z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Artifice of the Beast

by sisterLuck


Once upon a time there was a princess who had just seen her eighteenth birthday come to pass. As was custom, her parents, the king and queen, decided it was time for her to marry and make a prince of a man. 

Of their choosing, of course.

But the princess found she didn’t care for the men her parents chose for her. And thanks to the princess's desirable position and her lovely red hair and clear blue eyes, she saw no shortage of suitors. All were nobles of the kingdom or princes of other kingdoms, and all, in her opinion, were too boastful, too proud, too arrogant and self-centered. 



Or, as the case was with the prince of the far south kingdom, too smelly.



Despite her attempts to express these faults to her parents, the princess soon found herself harassed on all sides by hopeful princes and nobles, to the point where she could not walk to the market without fending off at least ten advances, all with the wail of ‘but your father approves of me!’ After several rebukes, the men began to get rougher, grabbing her and fighting each other to steal her hand. No matter how she begged, or said ‘no’, the men only felt more entitled to her presence and contact.



The princess became so fed up, that one day she donned a hooded cloak and fled into the wilderness to at least get a few hours of solitude.



The beginning of her walk was peaceful, and she soon felt comfortable enough to remove her cloak and enjoy the meadow she had come upon. She sank down onto a log, a smile in place at the feeling of peace and quiet in the meadow.



“Oh, if only I could stay here,” she lamented aloud, “if only I could rule alone, without a prince to hound me constantly.” She sighed and closed her eyes, determined to enjoy the peace while she could.



Unfortunately, her solitude was soon broken. 



She knew something was amiss when the wind picked up suddenly, and before she could think of a reason for it the sound of beating wings filled her ears. She looked up to see a massive dragon, its bright red scales gleaming in the afternoon sun. 



She could not run, or move, and froze in fear, mesmerized as the dragon landed heavily on its claws before her. 

How could she get away? Dragons, after all, were fiercely violent beasts.



It let out a mighty roar, as if to announce its presence to the entire kingdom, and promptly snatched the princess in its claw, taking off as suddenly as it had landed.



The sudden change in altitude and the fear born from stories of dragons were too much for the princess, and she passed out, safely nestled in the large creature’s claw.



When she came back around, she took in a setting so confusing she momentarily forgot to panic about being kidnapped by a dragon. She was nestled comfortably in a large, luxurious bed, and though it was obvious she was in a cave, the walls had been hewn and decorated in a royal manner, almost as if her own castle’s decorators had designed the dwelling.



The princess cautiously got out of bed, noting how, though familiar, the room was much larger than anything in the castle. She made her way to the door, taking in how it was large enough for a dragon to fit through, and then thought how silly it was for a dragon to have a wood door as she struggled to open it.



The next room was even larger than the first, and seemed to be a grand hallway of sorts with many doors identical to the one she just opened. Fire torches crackled merrily on the walls, casting the hall in a rather cheery light. Though she knew she should be scared, the princess couldn’t get over her curiosity. This was definitely not the setting she imagined for the horrible beasts that kidnapped, and most likely ate, princesses. What kind of mindless animal lived in a palace?



She ventured further down the hall, heading towards what appeared to be a large living area. A rustling sound and distinctive clicking froze her in place, and she turned fearfully to see the dragon walking toward her.



“Please!” She cried, backing into the wall, her fear back in full force, “Please, I beg of you, don’t eat me!”



The dragon paused and cocked its head at her. Then, much to the princess’s surprise, it laughed. A rough, loud sound that filled the expansive hall with a rumble.



The princess failed to see the amusement in the situation, and gave the dragon an indignant look.



“I hardly think this is funny, beast.” She was so offended, in fact, that she forgot that dragons weren’t supposed to be able to understand human speech.



After a moment the laughter died down, and the dragon’s golden eyes reappeared, twinkling with mirth.



“Oh child,” it spoke, the sound much like its laughter, “I wouldn’t eat you. I can’t imagine humans taste very good.”



The princess straightened, her fear suddenly replaced with surprise. “You can talk? But… You’re a dragon!”



“I wasn’t aware those two facts cancelled each other out.” The dragon chuckled, sitting back on its haunches.



The princess huffed, growing irritated with the dragon’s cavalier attitude. “Of course they do! Dragons are mindless beasts who only wish to steal treasure and princesses from respectable kingdoms.” She planted her hands on her hips as if to emphasize this.



The dragon stared at her, then made a show of exaggeratedly looking around its cave. 



“My my, mindless beasts? Surely I’d have run into one by now.” The dragon turned back toward the princess, cracking a human-like grin at the pout on her face. “Dear child, you can’t always listen to stories. There is a reason they’re called stories after all.”



“If you aren’t a mindless beast who intends to eat me, then why did you kidnap me?”



The dragon’s posture relaxed, and it sank lazily into a lounging position before answering.



“Simple, my dear, I heard your plea. I came to give you an out.”



“An out?” The princess murmured, still leaned defensively against the wall.



“You wished for an escape from the bombardment of men. I came to rescue you.” The dragon smiled at her toothily. “There were several tracking you through the woods, it’s lucky I got there when I did.”



The dragon winked at her, and all of the princess’s defenses were lost, replaced by utter confusion.



“I don’t understand. How could you know of my plight? You live in the mountains…”



“Oh no, my dear, I’ve been watching you for several months now. I have seen the harassment you face, your unheeded pleas for solitude.”



The princess scoffed. “Surely I would have noticed all of... this tailing me around the kingdom.” She gestured to the dragon’s long form and brilliant colors. The dragon simply laughed, its tail flicking back and forth.



“Yes, that would be the case, if this was the only form I was capable of being.” Its tail dropped back to the floor as it shifted back to a sitting position. “Perhaps I can ease your confusion by telling you what dragons actually are.” With another tooth-filled smile, the dragon burst into flames, forcing the princess to cover her eyes.



When she felt she could see again, the princess peeked between her fingers, and promptly dropped her hands in shock.



Where the dragon once was stood a beautiful woman, dark-haired and cloaked in a stunning red dress. Her eyes, golden in color, held the same mirth as the dragon’s. This woman also looked quite familiar to the princess.



“You… You’re the princess of the western kingdom! The one that disappeared three years ago! I recognize you from my birthday ball that same year…”



The dragon princess smiled warmly. “That would be me. You may recall I was in a similar situation to yours back then.”



The princes nodded dumbly, remembering the event with sudden clarity.



“Well… I was lucky enough to have met my own dragon that year. She rescued me.”



“I don’t understand.” The princess said, her voice soft. The dragon princess stepped closer, her palms out as a sign of peace.



“Dragons, as it turned out, are princesses. Princesses who grew tired of having no say in their on lives. Princesses whose wishes were so strong, they called upon an old magic to help them out.“ She paused in front of the princess, and held out her hand.



“If you wish to, you can join us. Become a dragon, and take charge of your own fate.” She smiled. “My family found it quite difficult to force their daughter into a marriage when she could change into a large, fire-spewing beast.”



“Your family knows? But I thought…”



“Oh yes, they know. But as I have no desire to rule anyway, they felt it was best to keep my miraculous return under wraps. My brother is happy to take my place. But you… You could rule alone, if you wished. You could live alone, if you wished. You could... Why, you could choose.” She turned her hand so her palm faced up, inviting the princess to take it.



“I can give you the power to control your own destiny, my dear. Or, ” the dragon princess shrugged, “you could choose one of those obnoxious nobles to live with for the rest of your life. The choice is yours.”



Choice. The word had made up the princess's mind before the dragon's speech was finished. Her hand shot out before she could think twice, and her fingers intertwined with the dragons.



“Give me strength.” She whispered, and the dragon smiled warmly.



“Welcome home then, Princess.”



~~



Stories of dragons, one red, blazing the sky with scales of fire, and one blue, barely discernable but just as ominous against the daytime sky, began to circulate the kingdom. Unlike other tales of dragons, the king and queen chose not to try to keep them quiet. The princess returned, and with the declaration backed by her parents that she would choose a partner in her own time, of her own volition, the multitudes of noble visitors began to slow.



But it wasn’t until the golden-eyed princess of the west made a miraculous return, only in the wrong kingdom, that the nobles backed off completely, unwilling to face the feral, sunlit gaze directed at them when she and the princess strode through town arm-in-arm.



Dragons, after all, were fiercely loyal beasts.


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7 Reviews


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Fri Jul 25, 2014 3:02 am
ladydinosaur wrote a review...



*squeals because FEMINIST DRAGONS*
I love the narration throughout this story--it really sounds like a fairy tale. The word choices and dialog are spot-on.
The only complaints I have are nit-picky ones. I noticed that you said 'my my' a few times--I believe there should be a comma after the first 'my.' Though I loved the narration for most of the story, I wished I could see more of the princess's thoughts--at parts I didn't feel like I was 'in her shoes', if that makes sense. Sorry, I'm not very good at explaining things.
Love the ending paragraph--perfect description, and the ending is awesome.
Keep up the good work :)




sisterLuck says...


Yesss thanks to tumblr for the prompt haha
Thanks! That was really what I was going for, it was a challenge from my normal writing voice

Noted, I'll go change that. And you're right! Originally I was going to try and make this an illustrated children's book, but I think I'll revisit it and work it so we get in the princess's head better

Thanks for the review!



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Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:30 pm
wunmi wrote a review...



The story is really good . I liked the concept you used of everything not being what people think it is, Hence dragons being princesses. I like the away you hid a message behind the story- we can put our future in our own hands if we have the strength to do so.
Although I like the story as a whole I disliked the ending. I think this tale has a lot of potential and could be very magical. For it to be more fairytale like you need more devastation before the happy ending. Maybe you could go into more detail about some of her stalker suitors and some of the crazy things they might have done. I don’t understand why the other princess would have a cave that looks like the girls home or why its there if she lives with her family.
You could also include more of a description of the land she lives in, the could fill out a bit more if you did. It’s a good story but there is room to improve.




sisterLuck says...


Thank you! It wasn't totally an original thought, I got it from a prompt but I hope I did it justice.
Yes the ending was kind of shoehorned in, I didn't want this to be long because I wanted to make an illustrated 'children's book' version. But I think making it a few chapters longer would be fun to do, plus I could elaborate on all of that (especially the suitors, that could add some good humor in).

Thanks for the review :)



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Wed Jul 23, 2014 8:45 pm
Kelpies wrote a review...



Hello sisterluck!

I really like it! At first I thought it would be like a beauty and the beast story, but this is way cooler! Having complete control of your life must be a marvelous thing, even though no one has absolute control over their own life, not even the dragons. Fate does have a fair say in what happens to you. But being a dragon would give you some major control over your life!

~Kelpies.




sisterLuck says...


Thanks! I'm glad you liked the story. And for sure, who doesn't want the ability to turn into a dragon??



Kelpies says...


Not me! Dragons are amazing!



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Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:44 am
Morrigan wrote a review...



Hi there!

Gosh dang, I really liked this! It's simple, yes, but the beauty of it lies in its simplicity. Nice job!

That being said, there are a few things you might change to make it even better.

I noticed that there were a few places that the tone differed from the rest of the story. For example,

The sudden change in altitude and the fear born from stories of dragons were too much for the princess, and she passed out
This passage in particular stuck out because "passed out" generally isn't used in fairy tales. To stay consistent with the fairy tale tone you've got, I'd say "fainted" instead. Also, the use of "altitude" struck me as odd. That wasn't quite as prominent as the other, but if you could find an alternative that fits the tone better, I would use it.

While I know the young princess is rather bewildered by what's going on in the dragon's lair, she seems to just let Ms. West talk over her. I'd try to make it into more of a conversation, and less of a monologue. I want to know a little more about the young princess before the story ends, and you can show us what she's like through her speech. Though she asks for strength, because she lets Ms. West talk over her, she seems a little wishy-washy. She's never been given a choice, no, but she is a noble, and I think she would be a little less stammery and a bit more well spoken. Unless, of course, it turns out that she was terrible at diplomacy. But she is a princess.

I was so happy when it turned out that the dragon was a princess. I would have been rather annoyed if it was a prince in disguise, having saved poor damsel in distress from the smelly prince. I was pleasantly surprised, and it was refreshing. I approve of your choice.

Something to add might be how her parents felt about her going missing. In fairy tales, there's generally a great search for the princess, perhaps sending a few knights to die in her honor before they find her. That might be another element to show the traditionalism of the parents vs. the more liberal ideas of the dragons.

Anyway, very good job on this! And it's a bit late, but welcome to YWS! I look forward to reading more of your work. I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy writing!




sisterLuck says...


Thank you! It's definitely a different style for me, I usually go overboard with prose so I'm glad I managed to keep it simple.

ooh, good point, I'll go change that. I'm not sure what could be used for altitude... elevation is pretty much the same tone. I guess i could go with height?

Yes she's pretty passive in this. I'll admit I wanted to keep it as short as possible, so I skimped on her resistance a bit. I'll probably go back and make her interaction with the dragon longer, give her more anger at West for not just revealing herself in the first place and avoiding scaring her to death.

Naahh, of course no prince, I wanted this to be a girl power kind of story- I would eventually like to illustrate it myself and make it a kid's book. Most of my works have that theme, as well as, well, lesbians. I wished I had more stories with them when I was a teen, so might as well write them myself!

After these reviews, I really want to expand this into a few more chapters, showing both sides and giving the princess a better voice. Thanks for the review and the welcome! It was very useful :)




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