Hi Myrr--
I think the biggest issue with this is that there is no punctuation...the second one that there are no capitals (but punctuation is by far more important). Without the punctuation all this has to be said in one breath. Can you read it in one breath? I can't haha.
Consider this revision with punctuation:
Water is Life.
Mothers’ wombs are liquid havens
giving birth in a world of their own
like the oceans teeming with life
from the white caps of the waves
to the most unfathomable abyss.
Yet, danger lurks always near
for Neptune rules not the seas.
A watery monarch reigns over all
from the casual toss of the waves
to the colossal pressures of the deep.
Death walks closely with the unwary
gnashing teeth and spinning whirls
are oft the door to the final frontier--
an eternal liquid night.
Water is Death
Other than that I actually really liked the content! The diction was what pulled me in, I think....great word choice!
Happy Editing!
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