Young Writers Society

It's kinda creepy and uhhm emo-ish but you did a nice job in expressing your feelings! keep up the good work!

Great poem but some punctionuation errors here like in the first stanza

Broken glass,
Whisper your stories.
Melt the tears
Of cold, dead hearts.

If there was a comma on the first line then do the same with tnhe third. Nice use of details. Very complex which i like. Gothgirl01

Lil_Pau wrote:Alright, I'll tell you...
This poem is actually a reference to World War II (Hitler era)...sorry if it was not that clear, maybe I need more 'training'.

Broken glass... so creepy, but you make it so deep!
I love who you worded this entire poem. You stick with your subject and make it more meaningful with every stanza. I love this poem, and I really hope you kee writing. I have to say, this poem is better than most I have ever read.

KEEP WRITIN'!

Broken glass,
Whisper your stories.
Melt the tears
Of cold, dead hearts.

Broken glass
Litter the night sky.
Hands of crying souls
Battering onto doors
Guarded by Death.

Broken glass,
Killing all hopes of the spirit.
Swimming in a pool of demons,
Virtues are caged
By the sound of crumbling rubble.

Broken glass,
Leave your remains on the seashore.
Soon it'll be washed away
By the raging waves
Of truth.

Broken glass,
The moon erodes away as you shriek.
When the sun wakes,
The damage has already been
Stained on souls
Pouring their shattered words.

Pretty much what colleen said, she pretty much knows what she is talking about. Still, it was fairly good, just needs a little reworking. I won't go on about the same things that have already been said

Alright, I'll tell you...
This poem is actually a reference to World War II (Hitler era)...sorry if it was not that clear, maybe I need more 'training'.
Ooops!

Anyhow...thanx for reviewing ev'ryone!

I just want to know the meaning..anyone...

Echo to Colleen up there. ^_~

Seriously, listen to her. She knows what she's talking about - and I agree with absolutely everything that she said.

However, this isn't all bad. It flows very well, although it was ... depressing. I did like some stanza, such as:

Broken glass,
The moon erodes away as you shriek.
When the sun wakes,
The damage has already been
Stained on souls
Pouring their shattered words.

Broken glass
Litter the night sky.
Hands of crying souls
Battering onto doors
Guarded by Death.

*labels with the big red EMO stamp*

Originality. It's okay to write about death and despair and whatnot, but you've got to do it in a way that's new and refreshing. This seems like stuff I've read before...it's not all that new, know what I mean?

Repetition. Beginning each stanza with "Broken Glass" didn't really help your poem; it probably hurt it more than anything. If you're going to repeat something over and over again, it should at least be interesting.

Imagery. One of the poem's biggest problems is that its imagery isn't attractive to a reader. You want your reader to see, hear, touch, taste, even smell the poem. And to do that you have to show, not tell, and use more concrete images--things that you can visualize.

Virtues are caged
By the sound of crumbling rubble.

Um, creepy. You had a difinite voice, and I liked that. Your poem seemed to skip around, though, from death to truth to destruction (the end of truth?). Try to make the meaning come through.