z

Young Writers Society


12+

mintea poetry

by Spearmint, herbalhour


birdcalls into the void
(includes: pancakes and a guest appearance by fate)
(also includes the h e double hockey sticks word!!)

free as a bird; light as a feather

but are birds free? wet feathers weigh them down

somehow they are graceful

like the void: elegant, eternal, endless

(yet the void has its limits)

pancakes are also elegant

but nobody remembers them

they are only small circles within grander ones

unlike birds, pancakes are not free

there is always a price

and a grander scheme

fathomless designs, manipulating us

a geometric hell i bear with

featherless arms outstretched

(chosen by fate,

you walk this world, but

ending up yearning for something more)

neither you nor i can find the end of a circle

but i'll always come back for you

even if it doesn't fill the void

it'll at least

fill me

(like pancakes)

~

unlike fate, i trust you

roll a die. 6 possibilities. which do you desire?

start conversation. no predictions. what will be the outcome?

if we leave it all up to chance,

will fate stay out the matter?

(or will fate meddle, like always?)

spinning a wheel

the sections blur

like psychadellic tears

(like the ones you shed? no. like mine.)

i hope to gain

something. nothing? everything.

somewhere, nowhere, everwhere.

invisible strands that connect us / bind us / trap us.

stupid beings that divide us / love us / tease us.

(if fate is the enemy, chance is the antihero.)

we worship lady luck,

we court fortune,

but can they be as cruel as fate?

(yes, whispers the tantalizing promise of happiness.)

i hope they watch over us,

because despite the fear of being monitored,

i feel comfort.

(comfort like spinning a die,

knowing the outcome will bring promise) 

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8 Reviews

Points: 78
Reviews: 8

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Thu Apr 18, 2024 8:01 pm
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AkiraEliza wrote a review...



Birdcalls Into the Void

Pancakes? Where did the pancakes come in? The scenery in my head went WOOOSH YOU THOUGHT. The image flipped! I was nice and comfy with the idea of birds. Never been a fan of pancakes, and the picture you are trying to paint is certainly absurd. Pancakes ain't free? That's a new one. Cross it off the bucket list, why don't you. You should have added "humor" To the genre, because that threw me off. Nice job connecting something so immature with something so serious. Totally paints a colorful picture!

Unlike Fate, I Trust You
Oh my God.
I couldn't have done better.
I was honestly surprised to find myself enjoying that poem.
I am usually picky with what I read (hence my always-low points) But that actually sounded pretty catchy! And instead of humorous like the last one, it sounds like you were trying to put serious feeling. Humorous is fine, too, but I feel like the intention to not be funny in the second poem was needed. It sounded great! Keep it up!




Spearmint says...


Thanks so much for the review, AkiraEliza!! ^-^



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210 Reviews

Points: 10015
Reviews: 210

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Sun Jan 07, 2024 7:41 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

well hello @teatiime and @Spearmint I have to admit, the name of this made me laugh! I love it :D I am going to be reviewing the first poem in this collection, birdcalls into the void!!

To start off, i loved this little warning at the beginning XD

(includes: pancakes and a guest appearance by fate)
(also includes the h e double hockey sticks word!!)


Let's get right into it as I enjoy imaginary pancakes :D

like the void: elegant, eternal, endless

(yet the void has its limits)


I love the use of e-letter words, the statement that even the void has limits is something that also caught my eye. I wonder what it symbolizes.

pancakes are also elegant

but nobody remembers them


ahhh i love this so much! Pancakes can be wonderful when you enjoy them. But yes, we don't remember them individually. We do not remember each bite we took or how each pancake was different than the rest

these lines really stood out to me as well:

(chosen by fate,

you walk this world, but

ending up yearning for something more)


well hello Mr/Mrs. Fate! I love this idea of being chosen by fate. Who we are, what we work towards, and our ultimate destiny is selected by our Fate friend. We walk the paths of life, praying, hoping, searching for more.

but i'll always come back for you

even if it doesn't fill the void

it'll at least

fill me

(like pancakes)


this is an epic ending! the ending makes me feel that the Void is a sense of emptiness that we all feel inside, the things we want but do not have, the goals we let go, the times we mess up and fall short, and who we want to be. It seems that we always find a way to return to fate, begging him for more. And yes, this fills us (like pancakes) in a way that we may not remember, but it is enough to get by.

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

I read this poem about 5 times at least and I am having trouble finding specifics to comment on, but there was one section that was a little unclear to me.

neither you nor i can find the end of a circle

but i'll always come back for you


I am curious who you "you and I" are in this case. Is it the writer and reader? And when you state "i'll always come back for you" are you referring to fate? I was a little confused. I have a couple interpretations but was not completely sure if these two sentences were meant to be one thought or separate statements :)

Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

I loved the emotions that were felt at the end of the poem.

it'll at least

fill me

(like pancakes)


I already mentioned this earlier, but it gives me such a sense of "good enough to get by but not what I truly desire", if that makes any sense. Overall, Mint and Tea, i thought this was a lovely poem that was both deep and amusing to read :D

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Lovely poem, friends!! Such amazing work!! I enjoyed this greatly :)

Your friend,
Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!




herbalhour says...


thank you :3



Spearmint says...


Thank youuu for the review, Ellie and Vladimir!! ^-^
Let's get right into it as I enjoy imaginary pancakes :D

Whoa what a coincidence cuz I love them too?!? =P
I love this idea of being chosen by fate.

Yess Fate is a common theme in tea's poems (poetries)!
I already mentioned this earlier, but it gives me such a sense of "good enough to get by but not what I truly desire", if that makes any sense.

That makes perfect sense! Thank you so much for sharing your interpretation with us :D
I hope you have a spook-tastical day too!! ^w^



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31 Reviews

Points: 373
Reviews: 31

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Sat Jan 06, 2024 8:41 pm
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herbalhour says...



yayy poetries




Spearmint says...


poetries!!




The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
— Harold Coffin