Young Writers Society

Hey FallenAngel,

(First of all, I should explain that I’ve changed my name from MorningMist recently; I think that was still my name/the name of the request thread when you requested the review and I don’t want to confuse you. )

Anyway, thank you for requesting the review! I’m sorry that it took me so long to get here. Keep in mind that this review is probably going to be quite short since this is such a short fragment of a piece.

Really, my main advice for you with this is to carry on with it. Writing takes work and perseverance, and the best way to improve is to practise. It’s great to share with others sometimes and ask for their opinions, but you don’t need anybody’s permission to write. If you feel like writing, write: let yourself get into it, and let the story unravel. You should definitely continue with this – as long as you want to. Even if by the time you get to the end of the story you don’t like the beginning anymore, there’s always time to edit and improve it.

So far, this sounds interesting, but it’s difficult to tell much from something so unfinished. Don’t be afraid to continue it, and maybe when you’re done you can post the rest of it and send me a link: then I can do a more thorough review for you. For now, just carry on! There’s nothing stopping you and no knowing yet what this could evolve into.

So far it sounds quite bitter and dramatic. It’s not the kind of thing that I’d usually read but there’s plenty of room for it to be developed into a good story. It sparked my interest, anyway, and if there had been more to read I would have read on.

In summary: just keep writing and continue it until it feels finished – then you can edit and improve. If you have any questions or post this later when you’re finished with it, feel free to send me a PM.

~Niebla~

Hey, thanks for reviewing that story for me. I really like how you started it off, your word choice really helped me picture what was happening in the scene. It was easy to see the pain that she was going through and I think that if you did continue with the story it would be something I would love to reading. Good job, and hope you continue it
Where you write "I had betrayed him, and now I am paying the price." Who were you refering to? The guy that she loved of God?

I could feel myself falling, gaining tremendous speed as I plummeted towards earth at unbelievable speed. I had betrayed him, and now I was paying the price. My beautiful white wings had been ripped from my body, leaving behind two bloody scars and an agonizing pain that traveled down the length of my back.

What have I done? I thought to myself as I continued to fall, the ground growing closer with each passing second. All I wanted... was to love.

They took my wings all because I fell in love with a human.

Maybe this was best. Who wants to live in a place where you're not allowed to love?

I knew what was coming when I met him, but I didn't expect it to be like this. I didn't expect it to hurt this much. The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional torment building up inside of me, turning my heart into nothing but a hollow black hole. What is going to happen to him? Will he grieve for me? Will he move on? Will they kill him too?
They say the last thing an angel feels is falling. I guess I was about to find that out the hard way.