Young Writers Society

This is an intriguing poem. It seems to be about a person who has been changed drastically by an incident, a story. And behind the picture, the anecdote that, through circumstances, he has become, he struggles to comprehend the idea that the story does not in fact have to be the defining moment of his life. I find this poem to be divergin from your normal style into a more aloof mode of transportation. It is interesting because it seems to reach out to the audience in a different way , to relate to them. I like the prose style as it did justice to the sombre nature of he story. I dont want to act like I know what your mind, but it seems to be about identity, from within vs identity as effected by the external. Very interesting.

Timmy here for a review!

When I read this for the first time, I didn't think I would be able to review it. It is such a powerful piece, containing such an amazingly powerful message. Then I read it over, and dared myself to review it. So here I am, destined for failure, but here nevertheless. Let's see what I can dig up.

As far as the message goes, it is clear. My initial impression when I began to read this was one of confusion. I honestly didn't know what was going on. But as I read through, pieces of the puzzle started to come together, forming this one delicately, perfectly balanced piece of art. You can only truly appreciate the words you use after you read it the second time. The first time, all you can appreciate is the powerful story. The next time, I just basked in the wonderful words you molded together to create that perfect visual.

main photo
matching the article because

Just out of reach, use used,

A power source not shedding any light.

This is just beautiful. Amazing job

This is really great! There are a few errors but they were already listed by the other reviewers. It's slightly song but it's awesome. I really like your poems and I will be looking out for more poems. Don't give up and keep on writing rhiasofia!

-Unknown391625

This was great, rhiasofia! I really think you trapped me in the main idea, and the title grabbed me, too. A few little nitpicks:

"story behind a snapshot"

Is there supposed to be a break after story?

"racing down a coastal highway finds"

I'm not really sure what you mean here.

"quiet murmurs he won't make it"

I think there should be some punctuation after "murmurs". It doesn't look right when you read it.

"child, now, he can't"

Was the second comma necessary?

"doesn't get that this is his life to live."

You should put "she" before this phrase, because you mentioned a boy before this.

"use used,"

This doesn't make any sense.

Other than these errors, this was great, and I hope I see more of your works in the Green Room! Byezeez!

Hey Rhia! Retro here for a review!

First off i'm doing a few nitpicks and suggestions and then i'll talk about what I liked, okay?

"Behind a comatose boy, a peaceful facade
are shoes that squeak warnings
down too white halls,"

This bit threw me off quite a bit. Before this i'm really into the poem and then the brakes sort of get hit here. I'm not sure are is the word you need, and if you did i can't quite figure out what you mean. And i'm not that much of a fan of your use of 'too'. It took me too long to figure out what you meant exactly, and I think because of the nature of your poem that it needs to be punchy. Maybe somthing more descriptive like bleached would work better in this circumstance? Just a suggestion here though because I might be completely wrong and missing it.

Okay well I said nitpicks but this is literally it, ha! This poem is cleverly constructed, and you have frankly beautiful imagery throughout! Your use of "--the sinister chuckle of glass shattering--" was breathtaking and awe inspiring! You have a pretty great piece here my dear Rhia, so you earn a like!

Keep it up,
~Retro