Young Writers Society

Much better, I would say. It's like someone who scores 40% in each exam suddenly gets 60%.

I like the concept. But the execution is downright atrocious. Initially I thought you were poking fun at victims. Some sort of grotesque, but after reading your comments I realize that this was meant to be a tribute. So, first off, you need to create characters. You need some sort of narrative to actually create a story. Then you need emotions. Emotions have to be raw. Your storyline is fresh but it lacks the depth.

But at least you have tried to create a story unlike your other two works. So good job! Keep writing!

SportyWriter, I read your piece 5 Ways to get into the Literary Spotlight.

My only error to point out was that the time, "7.00" was supposed to be 7:00. And please capitalize the title. Your point was short but mild, and it sent me to giggles. I think you categorized this piece well, and I hope you don't mind me following you!

-wisegirl22

I don't like this.

Crude and unnecessary.

I've got to be honest... this was kinda a bad idea.
It's easy to laugh about it (o.o) as long as the events discussed don't effect you, but for the people involved, I don't think they would appreciate this.
Having said that, I know it's not written for them (and maybe this was supposed to be taken with a massive dose of humour) but I think the writing is irreverent, tactless and completely inconsiderate.
Personally, I think some people will find this really offensive and I can't blame them.

Hmm. Well, first of all, I am no stranger in writing works of this style. Admittedly, I have had a history of offensive and irreverent works, attacking religion for example. However, those days are behind me, and any critique of any topic is done constructively and is only humorous when necessary.

I find this work tries way too hard to be offensive, as the issue here is topical. We are currently living in a time where plane crashes and attacks are common place, such as 9/11, and the recent disappearance as discussed in the work, as well as the shooting down of a plane in Ukraine by Russian rebel forces. This is too trivial and it was as if you knew this would cause offense.

Obviously, I may be completely misinterpreting the work, and this may be a serious work, but judging by the sarcastic title- the exclamation mark gives it away- I think this was meant to be dark humour. This piece seems like opportunism to crack a joke of significantly poor taste.

Whilst I respect your freedom to write whatever you want and speak your mind on an issue, and that offense is taken and not given, it doesn't mean everyone must like it. People are allowed to be offended and are allowed to feel uncomfortable/angry with what they read.

Just a friendly word. I have been here before too many times.

Hey there! So I would review this but I don't really see a need to review a tribute. This is something special you guys wrote and I wouldn't change a thing about it. I actually really liked the abruptness of the piece. That's how it happens in real life; everything seems normal and then suddenly tragedy strikes. Life doesn't give us transition sentences or long drawn out details to prepare us for these kinds of things. They just happen and you captured that beautifully.

Great work guys! Keep it up!

Hey, Chips here with a review.

Well, I liked that you kept the story focused throughout, nothing went off the main topic. However I have some suggestions which may be of help to you.

Now onto the review:

But I found the title to be misleading, I know it's to create a dramatic irony though it could have been paraphrased slightly to keep the element of mystery there without being completely different to the actual occurrences. But otherwise, the title is up to you.

I know literal short stories are your style, however this particular one needed more depth and detail to build some kind of momentum. I saw below you intended this to be a tribute, by it being a tribute I would think that is even more reason to have more emotion or suspense added. Personally, I didn't feel a strong emotion by the end of this to be honest, partly due to the abrupt ending which reached a quick climax too soon.

As an overview, It would be even better if you described the feelings of how the father felt, elaborated on the journey his daughter took, the daughter's anticipation of the journey. If we saw that the journey was going well, smooth sailing, this ending would have been more dramatic. You could use more dramatic devices too such as, the coloring of the sky, weather, sounds, lighting, directions.

Overall, this piece has plenty of potential, hope this review helped. Keep writing!

--Chippy

Hey! Waddup?

This was very abrupt. The first time I read this, my initial reaction was, "Oh" I liked the irony in the title, though.

Unfortunately, I never had anyone to brain storm with or discuss about writings/novels/characters. I should say you are lucky to have a writer as your neigbhour.

Have fun!

Okay. Now I see that you more of a tragedy writer than you are a humor writer. It is sort of sad. But trust me you could do better by making it a bit longer. Maybe elaborating the father's feelings when she informed him the flight was on time. Some flashbacks. More description. It would turn out awesome, trust me.

Hey SportyWriter. Strangelove here, and I am going to give you a quick review of what I thought of this. There honestly isn't that much to the work. You rely on quick delivery and short writing. I have nothing else to say to this. It was okay on that factor. That honestly has to be the one thing I liked about this.
This whole work relies on a little thing called:

SHOCK FACTOR

Yes, shock factor hits all in this work. You obviously rely on the importance this is in the media right now. Yes, the plane went missing and there still is a huge hunt going on right now. This work attempts to hit straight in the feels. That's what all this work has going for it. "Gotta hit him, gotta be important." To be honest, I didn't really like this work. It felt flat and nothing else. Was just flat.

Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.

Nitpicks:
"Hello dad, the flight is on time."
Should be:
"Hello, Dad, the flight is on time." (Insert comma after Hello and capitalize Dad.)
"Love you, dad!" You need to capitalize dad again. Should be:
"Love you, Dad!"
The last sentence, I suggest putting a the before Beijing. I.e.:
Dad is still waiting for his angel as the MH370 flight is yet to arrive at THE Beijing airport.

The title: Flight shouldn't be capitalized. It should just be:
The flight is on time!
Thank you for your clarifying comment, I do understand what this means now. I knew about this terrible event; however I did not know people referred to it as MH370. This was very direct.
Nice job.
8/10
+1