Young Writers Society

Sorry this took so long! Even though I have some free time right now, it's not enough to cover a large piece like the one you've posted, so I'll be doing this in three posts with each section: the Prologue, Chapter 1, and Chapter 2. This one's the Prologue, since it's really all I can get done at the moment. xD

And so they twisted and tangled, mirroring the horror that was my life...

I haven't read a lot of manuscripts that start off like this, so this would be a first, or one of them. You've got to be careful with your hooks on the very first line of your book. It can make or break it. That being said, this one is pretty good. It sets the mood as a little darker than usual, which by reading your short description, is the kind of direction you want to go for. Just be careful no to overdo this mood, and be able to balance this mood with a lighter tone when appropriate.

Comma after tangled because of the "dramatic" pause. Helps also because of the mood.

A cigarette hung from his mouth suggestively,

This already either tells us about the character or your writing style. Suggestively as in provocatively? Because that's the first synonym that popped into my head. If you meant something like inviting or welcoming or something like that, then you might want to add some more details or word if differently if you want to get across a different intention.

The frieze was intricate

I think the repetition of frieze is unnecessary, but others might view it differently.

but also menacing, for each section of the board was carved with wooden figures, bas-reliefs, grotesque and startling in all their glory.[b]

Praise for the relation of menacing to the second bolded section. You picked a good word.

The cigarette he was smoking was taken from a now empty packet of Gauloise,[b]- Français cigarettes.

I think the dash is better suited for this situation just because it looks a little less awkward.

The cigarettes were cast upon a spindly-legged mahogany table, which sat in the middle of the grand, but near empty, room.

Like the previous one, I think the cigarettes is a bit repetitive. Try and substitute another word, or just put 'they'. Don't be afraid of pronouns. They can be your friends sometimes.

When he inhaled the musky smoke, every catch and grate in his throat could be heard, and the sound reverberated off of the walls, bouncing back into the middle of the room, distorted, until the echo of the catch in his throat became nothing but a mere sigh

It's a great sentence, but it seems a little awkward when it goes as long as it does. It's not grammatically incorrect, but when you see appositive inside of an appositive inside of an appositive...it becomes weird to read. I suggest you make this one a little shorter by altering one of the phrases and maybe putting in a semi-colon in instead of a period. The semi-colon shows more of a relation between the two conjoining sentences than the period.

It was too... Quiet.

I respect your effort to try and avoid the cliche It was quiet...too quiet..., but this just doesn't sound right. It might be just me, but I suggest you have something different as a backup plug in phrase, just in case.

Then, suddenly, the Gauloise went out and darkness prevailed.

So did the lights simultaneously go out as the cigar did? Mention that the only light was coming off of the cigar earlier in the paragraph.

The room was darkening already with the setting sun,

Random sun much? Hello sun! I was just getting a cigar, would you mind lighting it for me? No. Because the sun is a huge star millions and millions and millions of miles away from Earth, and if it was close enough to light your cigar, you'd probably be dead. However, safely acknowledging the sun through a window is a lot safer. Put in some windows so your character doesn't die. xD

Then the darkness sang him to sleep - and Isaiah,

Eh, not digging the dash here. Maybe just a comma would suffice.

But even in the darkness they stared in, from windows hooded by nostalgic rich red curtains.

At least you have the windows now. I'm confused as to who the 'they' are.

Overall, interesting opening prologue. The backstory...was a really short one actually xD But that's okay; a lot of people tend to skim over or even skip prologues altogether because they can sometimes be boring. Yours is quite short and is pretty easy to follow along. I had to get a little nit picky to write all the stuff above, so that means your writing style for the Prologue is pretty good. I'll have Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 up sometimes soon.