Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This was a rather sweet story. I cannot remember the last time I have read something so simple, written for the sake of enjoyment and storytelling alone.
When Joe saw the paw, he was very terrified. So he dashed behind the nearest tree and poked his head around to see if the bear was dead or if he had missed it.
Our main character has been painted as a rather sweet and adorable child. There is an inherent goodness in him that is very obvious from the very beginning of the story. I loved the way you have captured his innocence - the way he simply dived to save the cub without thinking about the consequences shows how truly good he is. He is kind and friendly and there is this naivity about him that makes him an all the more appealing character.
But he did not get much bigger than on the day he was found Joe and Teeny-Wee spent sad and happy times together. Joe will never forget that day in the woods.
While I appreciate the fact that you got into details while describing how Joe saved the cub, I think you could have shed some light on the development of their friendship as well. After all, that is the central theme of the story, isn' it? The friendship between Joe and the cub. We know that they developed a rather deeper bond, but we never really got to see it for ourselves. I think that is something to think about.
Now,you really need to break this piece into shorter paragraphs. Right now, this is just two big blocks of text. Long paragraphs like these often scare away readers before they even get into the main story. Besides, it also makes it a little difficult to follow the text because of all the cramping of the sentences. You don't want that to be happeing.
Keep writing and have a great day!
Points: 82352
Reviews: 659
Donate