z

Young Writers Society



Racing on the Wind

by RedMoon


CHAPTER 1

Jaycie stared out the window of her mother's white honda sedan, watching as red and yellow leafed trees flew past. As the road snaked up the mountain side, she caught glimpses of deer leaping through the trees at the sound of their car. Behind them, a squirrel streaked across the road anxious to get to his nut gathering. She sighed at all these simple things and turned to the backpack on the seat beside her, rumaging through the deep pocket and pulling out a sketch pad and pencil.

Jaycie hesitated before opening it. Her dad had taught her to draw. It had been their hobby, what they did to pass the time. Now that he was gone, drawing wasn't the same any more, but it was the only thing that she had to remember him by since her mom had sold the stables.

She glanced at her mom, who kept her eyes on the road ahead obviously thinking about dad like she was. Jaycie looked a lot like her mother, long golden brown hair and bright green eyes with a slim figure and a pretty face. She was fifteen years old and her world had fallen a part. Ever since her dad had died, she had hardly talked to her mother. The only comfort in the world she had left was her old horse Delilah.

Delilah was a 25 year old mare. She had a Silvery mane and a palomino colored coat. The thought of her father and her riding the mare together made her smile. Her father was a horse trainer and had loved horses very much and had gotten Jaycie her own horse, too.Her smile faded thinking of the accident that had killed her dad.

She pulled out the drawings and looked at them. One was a picture of Jaycie on Delilah. Jaycie remembered her dad drawing that, while Jaycie,at three years of age, had riden Delilah around their old riding ring.The other picture she looked at was a drawing of Delilah in her stall. She looked like she was smiling. The last picture she had was a picture of Jaycie and her dad playing tag. Her mom had drawn that picture when they were in the backyard playing. It made her smile.

They finally arrived at their new home. It was a small property but it had a barn and a small pasture. She sighed. Back where she used to live they owned their own riding stables. Jaycie got out of the car and went sraight to unload Delilah.

"Tired?" she asked as she unloaded the mare and took her to the barn. She had just settled Delilah in her new stall when her mom called her in for lunch. She walked in and went to go clean up.

Her mom had bought a small house making sure to find one with a barn. She had sold all the other horses along with the stables but couldn't sell Delilah. Jaycie wouldn't let her.

Jaycie found her room and cleaned up in the bathroom across the hall. She then went back to the dining room and ate lunch in silence. As soon as she was done she retreated to the barn.

"Ready to go for a ride?" she asked Delilah as she started brushing her. She soon had her sparkling and all tacked up. She then did a smooth mount and was off. Jaycie urged Delilah to a fast trot then a canter and soon a gallop. They were galloping along the mountain sides and plains, when Jaycie noticed something moving up ahead. She went towards it and found it to be a herd of wild horses. Jaycie dismounted and stood watching for a few seconds.

Then one of the horses picked up his head and suddenly shreiked a shrill cry. Alarmed, the herd ran in a panic the way they had come. The only one who remained was the horse who had alarmed the herd. He was a beautiful, magnificent, big, jet black horse. You could see he was a strong horse. Jaycie stared at him in awe for a few minutes entranced by the stallions' beauty.Then the stallion walked up to her, but stood a far enough distance away so that Jaycie couldn't reach him.

Then he suddenley turned around and ran after the herd. She watched until he was out of sight. She got back up on Delilah and she started riding back to her house. She was still thinking about him when she got home. She just walked upstairs and got ready for bed and fell asleep. She was even dreaming about the stallion. She dreamnt that she was riding him along the mountain side. The wind was rushing through her hair.

Then she woke up.

She went down stair ate her breakfast and took care of Delilah. While she did she was still thinking of the stallion. As she did she smiled. Then her smile faded and she started worrying about him. What if he was sick? What if he was caught somewhere? She decided to go and check on him. Then she changed her mind. She decided she was going to go and get him and bring him home with her. After all, they had enough space in their barn and their was more than enough money.

She quickly grabbed Delilahs' tack and tacked her up and grabbed her lasso.Then she went off to find her beloved stallion. She rode back to the place where she had found the herd the other day. There they were.

She scanned the herd looking for the stallion. Then she spotted him. He walked over to her again. She was prepared to have run off again so she closed her eyes. It surprised her to feel a soft,warm nose touch her hand. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at her hand. There she saw a black nose on her hand. She looked up and saw the big, black stallion and smiled. She reached down and grabbed the lasso she had brought and slipped it around his neck.

Startled, he started bucking and reared. She screamed as the stallions hooves came down towards her.


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93 Reviews


Points: 2211
Reviews: 93

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Tue Dec 08, 2020 7:50 pm
starbean wrote a review...



Hi! Hannah here for a quick review. I know this thing is almost nine years old but whatever. First of all, great descriptions! Second, there were a few grammar/capitalization/punctuation issues such as
"a squirrel streaked across the road anxious to get to his nut gathering." There should be a comma after road.
"She had a Silvery mane and a palomino colored coat."
Silvery does not need to be capitalized.
"She quickly grabbed Delilahs' tack and tacked her up and grabbed her lasso."
There should be a comma after tack and tacked her up.
Overall, this was a good piece and I hope to hear more like this from you. Merry Christmas, keep writing, and have a nice day!

Hannah




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37 Reviews


Points: 3404
Reviews: 37

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Wed Feb 22, 2012 1:33 am
ShootingStars wrote a review...



Hello! This is Shooting Stars as requested! (finally) Sorry for taking soooooo long!
First of all, I wanted to say that the descriptions were marvelous. They created an image in my head of everything going on, made me want to continue reading, and they were very well put. However, there are a couple of mistakes I noticed immediately.
1. You have a few grammatical, punctuational, and capitalization errors such as, "...white honda sedan." I believe that since this is a type of car, it should be capitalized.
2. There are many lines with the repetition of the same word. It grows slightly boring if you use the same word like "she" or "Jaycie" over and over.
3. I like your descriptions but make sure to "show" more than you do "tell."
4. Comment: AHH!!! It left me hanging! I want to keep reading!
Overall, the piece was enjoyable and well-written! Great job for you and your sister! I really liked it, so keep these minor things in mind.
Keep going!
---Shooting Stars




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34 Reviews


Points: 59
Reviews: 34

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Thu Feb 02, 2012 5:18 am
RedMoon says...



NOTE: This story is one of the works of my sisters, the first couple paragraphs (or whatever) being written by me. She wants to know what you all think so any reviews, even mean are accepted.
Hopefully she will soon have her own account. :). Thanks in advance for the reviews!





The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices; to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicions can destroy. A thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own.
— Rod Serling, Twilight Zone