Young Writers Society

Well, since Alainna got all the grammar things out of the way, there isn't much for me to correct. I liked this, especially the ending, and I'm intrigued already as to what the Histories are. The first sentence about 'crystal teardrops' kind of made me gag. I don't think that fit there, really, even as a metaphor. I mean, I understand that she's sad, but it's kind of an annoying metaphor. That whole paragraph annoyed me as well because there were no pronouns at all, and it kind of made it seem jerky, because I didn't understand whose voice you were speaking in until the next paragraph. Maybe consider revising it. But I'm definitely intrigued and I want to read the next chapter.

First off, this was a very enjoyable piece and if you ever post anymore than feel free to pm me for a crit.

You started off excellently, but as the prologue continued it seemed to get a bit weaker. Perhaps try to strengthen the tone of the last six or so sentences so they match the beginning a bit more.

But today they would give life to a new dawn,

I knew my efforts were futile, yet stubbornly refused to give up.

Even when they had left, I had seen flickers of unknown emotions pass across their faces.

We are taught, at a young age, that everything happens for a reason. We may not know the reason at first, but in the end, all would become clear…

Ever so slowly, the light of the new day began to push its way over the horizon.