Young Writers Society

My thoughts about this are like stars that I cannot fathom into constellations.

<3

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
As a Nerdfighter and TFIOS-lover, I can say I thoroughly enjoyed this.
I have very little except praise so let's get on with it!

And swim hazel waters.

Just fear not living your life while you still can.

Hi there! I feel qualified to review this, as I read The Fault in our Stars and loved it.

Overall the poem does have a very nice flow. I love the dreamy quality, and the references to the book. My favorite line was: "Look so far that this world is invisible to you." I actually want to try and do that. It sounds amazing.

I was a little confused by the "glass of stars" part. It feels like the makings of beautiful imagery, but I'm having trouble conjuring it up.

I have similar problems with "hazel waters". To me that creates images of browny green water, which I would not like to swim in. Perhaps you could change it to:
"and swim August's waters." Every one loves swimming in August, and that way you still get to reference the book.

I felt that "make eggs rain on your ex's car, kind of took me out of the imagery of living in forever and being one with the universe, to a very childish place. Though I sense it was meant to be more of a live in the moment action, it just seems out of place for a poem that is trying to transcend death, though to be fair I didn't like this part in the book either. I guess it was there to remind us that they are still teenagers. That they haven't grown up and won't. Still I don't think it fits the poem.

Yet I still really liked it, the message is perfect and it mirrors the book nicely. This poem is a lot less dark than the book as well which is great because the book focused on the death more than the living the moment. This poem is the lightness to the books dark, and it is so needed! Thank you.!!

Hey Viv, Chips here with a review.

"The Fault In Our stars" has been quite a popular book this year, and it was interesting to see your view point on it, in form of a poem. I enjoyed reading this, it had nice adjectives and metaphors. It also had some light humorous moments so good job on balancing that.

I have a few suggestions which may be of help to you.

"If one fears oblivion,
Then fear not,
For it is inevitable.
Instead of fearing,
Get yourself a glass of stars,"

I liked this as an opening stanza. The last line here particularly intrigued me, the reference to "a glass of stars" it can be interpreted in many ways. I also thought it should have a full-stop at the end of it rather than a comma as the next line seemed like a second stanza beginning.

"Enjoy raining flower petals"

I liked the metaphoric use here, though I thought there should be a comma here to link it with the next line clearly.

"And swim hazel waters."

I noticed the subtle pun use here of, "swim" and "Waters", which brought a lightheartedness.

"Look so far that this world is invisible to you"

Here, it would be even better if the "is" was perhaps replaced with, *becomes* as it makes more sense with the previous line.

"And make eggs rain on your ex's car."

This was humorous, it made the poem change direction slightly.


"Write your own endings,
To stories never finished.
And fear not the inevetible,
Just fear not living your life while you still
can."

You have a typo in the third line, "inevetible", should be *inevitable*. Anyways, this was my favorite part in the poem, because it held emotion and thought.


Overall a nice piece. I hope this review helped and Keep writing!

--Chippy

I'm not going to review this right now because I'm on a mobile device but I just have to say that I loved that book. You might find it's about half and half on this site but I just want you to know that I loved the book and this poem and I will review later probably