Young Writers Society

This is a very good poem. You did very good focusing on on the point, it seems deep, and in a good way, and I liked it very much. Does it have a title? I dont know if poems have to have titles but guess that's the only thing I noticed. Great job! Keep up the greatwork!

Wow... this is a really powerful poem. I think you did wonderful on writing this: it's not long and winding, and you got your message across in just eight lines. It's concise, clear and just awesome.

I do think that the third and fourth lines need a bit of editing. The poem flows pretty smoothly, excapt for those lines. Maybe just rephrasing them would work.

Overall, your poem is really good! I somehow end up with really long, winding poems, though that may also be because I like to keep the lines short.

I think that this is a really powerful poem, and enjoy the multiple meanings in it. The last line was amazingly phrased and I think it really leaves you thinking. If I were to change one thing, I think that the third, and fourth lines could use rephrasing. The rest of the poem flows very nicely, but when I read that I found it a little bit less smooth. Maybe you could say something more like (just rephrasing your exact words) "a hollow ache lies within, the deep heaving of my chest". That is just an idea, but phrase it however you like. I loved how this poem was short and to the point! Keep on writing!!!!