z

Young Writers Society



Happy Valentine's Babe

by unsocialbutterfly


I'm so 
Scared
I work up things in my mind-
Never fully believing in them  
But yet I still feel 
Like I could throw up- 
Right on your shoes 

I feel like I would 
But then I see you 
And I kind of want it anyway 
And then I really want it when I know 
I no longer can have it 

I'm so terrified of finality 
And I'm scared of getting a real beginning 
I want to skip to the middle with you


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58 Reviews


Points: 1155
Reviews: 58

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Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:30 pm
misstoria wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this piece. However it needs a few tweaks. When writing a poem consider line length. Variation is good in sentence but not so much in poems. Most of the line lengths are good except the first two. You went from 2 words - to 1 word - to 7. The extreme variation throws off flow. Something else I'd like to mention is the fact that even though it's a poem it should be composed of sentences. Add in punctuation and correct capitalization, capitalizing the first letter of every word may look good but it makes it harder to see the sentence breaks. Don't feel obligated to change the structure but I suggest it. Otherwise I really like the ideas and emotion in this poem. I love the first stanza!
Keep Writing!-Tori





Man is by nature a political animal.
— Aristotle