Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one was slightly weird and I did not quite understand the message that was behind it. It just didn't quite manage to speak to me and tell me anything. Other than that this was a pretty cool little story to read. I really liked the flow of it, it had some nice punchy moments but it also had a smooth flow where it was necessary to have one.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Liberty sat on the edge of his bed and looked up at him, nervously.
Interesting way to start a story there....kinda of generic...nothing to quite get attention but nothing to be too bland either.
She scooted awkwardly to the side nearest the wall and slid her legs beneath the covers. Luke did the same, careful not to touch her in any way—it was her nervousness that was making him nervous. Normally, he wouldn't have considered her nightgown or the way her limbs made tiny pillars below the blankets. In the strange way his life usually turned out, however, what was worst was exactly what happened.
Well that's a pretty creative way to get that description across. Its done pretty nicely.
Luke turned on his side, away from her. He could still feel the warmth emanating from her frame, creating a halo of heat he didn't think humanly possible. She turned the pages slowly, carefully, sometimes sighing as she read something particularly troubling or—Luke didn't want to consider this—particularly romantic.
The doorknob twisted.
Well that is definitely a pretty good rendition of how these sorts of scenes can sometimes play out. Pretty true to reality.
"Only your love and affection, darling." He climbed into bed between Liberty and the wall. "It's drafty in my room again. I swear. Six hundred dollars a month—you'd think they'd keep it toasty."
Well that definitely seems like a very valid concern there.
The doorknob twisted once more.
It was David.
Okay doorknob repetition. Kind of a mixed reaction for me there. On one hand its kind of nice literary symmetry but on another hand it feels odd.
Luke was about to scream when the doorknob twisted for the last time.
"Am I…what is going on?" Four pairs of eyes met Upton's.
Okay at that point it is repetitive. I can confirm that now.
The bed creaked with their combined weight.
Liberty closed her book and reached over Luke to pinch out the candle. All was quiet but for breath—something that Luke could appreciate immensely. It felt nice.
It felt like family.
Well that was a strange ending...the earlier bits did not at all seem to be leading to that sort of ending. I was definitely very surprised by it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it was a pretty fun, it slightly weird story to read. The ending at least seemed pretty sweet but there were a couple of phrases I thought were a bit weird. I didn't really highlight them because its my opinion but just letting you know.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100
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