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Young Writers Society



Powder Keg

by CassandraInvisible


I hear your voices through the wall at night
Nothing is secret in this house anymore
I hear the yelling and the sobbing
Walls are paper thin and can't protect me

You shook the house like reverberating thunder
I muffled my cries in my pillow
Wounds red and raw in the morning
What made you want to hurt one another?

Hateful glances, muttered vicious words
I want to ignore the truth but it's glaring me in the face
I'm too old now to take refuge behind
Fake smiles and happy lies

My home has become a powder keg
When did you run out of love?
What am I supposed to do
When it all bursts in to flames?


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878 Reviews


Points: 35199
Reviews: 878

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Wed May 07, 2008 12:16 pm
Demeter says...



You're very welcome. ;) And yeah, I know, it's difficult, I can't do that, either. :( Wow a lot commas in one sentence :)

Why do I have to finish every sentence with a smiley? :)




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17 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 17

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Wed May 07, 2008 7:28 am



I think I get what you're saying, the "show, don't tell" thing. I kind of thought that I'd do that with this poem, maybe because, being a personal issue, I couldn't put it into blunt words.

Thank you for the review, vicious is a cool word =D




User avatar
878 Reviews


Points: 35199
Reviews: 878

Donate
Tue May 06, 2008 1:54 pm
Demeter wrote a review...



This is a good example of the "show, don't tell" factor. It's hard to break, I know, but I think some other people would say it, too. I kind of liked this still, and it wouldn't be bad with some more stanzas.

The last stanza is my favourite! I liked it much and I like the powder keg thing.

And I have to say that vicious in one of my favourite words.

Best wishes from
Demeter





A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.
— Honore de Balzac