z

Young Writers Society



Art Rivalry Pt. 3

by chayonz


Pt. 3

He led me outside. It was cold and I could see my breath in the air. The noise from the pub was blocked out by the shut door. All I could hear were the sound of cars and night air, along with his shuffling feet.

He stood there with his hands in his pockets while rocking back and forth on his heels. He wasn’t looking at me. I crossed my arms and stood apart from him; watching him from the corner of my eye. He was wearing a loose navy jacket along with jeans. It was the same clothes he had worn the last time I saw him in the art room. I still hadn’t forgiven him for what he had done and that emotion was seconded by the feeling which resided in the pit of my stomach. I glared at him and tapped my feet impatiently.

Why did he call me out here anyway?

“What do you want?” I called out coldly. He looked back at me and sighed before turning back to face the parking lot.

“Nothing.” He breathed.

“What?” I cried out disbelievingly.

“Nothing.” He repeated.

“Yeah I heard you the first time,” I said. “Is that really why?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged. What? I couldn’t believe it. He dragged me all the way out here into the cold just so he could… do nothing? Bastard. I let my arms fall to my side and turned back. I stomped to the door and opened it, a rush of warm air washing over my body, but in that instant a hand grabbed my arm.

I looked down at the hand and then looked up at the face. His light grey eyes looked more luminescent than usual. It must be because its night. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen him at night, well, lately.

“What?” I said sharply, dragging my concentration from his eyes to his face. He pulled me from the door and shut it. I fought him every step of the way.

“Just stay out here for a bit more.” He said when we were both standing on firm ground.

“Why?” I cried out. “What do you want me here for? You’re not even talking to me, so there must be no reason for me to be here.” Perhaps to satisfy his lust of torture, I thought.

“Well, I’ll tell you, but as long as you stand still.” He muttered. I looked down at my arm where his hand still was, and as soon as I did, he swiftly took it away and shoved it into his pockets. I looked up at him. Was that embarrassment on his face? I thought with surprise. Ron Florings is never embarrassed. He thinks he owns the world for all he cares.

“Fine.” I said. “Tell me your oh-so-important reason for keeping me out here in the cold, when I could be inside; warm and relaxing with a nice beer.” He looked at me and I could tell he was amused. “Go on. Tell me.” I said, ignoring the look on his face.

“Seth is having a talk with Amber.” He said without hesitating. “He wanted to be alone with her.” Seth and Amber?! I screamed inwardly. Wait. He didn’t say whether Seth liked Amber. He only said that he wanted to be alone with her.

“Why does Seth want to be alone with Amber?” I asked suspiciously, taking another step forward.

“He didn’t tell me.” Ron said, looking distractedly at his feet.

“Oh come on.” I scoffed. “You have to know.”

Ron turned towards me and looked me square in the eye. “I. Don’t. Know.” he said firmly.

“Riiiiighhht.” I said rolling my eyes. Ron narrowed his eyes. After a few seconds of silence I asked him. “He likes her, doesn’t he.” It was more like a statement than a question. He looked at me as if sizing me up, but instead of answering, he just walked away to the edge of the sidewalk.

“Fine. Maybe he does.” he said, not looking at me.

“Are you serious?” I cried out excitedly. Unconsciously I took a step towards him. “Oh my God. This was like her dream! She’s been fantasizing about Seth for ages now!” Suddenly I clapped my hand over my mouth. Did I just say that out loud? Oh shit. He looked at me and I could tell that he was highly amused now. I took a step back. And to Ron Florings?! Shit shit shit shit. How could you be such an idiot Jenny?

“I learn something new everyday.” He laughed.

“Ron, no please. Please don’t tell Seth or anyone else, that I just told you that. Amber will kill me.” I groaned, I couldn't believe I was begging to...him! Ugh. He laughed menacingly. I hated him so much at that moment.

He shrugged and yawned. I glared at him and went and slumped against the building wall. Damn it. My own stupid mistakes are ruining my life. I ran my hand over my face. As long as Ron doesn’t open his mouth I’ll be fine. If he does… well then I’d better be ready to make up a good excuse to Amber.

I looked up at Ron. He was still facing the street. Suddenly I realized that this was the first civilized conversation we had had in a long time. This was also the first time I got a decent look at him.

He had changed much since eighth grade. He got taller, and was much more built than before; he used to be thin and pale. I couldn’t see his face from here, but I knew his looks had changed, and I had to say, as much as I hated it. He wasn’t all that bad looking either. He had the stereotypical model look; straight eyebrows, square-ish jaw, thin lips. And no, by thinking this, it did not mean that I was at all attracted to him in anyway.

I had a boyfriend after all and I loved him like hell. And he would kill Ron if he so much as saw him looking my way.

And then to my surprise, here he came, driving into the parking lot.


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User avatar
389 Reviews


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Mon Jan 21, 2008 6:04 am
SeraphTree says...



OH... I see. XD Wow........... :D




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Sun Jan 20, 2008 2:11 pm
chayonz says...



OH and btw. To claify what you said:
----------------------------------------------
Wait. He didn’t say whether Seth liked Amber. He only said that he wanted to be alone with her.

Eh? How does she know this?
----------------------------------------------


Ron only said," Seth wanted to be alone with Amber." he didn't say whether Seth liked Amber. So thats what Jenny was thinking because she had jumped to conclusions thinking that Seth liked Jenny, but then she rethought it.

Does that clarify at all??

hope it does! :D

Byee




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Sun Jan 20, 2008 1:27 pm
chayonz says...



Hey thanks Seraph!

lol. Don't worry no body is gna die. XD haha.

I'll post the next one as soon as I write it.

And dun worry bout bein lazy. haha. Im like the laziest person alive.. LOL

byee!




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Sat Jan 19, 2008 8:52 pm
SeraphTree says...



Whoa, sorry about that. *smacks myself for being lazy*
Anyway... :D

What?” I cried out disbelievingly.

'Cried out' sounds a bit over done.

I stomped to the door and opened it, a rush of warm air washing over my body, but in that instant a hand grabbed my arm.


DING DING! Stay away from the word 'stomp.' It makes her sound like a three year old. "Stormed away" would work better. :D

“Why?” I cried out. “What do you want me here for? You’re not even talking to me, so there must be no reason for me to be here.”

Again, 'cried out.' I imagine her snapping more, personally. :D

Wait. He didn’t say whether Seth liked Amber. He only said that he wanted to be alone with her.

Eh? How does she know this?

After a few seconds of silence I asked him. “He likes her, doesn’t he.” It was more like a statement than a question.

The two sentences before the dialogue are a bit contradictory. :D

I glared at him and went and slumped against the building wall

I suggest you reword this :D
This next paragraph I am going to do line by line. :D

He had changed much since eighth grade. He got taller, and was much more built than before; he used to be thin and pale

This sounds a little awkward. I suggest you reword, i.e. "I thought he would be the same whiny snot nosed kid I had first met, but..." etc. ;)

I couldn’t see his face from here, but I knew his looks had changed, and I had to say, as much as I hated it, he wasn’t all that bad looking either.

This needs to be broken up. :D

He had the stereotypical model look; straight eyebrows, square-ish jaw, thin lips.

Man what a lighter. ;)
Hm, this seems a bit out of character for her. I imagine her thinking "!@#$ his good looks," or something to that extent. I suggest her description of him be a little later. Like... say... when she's had a few drinks. XD

And no, by thinking this, it did not mean that I was at all attracted to him in anyway

HAHAHA!!!! This^^^^^^^ is great!!!!!!!! I actually know people like this. :D:D:D:D

I had a boyfriend after all and I loved him like hell. And he would kill Ron if he so much as saw him looking my way.

And then to my surprise, here he came, driving into the parking lot.


BOMBOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ooh, things are going to get ugly. :smt084
Just........ please don't kill anyone. :smt105
:D:D:D:D:D




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Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:54 am
chayonz says...



Alright no problem!




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389 Reviews


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Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:11 am
SeraphTree wrote a review...



I will crit this. :D It's just that... it's really late up here. :(
:D:D:D





"There is nothing to fear from someone who shouts."
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart