z

Young Writers Society



Homewrecker, Homewrecked

by rhiasofia


I stave off the realisation;
we are all clinging, stuck like
food to a plastic spoon.

I pray to the painted
sunset, paper thin veil to hide
the splintered fist-shape
in the wooden door.
It tries, but I can't deny
that it won't keep the darkness
of that day at bay
much longer.

The couch simpers and sloops,
the pot ever simmering,
and on eggshells we always walk. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 296
Reviews: 7

Donate
Mon Jul 21, 2014 10:24 pm
View Likes
EgTucks says...



" I stave off realization;
we are all clinging, stuck like
food to a plastic spoon."
I thought this was a great comparison, and the imagery is great as well. Keep up the good work!




User avatar
31 Reviews


Points: 359
Reviews: 31

Donate
Mon Jul 21, 2014 8:41 pm
View Likes
TonelessBard says...



"I pray to the painted
sunset, paper thin veil to hide
the splintered fist-shape
in the wooden door."

What an awesome imagery!




User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 512
Reviews: 11

Donate
Mon Jul 21, 2014 1:22 am
View Likes
nycto says...



woah, I really like your poetry.




User avatar
65 Reviews


Points: 816
Reviews: 65

Donate
Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:23 am
View Likes
Fizz wrote a review...



Beautiful. You told us everything without saying it, and with so much finesse. Your use of metaphor is brilliant, and I think I love you. I really like this. I could go on forever.
That effortlessly crafted phrase about the splintered door, the amount of meaning put in to so few words in the last stanza, all of it, is wonderful.
Keep writing. Please :)




rhiasofia says...


Thank you so very much! That all meant so much to me. Definite;y one of the best compliments I've ever gotten. I have tons of other poems posted here, if you really liked that one that much ;)



User avatar
65 Reviews


Points: 607
Reviews: 65

Donate
Sun Jul 20, 2014 10:13 pm
View Likes
wtppowers wrote a review...



Hey now, rhiasofia! It's Mr. Powers here, with another fun and exciting review! Today, I going to look over your seemingly simple poem, "Homewrecker, Homewrecked".

First thing's first. When I typed the title into this box, my computer claimed that those words were spelled wrong. Apparently, both words should be split up. Nonetheless, I'm not going to let my computer tell you how to write (or spell, for that matter).

That was a really cool simile you used in stanza 1. "stuck like/food to a plastic spoon." It clears up whatever may have confused the reader beforehand.

In stanza 2, you pray that a thin cloth can hide the damage someone's fist did to your door. And even though it does hide the hole itself, it doesn't make you forget what made it get there. In fact, the only thing the veil appears to do is strengthen those memories.

The final stanza is quite puzzling to me. I think it means that while the world is still turning, something bad is bound to happen.

In the end, I think I've uncovered the story behind this work. A home-wrecker is going around with someone who's already married, and he/she feels as though they'll get caught soon. Was I right? How far off am I?

I'm giving this a favorable review, a like, and your efforts have even won you a follow from me. I hope you keep it up!




rhiasofia says...


You got pretty close, although the focus is more on the fights the homewrecker causes. The last stanza was focusing on the tension, the "homewrecked", how it was all falling apart.

Thanks!




"It's not nice to roast people when they're out of comebacks."
— Tuckster