Young Writers Society

I loved this poem. So intense yet delicate in its own integrity. Quick suggestion. Please capitalize at the start of a new stanza. That was the only teeny tiny nitpicky critique that I had about this poem. Otherwise... Wow. You should be able to write a killer romance novel with your use of words and overall symbolism. Please continue to create such amazing work. Are you a poet and storyteller or just a poet? I would love to see you create a whole novel because I am I love with your work. I can't express that enough with one "like." Great poem!!!

Wow. Just wow.

I love this. Your emotions are so raw in this poem, and that's what I think is so fabulous. I thought the similes you used which incorporate the weather were very strong. "Forget me like a hurricane" and "Forget me like the morning mist" are two lines I found so dramatic, but used effectively.

"Our love was made from kerosene."
This line was just so powerful and so original, it just immediately drew me in. It's such a wonderful line and it will definitely stay with me.

The only thing I would say is to maybe revise some of the lines. "yeah, that's right,
let the memory of me go all fuzzy." I feel as though this does not really follow the rest of the poem in terms of diction. These lines seem to be a bit informal as opposed to the rest of the poem, which is formal.

Overall, I thought this poem was very well organized and put together, and I really did enjoy it!

--FearlessLove4

Hello there!

Dreamy here to review your work for poetry exchange. This was a good read. For some reason, I thought it would sound well if it is rapped out. You know what I mean? Rapping? Yea. The subject of this poem is new. I have read numerous poems about love and heart breaks, but asking a person to forget you gives you a new view. I think you crafted it pretty well.

forget me gently.

not too rough,

forget me like a hurricane.

rough now,

from kerosene.

clean

it with a kiss.

and i

will love you like a hurricane

Hey, Chips here with a review! Welcome to YWS too.

First off, I loved your use with the poetic device of pathetic fallacy I felt your poem was its strongest when comparisons to weather were highlighted. You used some interesting metaphors. I assume your lack of capitalization was on purpose for this particular poem, I thought it fit quite well.

I have some suggestions which could help improve your poem even further, okay?
Now onto the review:

"forget me gently.
not too rough,
go easy on me."

This opening in the first stanza was engaging enough up to this point. I liked the word play of opposite textures being used metaphorically to mirror a relationship.

"yeah, that's right,
let the memory of me
go all fuzzy.
just like that.
not too slow,
not too fast."

I thought this section here didn't fit at all. It began to sound somewhat informal in comparison to the rest of your poem, in the phrase "yeah, that's right" particularly and the adjective of "fuzzy" read a bit awkwardly. The reference to "fast" and "slow" is using opposites again which you had already used in the stanza previously so be careful that it doesn't become redundant.

" i want you bad."

This line seemed to be by itself and unrelated. Grammatically, it should be *badly*.

"forget me like a hurricane.
rough now,"

I know what you intended to do here, but to keep the flow of the poem uninterrupted It would be even better if you linked the second line here with the first one. Perhaps use a semicolon after "hurricane" and reword it to *roughly*, cutting out the "now".

"forget me like the morning mist
fading into noontime rain
and i
will love you like a hurricane"

As a final stanza, it was fine but it was a slight repetition of the ending lines of the first stanza, which made this stanza lose the affect it should have had on the reader. It could be more powerful.

Now onto the parts I liked:

"don't make me wait.
watch the trees quake,
make my legs shake,
feel the earth break
beneath our feet.
bittersweet.
our love was made
from kerosene.
clean "

I liked your sudden use of rhyme in the second stanza here, it built an emotional momentum in your poem.


Overall nice piece. Hope this review helped and Keep writing!

--Chippy

Hey there sleepette!

Welcome to YWS. I see this is your first submission here. Way to go! Let me get my thoughts on this together, okay, here's what I think:

The title immediately grabbed my attention, it is interesting. For some reason it reminded me of Pablo Neruda's If You Forget Me.

There's something you could work more on though - the continuity of the poem i.e how one line merges with the next one. For instance, it would make the poem more comprehensible if you would show the link between the trees quaking, the earth breaking and the legs shaking. It may get confusing for a reader.

Also, this -

forget me like the morning mist
fading into noontime rain