Young Writers Society

I really like this poem, it reminds me of when I first started writing and I wrote something about the moon. I feel like I can relate to a lot of the things you thank the moon for. I'm also very thankful for the moon. I feel like you could put a few metaphors in here as Chip was saying too. Over all I love this poem but it is pretty simple, but I'm guessing you went for that feeling.
- llorona

Hello, Chips here with a review.

I liked the concept of the moon you have here, it can always be taken through interesting paths and interpretations. I liked how you personified the moon and confided in it. It can be interpreted as spiritual as these thanksgivings could be said in form of a prayer also perhaps.

I felt that the formatting could be improved upon, the sentences were all written together as one which made it look as if the poem is dragging and very long. The formatting is up to you but I would suggest it be written in stanzas or in equal line length.

You have a slight lack of punctuation and grammar which can be improved upon also, but it may be intentional for poetry.

"I'm sorry not many of us have taken the time to thank you,

You provide us with the light that we use to see through the darkness,

It shrouds over us like a black cloud, and brings fear,"

Here, you needed to add full-stops at the end of the sentences the commas imply this is all one line which becomes confusing. The second line was nice but it was phrased quite directly, it would be even better if you used more poetic language to express the light the moon provides, perhaps using a metaphor?

"But you're there to shoo it away,"

There was something awkward about thing line, I think its the word "shoo" maybe replacing it with another adjective similar to that?

"Mr. Moon, I thank you."

This was a nice ending, but a small nitpick here. You began the letter as, "Dear Moon" but ended it as, "Mr. Moon" so maybe using one of those for the beginning and end of the letter?

Overall good job. Hope this review helped. Keep writing!

--Chippy

Hello there, Sarahjo! This poem is really good. Also, I don't think this poem is too simple. If anything, I think it has a lot of detail, although that may just be me. I love how you write that you tell the moon all of your secrets, and that you are glad that Mr. Moon doesn't tell anyone or anything. To me, this poem makes it seem as if the moon is a real person, not just an object in the sky. Another thing that I really like about this is that it seems as though you really care for the moon, unlike others, as it says in poem. Again I say, this is a really great poem, and so I have decided to click the little like star up in the corner, and to click the follow button. Good job!

Hey, Sarahjo! It's Mr. Powers here, with another fun and exciting review! Today, I'm going to look at your poem, "Dear Moon".

The first part is pretty simple. You thank the moon for being bright and protects us from the evil and dark night sky.

The next part is a bit spiritual and psychedelic. You thank the moon for being a friend. You confide in it, and tell him whatever's on your mind. And the best part about that is that it'll never tell anyone else.

You then thank the moon for being there when you need someone.

After that, you recognize that other people don't think about the moon like you do. They take Mr. Moon for granted, but your treat it as a friend. And it treats everyone equally, and doesn't discriminate.

As the poem closes, you tell the moon that you'll miss it, and that you're sad whenever it leaves. But you know that it'll be back shortly.

As for the note at the end, I don't think it's too simple. You don't have to make excuses for it. I like this poem. It's certainly better than anything I've posted to YWS. So please, keep up the good work!