Hi, I wanted to tell you that I think the emotion and experience behind all of this is really beautiful. I can see how much you cared about whoever it is that you're writing about because your words cry with tears and frustration, showing themselves on this screen. I did feel, though, that in a few places you might have been better off by adding simple words like "a", "to", to add syllables in the parts that were somewhat choppy. Like here:
"(You) never understood the pain I felt when you left
though, when you did, you committed (a) theft."
and also
"Stole my heart, my emotions, my mind
though, you never took with you the pain (too soon to) reside."
Merely a few thoughts about how I probably would have phrased things if I were gifted enough to write about such intimate parts of my own feelings. I really think that this is a great poem and that the little bits that were rough don't even compare with the magnitude of talent that came through your honesty with yourself and willingness to let others see it. Thank you for giving this to YWS and for helping inspire me. Keep writing because I can't wait to read more from you.
Points: 531
Reviews: 28
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