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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

Siren’s Desire-Part Six

by vampricone6783


*This is part six of my series “Siren’s Desire”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. If you want to check out the other parts of this series, go look underneath my folder titled “Siren’s Desire”. Enjoy!*

What was in front of them at first appeared to be a small, pulsing pink ball, but then, it grew into a pocket-sized orange piglet with slightly darker orange spots. It floated perfectly above the water and seemed to smile at the adolescents.

“Hiya, Lorelei and Israfel! I’m Cutesy Pig, Lorelei’s familiar, and I’ll help you for the next Winston girls you have to find!” The pig said cheerily.

Lorelei furrowed her brows. She had seen many strange things since joining Israfel on his quest to free the Winston girls, but never something so cartoonish and childlike as Cutesy Pig.

Before she could say a word, though, a rose pink explosion pulled Lorelei and Israfel into the depths of the ocean.

For the very first time in years, the poised, elegant, demonically delicate siren boy screamed.

………………………………………………………

After all was cleared, Israfel and Lorelei found themselves in an underwater palace, decorated with the fallen gems of sunken ships. Cutesy Pig floated happily in front of them, not a care in the world.

Lorelei thought back to what Cutesy Pig called himself, puzzling over it.

“You said that you were my familiar, right? But only witches have familiars. I’m not a witch.” Lorelei said. She knew herself well, she wasn’t going to trust a random picture book illustration animal.

Cutesy Pig giggled sweetly, as though she had told a particularly humorous joke, before saying:

“You are a witch, Lorelei! It’s in your blood! How do you think you saw the last moments of Magdalena? How do you think you were able to find Brandy at the island? Your witch powers helped you. Isadora and Elvira had them, but it stopped for the rest of the generation…until you came along. You’re the right one to stop this madness and it is only right that I do something for you in return.”

So the reason she saw Magdalena’s death in crystal clear colors and just knew where Brandy’s skeleton was all had to do with being a witch?

It was a foreign idea, but it made perfect sense to Lorelei.

“You’re all so focused on finding the five Winston girls, yes? That’s the only thing you’re thinking about? You’ve probably forgotten how dire the situation really is.” Cutesy Pig said solemnly.

Israfel had a flicker of sorrow and regret in his eyes. Lorelei tried to hold his hand, but he pulled away.

“Allow me to show you.” Cutesy Pig said.

A cotton-candy colored cloud grew from Cutesy Pig’s clove and showed a reflection of Lorelei’s town, Moon’s Beach, on a cloudy day.

It zoomed right into the town’s beach. Her little brother, Tristan, dressed in a gray hoodie, black jeans, white socks, and dirtied brown sneakers stood on the sand, calling out Lorelei’s name. His voice was faltering, his eyes full of tears.

The ocean’s waves rushed past the line of sand and crashed into Tristan’s body. He was floating lifelessly in the water for a moment, but then, the waves went back into their respected area and left the soaking, shivering Tristan at the beach.

The cloud disappeared back into Cutesy Pig’s clove. Neither Lorelei nor Israfel could speak. Tristan had almost been drowned. He had almost been taken by the void of nature.

“If you don’t find the bodies of Elvira and Isadora in time, the whole world will flood. Not just Moon’s Beach, the whole world. You need to remember that no matter what, you’re human. You can’t let the trials of what has happened consume you, or else you will never break the curse.” Cutesy Pig said.

Israfel, however, had burning doubt written on his face.

“But I’m already a siren! I’m an immortal sea creature, I can’t-“

“Yes, you can, Israfel. You care. I know that you do. Just think of those who loved you in life and those who loved you now.”

“But-“

“No ifs, ands, or buts. It’s done. I need to send you back.” Cutesy Pig said.

He turned his attention to Lorelei, who still thought of Tristan at the brink of unforgivable, uncaring death.

“While Tristan doesn’t know of the magic out there and is by no means a witch, he is your sibling. He has a faint glimmer of where you are, but no idea. He misses you every day, but you will see each other again, don’t worry.” Cutesy Pig said.

Lorelei wanted to believe that his words were true, but with time ticking on, it was getting difficult to do so.

“Now, let’s change that outfit! I’ve had many forms that have benefited me over the years, but that nightgown will not do to protect you from the magic of your ancestors.” Cutesy Pig said.

“My ancestors?! Isadora and Elvira will try to fight us? But we’re trying to help them!” Lorelei argued.

They already had dealt with enough, couldn’t they catch a break?

“They don’t see it that way, trust me.” Cutesy Pig said.

She never met them before, but it hurt Lorelei to think that her own ancestors would try to attack her. They were related, why couldn’t they be friends?

“But let’s not think about that, shall we? Let’s just focus on your outfit!” Cutesy Pig beamed.

Pink smoke criss-crossed around Lorelei’s nightgown, transforming it into a seaweed and kelp suit of armor, interwoven by lost treasures and trinkets, but strangely light as a feather.

“It’s a suit of my own design. I thought that you would like it.” Cutesy Pig said a tad smugly.

“It’s beautiful, but-“

“No more questions! Journey on!” Cutesy Pig declared.

Yet again, Israfel and Lorelei were caught in a swirl of pink and yet again, Israfel screamed.

………………………………………………………

The pink smoke surfaced them to the ocean, but they weren’t in the same place as before. They were in front of a vast, dark, deep cave, bigger and more empty than Israfel’s own.

“This must be where Isadora and Elvira are.” Lorelei said.

Israfel nodded.

“Well, let’s go in!” Lorelei said, swimming towards the cave. There was no use in suffocating with terror, work had to be done for the greater good.

Israfel grabbed her left wrist, stopping her from going any further.

“You should go by yourself, I’ll only try to eat you again.” Israfel said.

“Go by myself? Against two experienced witches? Key word: experienced. Look, Israfel, don’t blame yourself for what happened earlier. The important thing is that you didn’t eat me. You want to get rid of this curse. You want to save the world. You screamed when Cutesy Pig was teleporting us. Actually screamed. If that’s not human, then I don’t know what is.” Lorelei said.

Thoughts spiraled inside of him, she could see it in his murky, swamp green eyes.

He contemplated for a moment, then let go of her wrist.

“Alright, I’m coming with you.” He said.

With that, they swam to danger and possibility.


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Fri Mar 29, 2024 10:23 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello again! Back for another review!

This line here got a good laugh out of me:

For the very first time in years, the poised, elegant, demonically delicate siren boy screamed.


I'm very glad we got an explanation for why Lorelei could witness the deaths of the other girls. It's also great that we, (alongside Lorelei) got a reminder for 'what's at stake.' Her brother nearly drowning in search of her adds some extra tension before the fight against Isadora and Elivra.

I'm not sure how I feel about Lorelei forgiving Israfel so easily. At the very least, there could've been some really good character drama there. The former, furious and the latter, regretful. Also, this line

Look, Israfel, don’t blame yourself for what happened earlier. The important thing is that you didn’t eat me.


didn't make much sense to me. It's not a situation where, for example, he was about to kill her, but stopped himself (which don't get me wrong, is still bad but mildly better) this is a situation where he was seconds away from actually doing it, but was interrupted. That is grounds enough for Lorelei not to immediately forgive him, and it might break the readers suspension of disbelief that she does.

I like the idea of her being a witch, and I really like the idea of her having a familiar, but (and this is a little subjective, so take this with a grain of salt) Cutesy Pig undermines the tone a little bit. Thus far, this story has been rather grim in nature, and this

cartoonish and childlike


pig feels a wee out of place.

Maybe if you introduced him earlier, he'd fit more seamlessly? But this far into the story, it feels like he comes out of nowhere.

All in all, I really enjoyed this chapter! It's got some powerful descriptions, and has set us up well for the upcoming conflict. I look forward to seeing what comes next! Keep on writing, and have a great day!

Adios! :D





A wizard is never late. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.
— Gandalf