z

Young Writers Society



The Hobbit's Hole

by GeorginaMay


The hobbit led me into the fifth room on the left of the main tunnel, telling me it was the living room. He swung the thick wooden door open (painted a humble yet warm brown - rather shy compared to the front door that had initially greeted me) revealing a surprisingly large room with sunshine tumbling in through the circular crisscross windows, latticed like homemade cherry pie. I took a step in and the enormity of the space grasped me - yet it wasn't a space, every gap there would have normally been in a regular house was occupied by a pretty ornament of a thatched cottage, or a cheery bouquet of yellow flowers, or a cherished photo of more beaming hobbits.

It was then that the fragrance of the room leapt upon me: it was a jumbled mix of freshly baked bread, (the kind that comes out of the oven with a golden crust and you can hear the delightful crunch before you touch it and taste the fluffy insides before you even have chance to take a closer look) recently mown grass and furniture polish.

Ushered to sit down, I chose a plush armchair with a high back, patched in places where the palest shade of pink velvet had begun to lack some of it's original lustre. In front of me was a carefully arranged spread of all the foods that only your grandma made on the most special of occasions - scones housing plump raisins and glace cherries, slices of flapjack glistening with golden syrup, pieces upon generous pieces of fruitcake with more precisely chosen fruit than cake. And then rows and rows of spreads - raspberry, strawberry, blackberry, blueberry, apricot, peach and other unrecognisable breeds of jams. Curds and marmalades were an ethnic minority but still there were too many to count on my fingers - and toes, for that matter. Further behind them stood three towering jugs of liquid: one of a turquoisey shade, another I believed to be purple but anyone else might have called pink, it was hard to tell in the midday sunlight, an finally one that was clear at the top but eventually turned a deep blue at the base of the jug, quite like how the ocean quickly turns pitch black in the deepest of trenches.

I peered behind the feast and noticed the hobbit standing in the doorway, looking back at me with kindly emerald eyes. Nevertheless, no matter how I tried to concentrate on the food, I couldn't help wondering how long he'd been standing there without announcing his arrival. Curious.


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Sun Sep 12, 2021 11:43 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was a neat little piece here, a very relaxed sounding start with mostly just a description of this homely looking house and a very tasty sounding feast there and I love the light touch of mystery towards the end there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The hobbit led me into the fifth room on the left of the main tunnel, telling me it was the living room. He swung the thick wooden door open (painted a humble yet warm brown - rather shy compared to the front door that had initially greeted me) revealing a surprisingly large room with sunshine tumbling in through the circular crisscross windows, latticed like homemade cherry pie. I took a step in and the enormity of the space grasped me - yet it wasn't a space, every gap there would have normally been in a regular house was occupied by a pretty ornament of a thatched cottage, or a cheery bouquet of yellow flowers, or a cherished photo of more beaming hobbits.


Oooh...haven't read about any sort of hobbit in quite some time, this is an intriguing start here just because of that...aand looks like we're looking a really neat little description right here of this house, you've certainly included quite some details there and we can very easily picture every nook and cranny of the house here.

It was then that the fragrance of the room leapt upon me: it was a jumbled mix of freshly baked bread, (the kind that comes out of the oven with a golden crust and you can hear the delightful crunch before you touch it and taste the fluffy insides before you even have chance to take a closer look) recently mown grass and furniture polish.


Ahh I love that you've given us the smells in addition to the visual imagery of earlier, cause this really adds towards that description in making it that much easier to imagine the place and it really does manage to establish this setting and general atmosphere rather well here.

Ushered to sit down, I chose a plush armchair with a high back, patched in places where the palest shade of pink velvet had begun to lack some of it's original lustre. In front of me was a carefully arranged spread of all the foods that only your grandma made on the most special of occasions - scones housing plump raisins and glace cherries, slices of flapjack glistening with golden syrup, pieces upon generous pieces of fruitcake with more precisely chosen fruit than cake. And then rows and rows of spreads - raspberry, strawberry, blackberry, blueberry, apricot, peach and other unrecognisable breeds of jams. Curds and marmalades were an ethnic minority but still there were too many to count on my fingers - and toes, for that matter. Further behind them stood three towering jugs of liquid: one of a turquoisey shade, another I believed to be purple but anyone else might have called pink, it was hard to tell in the midday sunlight, an finally one that was clear at the top but eventually turned a deep blue at the base of the jug, quite like how the ocean quickly turns pitch black in the deepest of trenches.


AHh, these are some really lovely details that you bring out here in the description of the food and the seating arrangements there...the food especially is described really well and now I'm actually quite hungry a result of this...oh dear...well so far, we've got some really awesome descriptions going on in this piece.

I peered behind the feast and noticed the hobbit standing in the doorway, looking back at me with kindly emerald eyes. Nevertheless, no matter how I tried to concentrate on the food, I couldn't help wondering how long he'd been standing there without announcing his arrival. Curious.


Oooh, well this adds a delightfully mysterious spin to things here at the end...always love to see something like that towards the end....this is a really nice way to close off all of that description, with just the tiniest of hints about what may be going on there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall just a pretty solid piece here...you establish the place and atmosphere and then leave us with a tiny piece of information to think about there.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Apr 06, 2012 9:38 am
ChocoCookie wrote a review...



Hello Georgina! :D

You have a wonderful story here! :) And you are an amazing writer. You've got a great flow of writing and I just wanted to read every bit of it. ;)

Like I said, I don't find many mistakes. You seem to have all your punctuation correct and the grammar is already corrected my Zly. ^^

Just one thing:-

GeorginaMay wrote: I couldn't help wondering how long he'd been standing there without announcing his arrival. Curious.


Maybe the last word "Curious", should change. It puzzled me a bit. Maybe you could change it to, "It was curious." or something like that. :)

Other than that, all I can is... A JOB WELL DONE! XD

Any more reviews needed, just click on my "Need a review?" link. I'll be happy to see more of your works. ;)

Love,
Cookie.




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Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:08 pm
GoldenQuill wrote a review...



Hay Georgina! It's Zly/Golden/Aushy/Whatever you want to call me, here for a review!

Before I start, I want to tell you to never sell yourself short. Even "talented writers like ourselves" need to improve. For example, when dialouge begins, I find it hard to stay witty and keep description. I used to abuse semi-colons. I always wrote 'would of' instead of 'would have'. There are always things one can improve upon. Be confident in your skill!

Now, I'm a nitpicky sort of person, so let's nitpick.

I noticed throughout the passage you always used a space dash space rather than the costumary dash dash. For example:

the space grasped me - yet it wasn't a space

should technically be
the space grasped me--yet it wasn't a space

(but I like your way better)

Also,
to lack some of it's original lustre

you used the wrong 'its' here. This one stands for 'it is,' and you need the one with posession of an object. It's confusing, I know!

Other than that, this was fantastic! Great food description! I've read the beginning of The Hobbit, and you did a very good job. I loved this! Please PM me or visit my spaceship if you ever want a review, I love your writing and definitely look forward to more!

Keep calm and carry on,
Aushy :}




GeorginaMay says...


Thankyou so much, I was copying this out of my exercise book so let's blame that for the grammar problems;)

Thankyou again!!
~ Georgie




There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
— Arthur C. Clarke