Okay, the title drew me in perfectly, which I always love it when a writer does that. But, I must admit, your first line, both confused me, and slightly bored me. I mean, only after reading the whole poem and then rereading the sentence did I finally understand what you were trying to say. That's not so good. See, what makes this confusing is that you compare a sense with an object. Yes, ears listen and hear, but ear isn't really one of the five senses. It's like comparing pain, and a toe. Maybe you stubbed your toe, and that caused pain, but the two don't really make enough sens to compare them together. So, maybe you should simply try "If only I could taste WHAT I HEAR." See how that makes a little more sense? Now, it compares one of the five senses to another one of the senses. It makes a little more sense. Now, you're probably wondering "Well, I have 'To stomach down without feeling empty.' Why is that any different?" Well, I've always made a joke about the sad truth about the English language: it always has an exception, and the exception is this sentence. Okay, now let's look at the rest of the poem. Overall, you did a wonderful job. The comparisons of food and the senses are beautiful, and that's where I was really drawn into the poem, but the beginning is a great way to slowly pull the reader in. Honestly, by the end of this poem, I had a bit of a smile on my face. The only way I can describe the description is: sweet. It gave a sweet taste in my mouth.
All in all, it was a wonderful free-verse, it's a great start! Keep on writing!
Points: 846
Reviews: 42
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