Hello hello!
Ranger here to leave a quick review if you don’t mind!
Right off the bat I would like to say I greatly enjoyed reading this! I love the tone of the piece as a whole and how it transitions from a dreary sort of landscape to an amusing scene where the goblins try to figure out what the gem does.
I did notice a couple things that could be improved upon and so here are my critiques from what I noticed throughout the story:
he plopped the big gem onto the ground and spoke what humans would consider gibberish but in goblin tongue ment "I found this big, gem like rock".
The first thing I noticed here was a potential typo on the word “ment.” The word is usually spelled as meant so just wanted to point that out.
There are two other things that I noticed throughout the script as well.
One was the lack of punctuation between dialogue and descriptions. Often there is typically a period, comma, exclamation point, ect. in the spot right after the last word of the description right before the dialogue.
The last thing I found in this bit alone and throughout the text as well is the punctuation at the very end of the dialogue. Most of the time that punctuation goes inside the quotation marks, even if it’s ending the sentence AND dialogue.
All of these things are just simple mistakes that we all make sometimes and can be easily fixed, I just thought I would point them out.
Moving on, I absolutely love all of the description you used! I could visualize the scenes as I was reading the story, the look of the marsh, all of the goblins huddled around the gem, and more! Along the same lines of description I greatly enjoyed how you progressively described Gwanshin and didn’t even mention his name until about the middle of the story. I felt like that really helped me visualize him as a character instead of just making a mental connection to his name.
Like I said before I also really love the tone. To me it read out like a fairytale and was very pleasant.
Last but certainly not least I would like to mention the ending. It was very unexpected from the beginning and gave the piece a humorous aspect. I loved it!
In conclusion I had a great time reading this piece and I look forward to reading more like it!
Thanks for coming along with me on this review and I hope you have a great day!
Bye for now!
-Ranger
Points: 1500
Reviews: 6
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