Young Writers Society

Beautiful! I love the way you write about running but make it seem about sailboats which are actually feet which... yeah, this is why you wrote the poem and not me.
But seriously, such a brilliant way of using metaphors and description.

I saw in the comment below that you purposely left out some punctuation to enhance the feeling of moving, which is great. I was just wondering though about capitalization? Because you don't have the first word capital, but the "The" later on is. Just something I noticed, not sure if you had a reason for it.

I also don't really like the parenthesis at the end. It just seems like that makes the ending a lot weaker, like it isn't actually finished. I think it would work best if you just removed the parenthesis, or maybe added something in after it to make a stronger ending. Anyway, just my thoughts.

Wonderful poem, I'm glad I choose to read this as my first piece back to review in months. It was a great welcome back to YWS.

My favorite part was this:
"and her bare feet pump and clash
through this concrete jungle
which has no give
for roiling muscles keen
on freedom;"

I just love all of this part so much. <3

Anyway, have a splendid day and I hope to get a chance to read some more of your writing.

I like the choice of words; how you used bones to describe the feet and how you didn't tell the readers the exact meaning of everything. It really made me think as I read through this poem.

But what I didn't like was that it lacked punctuation, it made me a little hard to read it through. Without proper punctuation I don't know when to stop or pause or such, so I was a bit confused with how to read it (I usually read poems out loud so they could make sense & when I read this I just went like 60 mph through it, sorry). And I didn't really get the flow I think. But if you did intend on not using punctuation then I can tolerate, but try something creative like line breaks for pauses or such.

So, I enjoyed the poem, but I didn't quite enjoy it (God this is hard to explain). Yeah, well, I think you need to improve more and I hope that this review helps you on improving.