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Young Writers Society



Everyone is FIRE.

by day tripper


My entry for the "On Fire" contest.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Just say it over and over again, all you want. But, you will never understand it.

"Fire is like a human." She would say.

"No, fire is God.", he would reply.

"Pyro!", she would respond, shooting him a glare.

The two friends stood in front of their mess, their creation, their masterpiece.

It seemed that at any moment, something would pop out of the 20 foot bonfire and take them in, like

something in an Avenged Sevenfold music video. The two just stood there in silence, surveying what

ever they could, trying to understand.

"What," The boy started, "What did you mean when you said 'fire was like a human'?"

The girl knelt in front of the fire, bringing her face closer and closer. The boy got nervous, he wanted to

take her away and tell her what a stupid idea it was to get that close. Then, she stood back up, a torch

in her hands.

"Look at this." She demanded. "It looks practically the same as that fire, but it's not. It's so different in

many ways. Like humans, we all have four limbs, a head, two eyes, a mouth, but we're not the same.

Fire is the exact same way. Amazing, isn't it?"

The boy thought about it, the flame was mingling and twisting. Shooting out little sparks. The fire

looked so angry. How could any human possibly be that angry?

"It's so fierce though, it's like its some beast that wants you to stand by its side as it sets your future

forever." He stood closer to the girl. Her eyes looked dead black. She was as hot as the fire itself,

"Aren't you too warm?" He asked, placing a hand to her burning cheek.

The girl just stared. After a few minutes, she turned to the fire and threw the torch inside. "Fire is a

demon when you really start to think about it. It could practically control you. You could go insane with

it. It demands such a thin line between living and dying. You could be so attracted to it and be able

to see this amazing piece, or else you could be too attracted to it and be suffocated into it's warmth,

dying."

"That was... deep." The boy rose an eyebrow. He went to the fire and placed his hands in front of it. She

was right, the fire did have some control over you. You could stare at it for hours and never understand it's

meaning. All that crackling and snapping, the turns and shooting of flames. It could make you so

frustrated, wanting to understand it.

"Fire can hate you." She went up next to him, grabbing his hand. "It could tare your life apart, killing you,

burning you, ruin your home and dreams. It can take people away from you if it really wants."

"You talk about fire as if it's some type of devil?" The boy looked down upon the petite girl.

"No, but, I believe that fire is someone. And he's spread across the world every time a fire

is made. He's at war with water, each battling to see who could take over the world more and more until

finally, it's engraved the world into it, either becoming a land of water, or another burning sun."

"Hey! What are you kids doing?" A voice called behind the two teenagers.

They turned around, scared. They took a step back, hand in hand, falling into the pit of fire. When it all

comes down to one explanation, no one would understand fire. Some say that fire holds souls in it, some

say fire is a thing. For these two teenagers, they will now know what fire really is. They can explore it all

they want, ask questions to the devil or god. Everyone will just have to wait for that one day to understand.

After that 20 foot fire was put out, fire fighters looked all over for the bodies, but nothing was found.

To this day, the two kids laugh. Laugh because no one will understand, no one will understand that they

are fire. That everyone is a piece of fire.


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287 Reviews


Points: 1650
Reviews: 287

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Sat Apr 05, 2008 8:56 pm
Maki-Chan wrote a review...



Well I personally think fire is somehting we will never fully understand. But some of your ideas about it was pretty deep, and I'd saw a lot closer than what I could saw. About the fire being human, I think that one makes the most sense.

It can create both life and death, just like a person can. But truly it doesn't really have a choice in what it does. Humans do. At least that's what I think.

Anyways I loved this, the word choice was very nice. But the only thing I have a little problem is the characters. Are they just random kids talking about fire, or are they more improtant than that? Just wondering.

I on the other hand don't really see any reading connection with the characters. Don't really care what happens to them, but then again this story is just about fire. Am i right?

I think you will do well in the contest. ^_^




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Sat Mar 29, 2008 9:35 pm
Sam wrote a review...



Hey, day tripper!

This was a really cool story--I wish you the best of luck in the contest! Your premise of doing something a little bit deeper and philosophical was a cool one, so I'm going to try to give you some tips to be able to pull it off. ^_^

The major way is to use natural sounding dialogue. This can be hard to do--very few people can do it, but when you're trying to get something a little deeper across, it's best for the reader. How do you do this? First, make a script.

"Fire is like a human." She would say.

"No, fire is God.", he would reply.

"Pyro!", she would respond, shooting him a glare.


GIRL: Fire is like a human.
BOY: No, fire is God.
GIRL: Pyro!

Read the parts aloud--I always tell people that you can go crazy with it. Act it out, use stupid voices for the different parts. Just read it with natural inflection, and see whether or not it sounds stiff.

Usually when something does sound a little stiff, it's because it's not natural. You can ease this by using little quirks that people have in speech.

GIRL: It's kind of like a human. Don't you think?
BOY: Fire is God.
GIRL: [laugh] You pyro!

This still doesn't sound like the best of conversations when you have it in script form, so you'll want to provide proper pause for effect with your tags and actions.

"it's kind of like a human, don't you think?"

He was staring into the flame, his eyes vacant and transfixed. "Fire is God."

She slapped his shoulder. "You pyro!"

See how it's a little more natural sounding? You got the same ideas you wanted to get across, across, and it's easy for the reader to read. So! If you're having problems with dialogue, take it out and put it into script form. It'll help you isolate the problem so you don't have to deal with everything all at once.

PM me if you have any questions or want me to take a look at something else. ^_^




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Sat Mar 29, 2008 5:53 pm
mizz-iceberg wrote a review...



Hello there! Great story you've got here. I hope you win the contest and you probably can, but there are a few things that I think you should fix before the deadline.


Lets start:
Oh and by the way. These are all just suggestions. You don't HAVE to change this if you don't want to.

Fire. Fire. Fire. [s]Just[/s] say it over and over again, all you want. But, you will never understand it.

get rid of the Just. It ruins the sentence and is not needed.

"Pyro!", she would respond, shooting him a glare.

change the underlined part to 'glaring at him'. It reads better than 'shooting him a glare' in this case.
Again these are all just suggestions.

"What," The boy started, "What did you mean when you said 'fire was like a human'?"


How about "What," The asked, breaking the silence, "Did you mean when you said fire was like a human?"

You repeated a 'What'. But then again maybe the boy said 'what' twice.

The boy got nervous, he wanted to
take her away and tell her what a stupid idea it was to get that close
.

Instead of 'take her away', try 'pull her back'

He wanted to pull her back and tell her what a stupid idea it was to get that close. Sound better?

It demands such a thin line between living and dying. You could be so attracted to it and be able
to see this amazing piece, or [s]else[/s] you could be too attracted to it and be suffocated into it's warmth,
dying."

take out 'else'. It is not needed and ruins the flow of the sentence.
She
was right, the fire did have [s]some[/s] control over you.

I can see why you put in 'some'. As the fire cannot completely control you. But we understand that. And the sentence would read better without the some.

You could stare at it for hours and never understand it's
meaning. All that crackling and snapping, the turns and shooting of flames. It could make you so
frustrated, wanting to understand it.

This is my favourite part in your story. Love the way you have described fire making you frustrated, wanting to understand it. Couldn't have put it in better words.

She went up next to him, grabbing his hand. "It could tare your life apart, killing you,
burning you, ruin your home and dreams.


Here 'tare' is supposed to be 'tear'.

For these two teenagers, they [s]will now[/s] know what fire really is.


The will now is pointless and makes no sense in the sentence. They will now know? Are they going to learn, or have already learned as we read this story. It is set in the past tense. Do you get what I mean?


Everyone [s]will just have[/s] to wait for that one day to understand.

Take out will just have and put in 'has'.

Everyone has to wait for that one day to understand.
OR how about
We all have to wait for that day for that one day to understand. ??

And by the way, this is a question just because I'm curious and a little confused. Could you please explain what that 'one day' is?

..... Yupp that's about it. Sorry if I was too harsh. Basically you have a lot of awkward wording in your story which ruins the rhythm and it doesn't read too well.
How about writing this story in poetry form? I think it would do very well! You have great descriptions of fire and excellent emotions that go along with it. The perfect imagery, mood. Yes the more I think about it it seems that your 'message' would be more fitting in poetry form. Try it and and see how it goes.
But it really is up to you.
Hope you do well in the contest.
if you have anymore questions, just PM me.
Best of luck,
-icy.





If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
— Woodrow Wilson