Young Writers Society

This is a very short sweet and to the point poem. I love the briefness of it, yet you manage to get a depth in the meaning of the poem that is hard to do even in a much lengthier poetry. I also like how you have the whole poem in quotation marks. I am not sure whether or not you meant for the readers to notice that or for it to add on a new meaning, but I believe that the quotations, no matter how small they are, make a large difference in the meaning and interpretation of the poem. Maybe you already had thought of this, but maybe you could add in another poem in response to this one, in which the person to whom all of this was being told reacts to all that was said.

The one point that I would like to make for you to consider correcting is the rhyme scheme. It sort of changes throughout every verse. For example in the first stanza the rhyme of caring and overbearing almost seems like to much to me. Maybe you could change one of the words? And then in the second stanza it changes from the protruding rhyme I just mentioned, to no rhyme at all.

Lastly, In the third stanza, the last two lines are very similar. Although this can be used as a powerful tool in poetry, I believe that it would be better to change up the word choice in one of those lines. Maybe instead of saying "I mean for you to keep it" you could say "I wish that you would keep it". That is just a personal preference which you may disagree with, I just thought I would let you know my point of view on that part.

Overall this is a truly amazing poem. I do however recommend that you review it on your own. I catch so many things in my own writing when I review it and find it to be a very helpful tool. Great job and keep on writing!

Though this is a very short poem it is a sweet one. Sometimes I find that short and sweet is the best way to go. I really liked it and even though there are few words, reading between the lines at the underlying meaning is what often makes poetry all the more beautiful. Very nice work.

Hi, I'm firepen. This is a really sweet poem. I think that if you could take out the big gaps in between the lines, that would be really good! You portray the idea of 'love' very well. I know a that some have said that they do not like the word 'caring' on its own. However, I do but it would be better if there were more words on their own so that this one does not stand out so much. I hope this helps. Also, If you typed this and you couldn't get out the gaps between lines, I'd be happy to try and help you. If you would like help, PM me!

Its a super cute poem!! and I love it!! At first let me tell you that even though it is a very good one, a bit of grooming would have done this poem a lot more good. Here the spaces between the lines are not much but very much since it is a poem. No punctuation has made the poem dull, inexpressive and confusing. You made it in a 3-3-3-1 pattern but you could have tried something else to remove the odd looking last line out. I do not know how but maybe by adding a bit more lines. Have you tried it to make it a sonnet? That would also look good as your poem has fourteen lines. As far as the eye goes there are no mistakes at all but there are some poetic ones. Every poem has a color so at first it is better to decide the subject of the poem, then the feelings you want to express and finally the color to go with it so that it looks more lively. In your poem the main color was rose pink, all about love but there were some colorless areas. I do not know if you are getting the color thing but it needs to have a shade, a hue in it. Keep writing and I am sure you will get better. This one was good yes but one needs to get better no?? Good luck and keep writing!!:D

Hey there!

Nice poem since its giving out a really nice meaning. But one thing I can't understand is, why is so spread out? It was really romantic and maybe this may be referring to your real life? Well, it seems that you've done a nice job.

The other thing I would like to say is that, you don't have to start the whole poem everytime in a capital letter. Unless the poem ends with a full-stop, start the next line with a capital letter otherwise, write it in low case. Okay? x)

Now, to the mistakes. I'm sorry, if I sound a little too nitpicky. >.<

wordsandwishes wrote:

My gift is loving

Caring

And sometimes overbearing

wordsandwishes wrote:
It's fragile

But knowing

Don't let it slip away

wordsandwishes]
I love you

I mean it

I mean for you to keep it
[/quote]

Now here, it seems so incomplete. >.< "I mean it" is again, so plain. You should have added "I really mean it" or something like that to flow in the meaning. But that's okay. Though the last line, I know you're asking your love to to keep your love, but there too it seems incomplete again. :S

[quote="wordsandwishes wrote:
My lovely

My darling


I give my heart to you

I love the simplicity and direct message of this. It reminds me of one of my favorite bands Sigur Ros. Their lyrics are mostly minimal, but you can feel the emotion behind the writer, the experiences that made those emotions, and it helps the reader connect to them.

Hi there,

I enjoyed your poem. : ) There is a lot of love in this poem. And I am such a sucker for love. A couple of things. The form of your poem is kind of confusing.

"My gift is loving

Caring

And sometimes overbearing


It's fragile

But knowing

Don't let it slip away


I love you

I mean it

I mean for you to keep it


My lovely

My darling


I give my heart to you"

Your stanzas are awkwardly spread out. Using punctuation would help your poem convey the message better also. Like some commas here or there. And some periods as well. Punctuation is something that creates the tension in a poem as well. You could go much deeper with your feelings also. And express what you truly feel in your heart. Love is something never taken lightly and writing poetry about really means you mean it.

Ok, so what are you doing here? The first stanza rhymes, the second stanza doesn't, the third stanza repeats, and the fourth...ends the poem in the style of the second stanza.

So, are you rhyming, or not? Poetry doesn't have to rhyme, but it does have to have a certain theme throughout. If you want to rhyme, do so all the way through. Keep to your style. That's not to say liberties can't be taken; but you need to be consistent all the way through.

Now, this second stanza--what are you trying to say? "But knowing"--what? What does darling know? Is it that writer loves him? Is it that love is fragile? What? And why is the fact that love is fragile adjacent to "Don't let it slip away"? Fragility doesn't go together with slipperiness, to me. Maybe expound on the fragility of love, and then use another stanza to explain how fleeting it is?

Now, on the last stanza: did you mean for that last line to be double-spaced? I know that YWS sometimes messes up formatting, or it could just be a simple mistake. No big--but if it's intentional, that extra space shouldn't be there, because that would place an extra emphasis on the last line, and there's really no need. "I give my heart to you" doesn't stand out, or anything. :/ sorry.

One more thing: you really need some punctuation of some sort. I realize that this is a poem--I write poetry, myself. There is still a place for punctuation in poetry (I couldn't resist the alliteration)--in fact, it can enhance your poem when used properly. I don't really have any suggestions here, because honestly, what have are half-sentences and short phrases, held together by... line structure? The premise of poetry. It's not enough to put words together in lines, you see. You have to work with English, realize the beauty of the language, play with it and see what it can do for you. Then you'll be writing poetry.