend minutes at a time moving my face
    To catch her slipping
    Hoping she will mess up
    She's a girl and I wonder what being a girl feels like
    I wonder what being a boy feels like
    I wonder what I am
    I felt nice thinking I was a girl
    But I never felt nice
    I never felt like a girl
    I felt grey and now I feel grey fading to black
    Only I don't want to fade into the shadows
    Because feeling your feelings is the only
    Way through them
    And my soul has a back pain
    That I can't claw away like I did everything else
    Once I cut away the false identity
    I expected the real one to
    Come out of hiding and say April fools
    but wouldn't you know it didn't

    So I'm left grasping at who I want to be
    From who I am
    Knowing it would take broken hearts
    and a faked death to get there
    And all I want is to be an 80's rockstar man
    Who doesn't have a hypocritical family
    Who say things only meant to hurt
    And dissuade ideas of individuality
    Or a artist in slacks who is nothing else
    And no-one is breathing down her back
    Telling her she failed
    And will only be paid when she's dead
    what if I could actually get my utopia
    Instead of stonewalling my way through the day
    Over and over again as what I call my identity
    Gets crushed over and over again
    While I close my eyes and cover my ears
    But pretend to be smiling


    Stringbean You'll figure it out, gem, and you're completely valid in the meantime too <333
    Aug 14, 2022


    fatherfig <3333
    Aug 14, 2022

    2 More Replies
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  • fatherfig
    Jul 23, 2022



    You were my splint
    When I was a tree
    It is no surprise with how hard I leaned
    That you fell away from me
    I grew but I grew no taller than you
    the wind whispered me stories of you
    So I could fall asleep in the winter
    You stood up one day and decided
    You weren't a splint anymore
    You planted your own roots
    And became a tree overnight
    I was proud but not surprised


    I always knew that you were more
    More than what I saw you for
    I leaned on you too hard but you never bowed
    You told me I was a strong tree
    That I could hold my own weight
    I didn't believe you so you ran away
    And then you grew into your own
    So far away but we still hold roots today
    I snapped my branches afraid to change
    I didn't want to lose connection
    I needed everything to stay the same
    But everything changes and everything changed
    Only I remained

    leaves too low to soak up sunlight
    I need to grow up like you did
    I need to let go of the memory
    Of you being a splint and I a tree
    We are different now
    We have to meet again
    In these different shapes
    And I have to know how to behave
    How do little trees look after eachothers needs
    How do I grow with you when I'm afraid
    I need to convince myself
    That I don't need a splint
    Anymore



    #gempoeting


  • fatherfig
    Jul 17, 2022

    #gempoeting

    I'm dumb
    Invasive thoughts tear my head open
    I leave it open
    Foul words crawl out of my agape mouth
    And I regret them
    I am hoping that I don't hurt anyone
    As I'm hurting
    as I'm hurtful
    You are amazing
    I am annoyed I can't be like you
    I am broken
    I need to ductape myself closed so I can't hurt you
    But then I still hurt you
    You feel worthless and ignored
    Damn it hurts me
    I'm in too deep I can't do anything right
    I just want you okay
    I just want you feeling good
    I want you to feel important
    And to always try to improve
    Because I think there is nothing you can't do
    Except realize that I see so much beauty in you
    I'm just broken and I can't tell you
    Because I like to change the subject
    And I forget what I was going to say
    I'm sorry it took me so long to say
    But I love you and I think
    You are perfect and you are still growing
    So you can become even more amazing
    So please keep going
    You have all my faith
    I believe in you
    And I always have


  • fatherfig
    Jul 17, 2022


    hollow hollow broken
    disrepair from your disregard
    we weren't in love but i have a broken heart
    if i were acting then why would I be in pain
    i may have smiled until you thought it was a game
    but some of the smiles were fake
    i wanted to try to fix my mistakes
    I just wanted you to get out unscathed
    and it honestly seemed like we had something
    i really thought we were something
    i wanted us to change our lives
    i thought we had something sacred
    i thought we could make it
    i guess i made another mistake
    because with you i felt special
    or maybe i was the mistake
    i had many long days and you made them
    with you i knew i wasn't alone
    i thought that we were best friends
    that we were mind twins
    that we were going through this together
    being alone makes my head hurt
    withdrawals
    am I the only one having
    withdrawals
    i'm having
    WITHDRAWALS

    i thought we were in this together
    i put all my dopamine in the chair next to me
    to make it feel like when we talked
    but it slowly dissipated
    as the image of you faded
    from my eyes
    and sorry if I am being dramatic
    but we made something beautiful together
    and when you left i think you still had it
    you are still my favorite
    you are still in my soul
    the dopamine you took you can have it
    and i freely gave you all the time you stole
    i don't regret our friendship
    i'm just having
    withdrawals


    #gempoeting


  • fatherfig
    Jul 16, 2022

    #gempoeting

    I am just late night thought,

    But maybe life doesn't care if you
    Only want to see the parts of it that are pretty.

    Maybe life is trying to force us from
    Our shallow comfort zones.

    I have been surrounded by shallow people,
    I think I understand why life would lash out.

    Are we the fair weather friends of life?
    I want to drop my anger and sadness,

    Disuse my disgust and find joy.
    If everything is funny and I'm laughing

    Then I can see the joy in life
    Even through the ugly hours.

    Laughing is said to do the body good.
    Wouldn't it be more polite to laugh?


  • fatherfig
    Jul 13, 2022

    Why am I awake right now
    My tooth is sore
    But easily ignored
    So why am I awake
    My eyes burn and should be closed
    Why are they open
    In the fan

    The night inside my room
    Feels peaceful and nothing is lurking
    To try to grab my covered feet
    My bed is comfy
    The atmosphere is clean
    Why not sleep?

    My brain whispers
    Not right now
    My fingers hum on a screen
    I see why I'm awake
    And it is an easy fix
    Goodbye goodnight
    Energy drain device
    You can be helpful or mean

    #gempoeting

    Tonight's insomnia wasn't really insomnia @-@ which is even worse


    NewHope Does insomnia count if you can’t sleep until it’s already like 2 to 5 am. Because I’m lying my bed from 9:30 till 5 and not falling asleep and then waking up at 9.
    Jul 13, 2022


    fatherfig That sounds like insomnia to me
    Jul 13, 2022

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  • fatherfig
    Jul 12, 2022


    people are earthy
    the mud of their hands thick
    brains full of sediment
    and feet slick with clay
    their mossy heads are acorns
    because their hearts are roots
    and their feet are rocks
    the topsoil of their skin is beautiful



    people are moldable
    terracotta even though i don't
    know what that means
    they don't have a melting point
    but they can pretend
    that the pressure put onto them
    melted their ore eyes
    as the water they cry
    makes them oxidize
    because it burns



    people are repairable
    you can use anything
    to fill the holes the root rot left
    i have an old favorite though
    fill them with amber
    it's just more pretty when
    another more primal earthy one
    pulls the others heart out


    don't worry they are replaceable
    and i would happily give mine to them
    even if it was the only one left
    because earthen people can be dutiful
    i would just hope for all my patches to hold
    my root heart was cracked
    the root rot was intense
    but i patched it myself with what i had
    freshly cooked coffee grounds
    an old wooden ladle and
    my favorite book
    and i think scotch tape is earthy enough


    i'm no hero i just think
    earthy people like us should
    be mindful and clasp our muddy hands
    and help each other breathe


    #gempoeting


    fatherfig @Stringbean
    Jul 12, 2022


    Stringbean I really love this one, gem <333
    Jul 12, 2022

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  • fatherfig
    Jul 6, 2022

    #gempoeting

    I'm too much
    I'm too much when I'm in pain
    I hurt
    I think something is wrong with me
    I don't think I could drink any coffee
    I'm afraid that it will make it go away
    Or maybe the bitterness would help me digest
    Not everything in life is sweet
    Maybe the bitter things are meant to help
    How could this help
    It hurts so bad
    I was too reliant
    And if I sit for a minute I can feel the weight
    Of tear salt on my eyelashes
    I want you back
    I want you back
    and I miss you
    More salt right now its wet
    I can't wait for it to build
    Crystal towers on my cheeks
    But the salt is so itchy
    I wipe the towers away while they sleep
    There really is something wrong
    The tears stop but never cease
    I said I was going to play his game
    I'm A juxtaposition because I'm writing instead
    Trying to filter all these tears from my head
    But I can't get all the salt out
    And I don't know if I want coffee or not
    I'm not even sure if I am allowed to feel so rotten
    He wasn't mine to have lost
    I didnt know him
    But I wish I did
    And now I can't


  • fatherfig
    Jul 6, 2022

    How do you mourn someone you never knew
    How do you fix a heart that is confused
    I want so badly to go back
    To when you were still here
    My eyes water as I think about
    Every time you managed to make me laugh
    Even through the worst times I had
    You always managed to make me laugh
    I just wish you were still here
    I can't believe you aren't still here
    If only my sadness would bring you back
    But I know instead I should make people laugh
    And continue the wonderful presence you had
    But I badly miss you
    I guess I can just add you to the list
    Of people in my life that died too soon

    #gempoeting


    Stringbean <3
    Jul 6, 2022


    fatherfig <3333
    Jul 6, 2022

    2 More Replies
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  • fatherfig
    Jul 4, 2022

    #gempoeting


    I heard that there was a place
    Where being enough would smack you in the face
    Where your high energy level wouldn't change
    It would be paradise

    I worshipped the idea of it
    I wanted to live there so bad
    And I think I still do
    But the patrons to this place
    Torture you

    I think I found it inside my mind
    I can't feel them hurting my outside
    But it only works as long as I hide

    Lock away the memories
    Hide your face between your knees
    And every time they speak
    Put your fingers in your ears
    Disallow their words weight
    Manually dispel the waste they try to make
    You mimic what they say
    Pretend you agree

    You feel sick and weak
    You are so angry
    You want them all to leave
    You aren't hiding well enough
    You are not allowed to feel

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Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart.
— Andréa Balt