I'm jealous of your title because it would be perfect for a piece of mine...damn you....
...but yes. Its great writing. So I guess I can't stay mad.
The middle of two worlds lies in slumber now,
But If my mind was to wander, which it eventually does-
I find myself amongst those September days, waiting.
Waiting for you to come, for the anticipation to ascend into
little more than a sigh or a promise, soaking in the tangy taste of
salt lips and suspicious clear skies…of a snatch at the slipping sand of
what I like to call childhood. And what you call a day.
But you don’t see the world like I do, a jumble of excitement and-
half hearted disappointment, tied together by an endless search for inspiration,
A need to relate to something, a shadow, anything.
You see the world through an empty, poisonous grin.
For things, even your troubles come and go easily,
You wave at them whilst they fly past.
And I am left to stumble in your jelly sandal wake,
Yet I need you more than I admit.
To lead the way through the clouds, and to show
Me that place. Our place where we’ll met tomorrow.
And you’ll show me your world all over again,
And shade my face with your hand,
From the scorching sun of my own.
I'm jealous of your title because it would be perfect for a piece of mine...damn you....
...but yes. Its great writing. So I guess I can't stay mad.
The inspiration for this is my best friend. She keeps me from going insane, and our days togther are usually in the summer time- when I try to get away from writing because it drives me crazy.
Thanks very much for the comments,
Eimear
Very good it flowed and was beautiful. One of the few poems I've seen so far to actually have a good word choice and flow with depth and not whine or lament about romance in a bland way. Was good and the imagery was nice.
Have a gold star! *stick*
I think it would flow better without the “which it eventually does”. It seems a little out of place to me.The middle of two worlds lies in slumber now,
But If my mind was to wander, which it eventually does-
I find myself amongst those September days, waiting.
I loved that line.of a snatch at the slipping sand of
what I like to call childhood. And what you call a day.
Wow. Awesome use of language.And you’ll show me your world all over again,
And shade my face with your hand,
From the scorching sun of my own.
Interesting images and ideas. I thought it was well written and you obviously put thought and effort into each word. I really liked it, but I'm curious to know what inspired it for you. Great work! ~LM
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