“Chad’s not up yet.”
I stepped inside the small foyer and mentally gawked at the number of bags on the floor as I faced my aunt, “Oh? When will he be up?”
Aunt Sarah shrugged, “Not sure. I don’t think he’d mind if you woke him up though. He’s been really excited about this weekend. No wild parties.”
“Tell that to Chad,” I countered. “I’m always good.”
She chuckled as Uncle David strode around the corner, wearing his jacket. “Every male seems to be a bit crazy, Calix,” she said.
"I might be a 'male' but I've got my female side you know? You can thank my sisters for that." I emphasized the sentence with a mischievous grin.
Aunt Sarah laughed again, picked up a couple of bags and carried them out to my parents’ Toyota van. Uncle David tousled my hair in farewell and took care of the rest of the luggage, staggering out the door. The door closed after that and I saw the lock turn, heard the click.
A mixture of excitement and nervousness began to boil in my belly. The house was Chad and mine for nine freaking days. And it was quite a beautiful house. Three stories of tastefully appointed furniture--dark wood paneling, artful carpets that belonged in a museum rather than on the white marble floors. Floor-to-ceiling windows encouraged the light to flood in, but it didn't illuminate every corner of the house. Which only added to my excitement. Perfect places for hiding and games and...
I glanced at myself in the mirror. Despite my glasses, I thought of myself as quite handsome. I had inherited my dad’s glossy, thick blond hair; my mom’s oval face, chocolate-colored eyes and a mouth that many people said would rival Brad Pitt’s.
I pulled off my bomber jacket and took great measures to try to hang it in the closet. My aunt treasured unique things and when she found something, she would somehow buy it for half its normal price.
My sigh when I was finally done seemed to echo in every nook, every corner that the gray morning light did not yet touch. Rain pounded the windows, barely visible against the cloud-heavy sky. I went through the kitchen—noticing with relief that pancake batter was next to the stove with a note from my uncle, inviting Chad and I to eat up. The cold wooden stairs creaked as I climbed them and finally my bare feet nestled in the carpeted hallway.
I headed for the door that was adorned with a Beyoncé poster on it from 2005. I opened the door quietly, smiling at Chad’s head protruding from the blankets covering his body.
Chad's room was strewn with clothes, the low black couch having a cushion of magazines. The king-size bed could hold three people, but instead was occupied by only my cousin. There were posters of Shakira, Justin Timberlake and others tacked to the walls. Looking at his bookshelf, you could find that he liked men's magazines, comic books and action books and men's erotica.
I entered the bedroom, closing the door, dancing between the clothes to get to his bed. Sitting down on the plain blue covers next to a body part that strongly seemed to resemble his butt, my hand reached out, snaked under the covers to grip Chad’s shoulder.
A groan resounded in my ears and Chad shifted, his face now towards me, his chocolate-colored eyes open to only a slit. His full lips curved in a sleepy smile when he saw his visitor.
“They gone?” he asked, his voice almost a mumble. I nodded. Chad smiled at me. I suddenly realized my hand was still on his shoulder and, blushing, I took it off.
“C’mere, kid.” Chad scooted over to the middle and held the covers open. “Seems like a good day to stay in bed,”
"What will your parents think?" I asked.
Chad shrugged, "They're leaving, don't worry."
Hesitantly, I slid underneath the covers. Instinctively, I burrowed under the blankets, asking Chad, "You are clothed, right?"
He only laughed, pulling me against his chest. I smiled, both at the look on my parents' faces if they saw me and my cousin like this and at the carefree expression on my cousin’s face. But I found it hard to shiver as my arms brushed his chest, his breath hitting my ear. My heartbeat raced and I glanced nervously at the door, my fears dissolving as I heard the hum of a car start up then began getting fainter.
“Says the person who’s fully clothed,” Chad teased. “What do you want to do today?”
“Uncle Dave left us some pancake batter,” I told him. “We can make pancakes.”
“And then?”
I shrugged.
Chad's breath hit my ear again, “Lemme pull on a shirt.”
I reached for a shirt on the floor and tossed it to him. He pulled it on, “Thanks, Calix.”
“No problem,” I replied as we headed downstairs. “My bag’s on the kitchen counter. Where should I sleep?”
“My bedroom,”
I paused on the very last step. Chad entered the kitchen and then seeing me frozen, stood in the kitchen doorway, “What’s up?”
“There are some people that wouldn’t approve of that,” I muttered.
"Of what?"
"Of us...the same sex, in the same bed..."
“Those people aren’t here, Calix. But if you feel uncomfortable…”
“I don’t,” I nearly shouted. Chad smiled, “Then we don’t have a problem.”
We cooked the pancakes, the smell of chocolate-chip, blackberry and plain pancakes filling the air. Soon we sat down at the sunlit breakfast bar and begun to plan our day.
"I wanna take you out for a drive. Did you see my new car?" Chad was referring to the sleek Ferrari I had drooled over when I had arrived.
"I did," I replied. "It's fantastic. What can we do tonight?"
"I got The Holiday to watch. But, if you want to watch another--"
"No, no," I interrupted. "The Holiday seems good."
"Good..."
There was a silence broken only by our forks clinking against the plates as we finished the last of our breakfast.
“And then?” I asked.
“Er, go to bed," Chad said quickly.
I raised my eyebrows, smiling, “You’re a really bad liar, Chad. What do you have planned?”
He only shrugged, blushing all the while.
Ooh that was really good. It definitely pulled me in and made me want to keep reading. Chad is a rather static character and he seems like you were trying to make him a main character so you might want to elaborate on him a bit. Other than that, great job. Can't wait to read more!
~Jessey
Calix is a very interesting character. He seems fairly well developed, but Chad seems a bit mysterious. I'm very anxious to know about him. This is a oneshot, evidently, and I am not a huge fan of those. I like to see relationships grow and expand. That is just a matter of personal preference, though.
I don't see any typos, misspellings, or anything that would tick me off. Of course, this is quite rare in a piece of writing since I am extremely picky when it comes to stories.
I like how you just dove into the story, and let the reader figure things out along the way. However, I would like it if you described the settings more. I like knowing where the characters are... Plus I think Chad needs a deeper description, physically.
For a oneshot though, this is pretty good.
9/10
Well, it seems Overeasy has covered everything so it seems I'm out of a job...
On to chapter two! 
“Chad’s not up yet.”
I stepped inside the small foyer and mentally gawked at the number of bags on the floor as I faced my aunt, “Oh? When will he be up?”
Aunt Sarah shrugged, “Not sure. I don’t think he’d mind if you woke him up though. He’s been really excited about this weekend. No wild parties.”
“Tell that to Chad,” I countered. “I’m always good.”
Was the jacket bit really that important? It seemed to be just random information. Maybe have him pulling on his jacket, or have on arm stuck in the jacket... something to make it a little more interesting. Or you can just scratch it all together.She chuckled as Uncle David strode around the corner, wearing his jacket. “Every male seems to be a bit crazy, Calix,” she said.
I would say feminine here."I might be a 'male' but I've got my female side you know? You can thank my sisters for that." I emphasized the sentence with a mischievous grin.
This sounds a little odd, maybe rewording it could help. Reading it just sounds funny to me.Aunt Sarah laughed again, picked up a couple of bags and carried them out to my parents’ Toyota van.
I really like the emphasis on the click here, it shows how excited the MC really is, because he is fixating on unimportant little details.Uncle David tousled my hair in farewell and took care of the rest of the luggage, staggering out the door. The door closed after that and I saw the lock turn, heard the click.
This is very good description, I can see exactly what you are talking about.A mixture of excitement and nervousness began to boil in my belly. The house was Chad and mine for nine freaking days. And it was quite a beautiful house. Three stories of tastefully appointed furniture--dark wood paneling, artful carpets that belonged in a museum rather than on the white marble floors. Floor-to-ceiling windows encouraged the light to flood in, but it didn't illuminate every corner of the house. Which only added to my excitement. Perfect places for hiding and games and...
Again good description. I can see him now.I glanced at myself in the mirror. Despite my glasses, I thought of myself as quite handsome. I had inherited my dad’s glossy, thick blond hair; my mom’s oval face, chocolate-colored eyes and a mouth that many people said would rival Brad Pitt’s.
The last bit again seemed a little bit unimportant. Just kind of thrown in.I pulled off my bomber jacket and took great measures to try to hang it in the closet. My aunt treasured unique things and when she found something, she would somehow buy it for half its normal price.
This also seemed a bit off, who is this Alex? How does he fit in at all? I know you are probably going to tell us later. Also before you said his hand on his shoulder made him blush, but now he is brazen enough to climb under the covers with him. It certainly seems a bit out of character from the blushing boy before.An image of my devout friend, Alex Gardner, popped in my head. But I pushed it away, getting under the covers.
You need a line break here.“I don’t,” I nearly shouted. Chad smiled, “Then we don’t have a problem.”
This was really good, you have a great storyline. I'm off to the next chapter.
Oh!!!! I love it already. Great job Ross! The perfect start at a chapter you left the reader hanging on the edge great job. I'm not going to point out the errors I saw because it's completely useless because everyone who has already reviewed has pointed them out. I'm more focused on the dialogue it felt like I was actually there.
At first I was very pessimistic about the beginning I wasn't sure where you were going with this. But I'm pretty sure your headed about the right direction. You talked to me about this in chat and I wanted to check it out. Turns out you were right this is pretty good. Keep working hope to hear more!
your friend
-Max
Hello! Here's the critique I promised. ;P
Just a warning: this is really long. Feel free to completely ignore me - I can be harsh. 
The numbers next to the highlighted text correspond with the 'highlighted comments' below. Also, to save space, I put the pages side by side. One and two go down the first column, three and four down the second.
If you can't read anything, PM me and I'll let you know what it says. (Also, I think you can click the picture to see a bigger version in a new window...)
Highlighted Comments
1. This bothers me a little. We hear a voice, but then don’t learn it’s owner for a while. I would show his aunt, and then the foyer.
2. Read this out loud – this sounds odd.
3. You need more descriptions here. This dialogue seems forced at the moment. What’s happening around them? Why are they saying this? What are they even talking about?
4. Where did he come from? Don’t let characters mysteriously appear – show us that there were others in the room off the bat.
5. Odd wording. Maybe ‘The door closed behind him [how?] and I saw the lock turn, heard the click as it slid into place.’
6. Feminine much? ;P Just don’t use too many info-dumps, and this should be fine, since it shows that he is rather feminine. But maybe cut back on the descriptive words a tiny bit? You use a lot. (Example: when you talk about the furniture in the last sentence.)
7. I’d ditch this sentence.
8. Um, annoying much? Pure info-dump. I don’t need any of this information, and I only skimmed through it. Let us know he’s attractive, but that’s it. I may think boils and greasy hair are handsome – let me! Let the reader interpret ‘handsome’ as they will – it will let us have a much stronger connection with the character.
9. Since when is light gray?
10. Change the structure: these both start with ‘I [action] door.’
11. Suggestion: ‘…and others on the walls.’
12. …What’s that? Try not to use too current names – it ages your writing. Say there are teen magazines – don’t name them specifically. (Unless needed.)
13. Define an age for him, please. (Through actions – don’t say it!)
14. Heehee, it’s usually the other way around!
15. New person talking = new paragraph.
16. Random? Show us a pause in between this and the last topic, where they stand quietly, so the sudden change of topic isn’t as sudden.
17. Ellipses mean they trailed off, not that they spoke quickly. Rework your punctuation.
Overall Comments
Description
I think you listened to the other critiques a little too much. ;P You went into several info-dumps (that I pointed out) that were completely unnecessary. With Romance writing, you do need more information than other genres – descriptions to set the atmosphere, descriptions of looks (to a point.) But I don’t want an entire paragraph hearing what some guy looks like.
To make description more interesting, you need to add action to it. Does the MC (you didn’t name him yet, did you?) trip over an action figure on the ground? Does the poster on the door fall down a bit when he knocks? We still learn about what’s going on around them, but we’re not stopped in the middle of action to learn what a door looks like.
Dialogue
Most of your dialogue sounded natural (just that one part about ‘be good’ that sounded odd.) That’s really good – it’s hard to do – but it’s not enough. What are they doing as they speak? No one drops everything to have a conversation.
Are they nervous? Then show them fidgeting. Dialogue is the perfect opportunity to slip in little habits, and we can learn a lot about your characters.
And remember whom they are talking to. Your MC won’t talk the same with his aunt as he does with Chad. That’s good, though. Does his aunt know he’s gay? Is she uncomfortable with it? Show that in her dialogue and actions. Is Chad the type of guy that’s really forward, or will he wait for your MC to do something? You told us, but you didn’t show throw actions.
Emotions
Your characters seem a bit bland, to be perfectly honest. The MC crawls under the blankets, but that’s it. He crawls under them. We don’t get to feel the shudder when he accidentally brushes against Chad’s skin, the warmth he feels when Chad’s arms are around him.
He’s going through something hard here – falling in love (or will it just be lust?) We need to feel everything. You can’t just tell us they fell in love. You need to make it so they have no choice but to fall in love! We need to get closer to your MC, feel his heart beating, his insecurities. We have to see him glancing at the unlocked door, then forgetting it when Chad pulls him closer. It needs to be natural when they fall in love.
Forced?
Chad and your MC’s personalities and actions seem rather forced. Saying they want to go back to bed after making pancakes? Hurriedly saying they don’t have a problem with being in the same bed?
All of this is possible to do, but right now there’s no reason for it. You want them to be in a bed together (who wouldn’t? It’s easy to add romance that way,) so you tell them to. You have to have them do it because they’re supposed to.
History
In all, I didn’t enjoy this piece too much. It’s so sudden! We need background information. You don’t just start a romance with two characters acting like this. You need to build it up.
Does their family know they’re gay? Does Chad know the MC has a crush on him? Have they done anything together before? All of this needs to be shown.
Maybe start a little earlier, when the others are still around. His other cousins might call them ‘fags.’ The parents may attempt to keep them away from each other, or walk by the open door every five minutes, trying to be discreet about looking in but failing miserably.
How do they act with each other? Do they know how the other feels? Let them have romantic tension. Give them a background, and let us conscious of it.
Sensitive Subject
First, I have nothing against gays at all. (Incest is…odd, but I’ll just forget I think that.) But you need to remember that this is a very sensitive subject. You can’t just let them fall madly in love with each other at one glance. (Actually, you shouldn’t do that for straight romances, either, but you can get away with it there.) You need to introduce this to us slowly. Make them seem perfect for each other. Let it be so natural that these characters have no choice but to get together. If you do that, people will just accept it, because these characters will have to be together. If you can pull that off, this piece will be amazing.
By the way, this also applies to straight romances. With gay and incest, you just need even more subtle, or it will really surprise a lot of readers. You can pull off making two people fall in love when they're opposite sexes, but they need to have more reason to fall in love when they're the same sex. (Of course, if they straight people have reason, it will make your writing much better.)
Last Notes
Happy I’m done? ;P I’m sorry – I rambled a lot. This piece has potential (I ramble the most on pieces that do,) and you definitely know how to take advice and use it. (Just a little too much. ;P) If you just slow down and take a step back, it’ll be great. Romance doesn’t start right away. Sure, these characters have a history, but we don’t know it yet. Show it to us through their dialogue. Maybe they have inside jokes? Maybe they don’t mind sitting extremely close? Little details will help you.
PM me if you have any questions, if you’d like another critique, or if you’re just bored. ;P
Good luck, and happy editing!
[/rambling]
~JFW1415
Very good, nice exciting piece of writing here.
=D
Again, I sensed true connection by some of the names and by the way you act.
Ahah, I guess I know you too well.
Here though:
"A mixture of excitement and nervousness begun to boil in my belly. The house was Chad and mine for nine freaking days."
I think you made a type?
What you want is something more like this:
"A mixture of excitement and nervousness began to boil in my belly. The house was mine and Chad's for nine freaking days."
I really loved this part:
"Aunt Sarah shrugged, “Not sure. I don’t think he’d mind if you woke him up though. He’s been really excited about this weekend. Be good.”
“I’ve been fifteen for half a year,” I countered. “I’m always good.”
She chuckled, “The males seem to be a bit crazy, Calix,”
"I might be a 'male' but I've got my female side you know? You can thank my sisters for that." I emphasized the sentence with a mischievous grin. "
And I also loved the paragraph in which you describe yourself. It's so sincere and sweet and lets me get to know you as a writer and person even more! 
<3
This writing is really awesome and makes me wonder though..
about you.
:S
Brings a bit of confusion up.
You're super cool and an amazingly talented young writer as this piece clearly shows.
You are <i>much</i> better than me.
And you're only about a year older.
I think that everything about this piece is great!
Good job. Keep writing!
8.5/10
This is interesting. I think there could be more description and atmosphere but the characters are well defined (not so much the aunt and uncle though) and the plot is well thought out so far. Here's a few suggestions:
“Chad’s not up yet,” [I think a full stop rather than a comma at the end of this piece of dialogue.]
“I might be the male gender,” I replied. “But I’m like a girl. Comes with growing up with three sisters.” [This is awkward! And it feels like it's there for the reader's sake. I'd suggest: "I might be a 'male' but I've got my female side you know? You can thank my sisters for that." And maybe add a little more too. Is he the type to wink after this or smile at her? Give your reader more of a hint of their relationship.]
Uncle David tousled my hair [s]as[/s] in farewell and took care of the rest of the luggage, staggering out the door.
The house [s]was[/s] belonged to Chad and [s]mine[/s] I for one entire week, not including tomorrow and Sunday [This is awkward. Do you mean nine days? If so say it! Say the amount of days rather than a week not including these days. Think simple.]
Breakfast was spent in our planning the day. If it wasn’t raining, we would go in Chad’s car and meander around until late afternoon with a lunch stop. We would stop on Sahara Pizza on the way home and have dinner then watch one of our favorite romantic comedies. [This is all telling rather than showing. It wouldn't take you many lines of dialogue to show them planning this and you'd be able to show their personalities more while doing so.]
__________________________________
My main criticism of this is your description. You have that one large block description of your main character but other than that, there's very little description of either character or setting. How does Chad look? What colour are his eyes? What shade is his skin, hair colour? And the rooms. Other than the Beyonce poster, you haven't said much. Is it covered in half dressed girls? Half dressed boys perhaps 
Or is the décor very outdated - how does it reflect his personality? Does he have spiderman bed-covers? No? Then tell us!
What sort of house is this? Small, cosy for two? Or quite large with beautiful, well-decorated rooms? How do the pancakes smell when they cook them, is the room flooded with light or is it quite dark? Atmosphere is essential, especially in romance writing.
Other than that, this was generally good and I can't wait to see you build the relationship and introduce Alex properly.
OH MY GOODNESS i love your story couldn't find any typos so yeah please keep me posted on your story
Good job! I couldn't find any typos. Though some of it was confusing. Was Calix going to Chad's house? And i'm not really clear on whether the house was chad's or the uncle and aunt's. Where are the uncle and aunt going? Fix those then i think the rest will be fine!
Alex
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